‘Yes; you’re very kind, but you don’t admire it.’
‘I admire you.’
‘You mean, desire me. You admire Norah Curfew.’
‘Norah Curfew! For all I care, she might snuff out tomorrow.’
And from her face he had the feeling that she believed him.
‘If it isn’t her, it’s what she stands for – all that I’m not.’
‘I admire a lot in you,’ said Michael, fervently; ‘your intelligence, your flair; I admire you with Kit and your father; your pluck; and the way you put up with me.’
‘No, I admire you much more than you admire me. Only, you see, I’m not capable of devotion.’
‘What about Kit?’
‘I’m devoted to myself – that’s all.’
He reached across the table and touched her hand.
‘Morbid, darling.’
‘No. I see too clearly to be morbid.’
She was leaning back, and her throat, very white and round, gleamed in the alabaster-shaded light; little choky movements were occurring there.
‘Michael, I want you to take me round the world.’
‘And leave Kit?’
‘He’s too young to mind. Beside, my mother would look after him.’
If she had got as far as that, this was a deliberate desire!
‘But your father –’
‘He’s not really old yet, and he’d have Kit’
‘When we rise in August, perhaps –’
‘No, now.’
‘It’s only five months to wait. We’d have time in the vacation to do a lot of travelling.’
Fleur looked straight at him.
‘I knew you cared more for Foggartism now than for me.’
‘Be reasonable, Fleur.’
‘For five months – with the feeling I’ve got here!’ she put her hand to her breast. ‘I’ve had six months of it already. You don’t realize, I suppose, that I’m down and out?’
‘But, Fleur, it’s all so –’
‘Yes, it’s always petty to mind being a dead failure, isn’t it?’
‘But, my child–’
‘Oh! If you can’t feel it–!’
‘I can – I felt wild this evening. But all you’ve got to do is to let them see that you don’t care; and they’ll come buzzing round again like flies. It would be running away, Fleur.’
‘No,’ said Fleur, coldly, ‘it’s not that – I don’t try twice for the same prize. Very well, I’ll stay and be laughed at.’
Michael got up.
‘I know you don’t think there’s anything to my job. But there is, Fleur, and I’ve put my hand to it. Oh! don’t look like that Dash it! This is dreadful!’
‘I suppose I could go by myself. That would be more thrilling.’
‘Absurd! Of course you couldn’t! You’re seeing blue to-night, old thing. It’ll all seem different to-morrow.’
‘To-morrow and to-morrow! No, Michael, mortification has set in, my funeral can take place any day you like!’
Michael’s hands went up. She meant what she was saying! To realize, he must remember how much store she had set on her powers as hostess; how she had worked for her collection and shone among it! Her house of cards all pulled about her ears! Cruel! But would going round the world help her? Yes! Her instinct was quite right. He had been round the world himself, nothing else would change her values in quite that way; nothing else would so guarantee oblivion in others and herself! Lippinghall, her father’s, the sea for the five months till vacation came – they wouldn’t meet her case! She needed what would give her back her importance. And yet, how could he go until vacation? Foggartism – that lean and lonely plant – un-watered and without its only gardener, would wither to its roots, if, indeed, it had any. There was some movement in it now, interest here and there – this Member and that were pecking at it. Private efforts in the same direction were gathering way. And time was going on – Big Ben had called no truce; unemployment swelling, trade dawdling, industrial trouble brewing – brewing, hope losing patience! And what would old Blythe say to his desertion now?
‘Give me a week,’ he muttered. ‘It’s not easy. I must think it over.’
Chapter Ten
THE NEW LEAF
WHEN MacGown came up to her, Marjorie Ferrar thought: ‘Does he know about Bertie?’ Fresh from her triumph over ‘that little snob’, fluttered by the sudden appearance of her past, and confronted with her present, she was not in complete possession of her head. When they had moved away into an empty side room, she faced him.
‘Well, Alec, nothing’s changed. I still have a past as lurid as yesterday. I’m extremely sorry I ever kept it from you. But I did practically tell you, several times; only you wouldn’t take it.’