The Forsyte Saga Volume 2(254)

‘Sure an’ ye can. Plased to see your rivirence, though ut’s not tidy I am this mornin’.’

A broad woman, with grizzled black hair and brawny arms, had paused in whatever she was doing to a room inconceivably crowded and encrusted. Three people evidently slept in the big bed, and one in a cot; cooking seemed to go on at the ordinary small black hearth, over which, on a mantel-board, were the social trophies of a lifetime. Some clothes were hung on a line. The patched and greasy walls had no pictures.

‘My nephew, Mr Michael Mont, Mrs Corrigan; he’s a Member of Parliament.’

The lady put her arms akimbo.

‘Indeed, an’ is he, then?’

It was said with an infinite indulgence that went to Michael’s heart. ‘An is ut true your rivirence has bought the street? An’ what would ye be doing with ut? Ye wont’ be afther turning us out, I’m thinking.’

‘Not for the world, Mrs Corrigan.’

‘Well, an’ I knew that. I said to them: “It’s cleaning our in-sides he’ll maybe doing, but he’ll never be afther putting us out.” ’

‘When the turn of this house comes, Mrs Corrigan – I hope before very long – we’ll find you good lodgings till you can come back here to new walls and floors and ceilings, a good range, no more bugs, and proper washing arrangements.’

‘Well, an’ wouldn’t that be the day I’d like to see!’

‘You’ll see it fast enough. Look, Michael, if I put my finger through there, the genuine article will stalk forth! It’s you that can’t knock holes in your walls, Mrs Corrigan.’

‘An’ that’s the truth o’ God,’ replied Mrs Corrigan. ‘The last time Corrigan knocked a peg in, ’twas terrible – the life there was in there!’

‘Well, Mrs Corrigan, I’m delighted to see you looking so well. Good-morning, and tell Corrigan if his donkey wants a rest any time, there’ll be room in our paddock. Will you be going hopping this year?’

‘We will that,’ replied Mrs Corrigan. ‘Good-day to your rivirence; good-day, sorr!’

On the bare, decrepit landing Hilary Charwell said: ‘Salt of the earth, Michael. But imagine living in that atmosphere! Luckily they’re all “snoof”’.

’What?’ said Michael, taking deep breaths of the somewhat less complicated air.

‘It’s a portmanteau syllable for “Got no sense of smell to speak of”. And wanted too. One says “deaf”, “blind”, “dumb” – why not“snoof”?’

‘Excellent! How long do you reckon it’ll take you to convert this street, Uncle Hilary?’

‘About three years.’

‘And how are you going to get the money?’

‘Win, wangle, and scrounge it. In here there are three girls who serve in “Petter and Poplins”. They’re all out, of course. Neat, isn’t it? See their paper bags?’

‘I say, Uncle, would you blame a girl for doing anything to get out of a house like this?’

‘No,’ said the Reverend Hilary, ‘I would not, and that’s the truth o’ God.’

‘That’s why I love you, Uncle Hilary. You restore my faith in the Church.’

‘My dear boy,’ said Hilary, ‘the old Reformation was nothing to what’s been going on in the Church lately. You wait and see! Though I confess a little wholesome Disestablishment would do us all no harm. Come and have lunch, and we’ll talk about my slum conversion scheme. We’ll bring James along.’

‘You see,’ he resumed, when they were seated in the Vicarage dining-room, ‘there must be any amount of people who would be glad enough to lay out a small portion of their wealth at two-and–a-half per cent, with prospect of a rise to four as time went on, if they were certain that it meant the elimination of the slums. We’ve experimented and we find that we can put slum houses into proper living condition for their existing population at a mere fraction over the old rents, and pay two-and–a-half on our outlay. If we can do that here, it can be done in all slum centres, by private Slum Conversion Societies such as ours, working on the principle of not displacing the existing slum population. But what’s wanted, of course, is money – a General Slum Conversion fund – Bonds at two per cent, with bonuses, repayable in twenty years, from which the Societies could draw funds as they need them for buying and converting slum property.’

‘How will you repay the Bonds in twenty years?’

‘Oh! Like the Government – by issuing more.’