The Forlorn(68)

"You saved them, Cay. Without you they'd have died." Her eyes were soft, sympathetic.

He looked at the deck planking to avoid looking at her. "I knew who they were, see. Because . . ." it came out in a rush, "the woman I was with those nights in Port Lockry. It was her face the captain was thinking of. She . . . I was just an escape, I suppose. Maybe she also felt sorry for me. There'd been the fighting and we'd all been scared to death. And all that killing and . . . well, and she's human, ordinary, not like you. I mean, she also needs, um, just physical . . . But she didn't ever pretend she loved me. She didn't stop loving them. She was worrying about them all the time. Her husband and her three boys. I wanted her to want me."

He looked up. Looked her full in the eyes. "I knew they were there from the night before. And I was going to leave them to die."

He turned and walked off, leaving her to stare open-mouthed after him.

* * *

A lighthouse had already been erected on the cliff above Port Lockry, and the channel was now clear, even at low water. There was a huge crowd to welcome them into port. Keilin found himself peering into the crowd, his keen eyes looking for her face. He found it, and thus was able to watch the expression as someone called out. "Hey . . . That's Hedda's crew on board!" And he saw hope blossom, and he saw her begin frantically waving.

Keilin was sitting in the deserted ship's mess, getting himself quietly and systematically drunk. Everyone else was ashore. In the excitement of the castaways' return he'd been able to slip away between decks without too much effort. S'kith had wanted to stay on board with him, but Keilin had chased him off to join the three enthusiastically waving girls, with Bey's amused comments still ringing in his ears. But now the ship was ghostly quiet, only the near-still-water sounds of an occasional moving hawser, breaking its tomb stillness. He heard feet on the gangplank, but paid no attention to the noise, other than to hope that whoever it was wouldn't disturb him.

"Boy Hero." Only one person had ever called him that. He stood up unsteadily. She came over to him as he swayed next to the mess table. Took his hands. Her eyes were luminous with a kind of deep happiness that had been absent when he'd last been with her. Then she hugged him. "Gabe told me what you did. Sven and my son wanted to ask you to come and stay with us. I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I said you'd feel awkward there." She gave a small smile, guilty, and yet mischievous, making her face look twenty years younger. "I didn't say you'd probably have walked into the wrong damn bedroom."

Keilin felt his ears burning, and his heart doing uncomfortable bumps. "I'm sorry . . . I couldn't do anything about your other boys," he said, awkwardly.

She sighed. "Lover. Three days ago they were all dead. I didn't want to admit it, but . . . I didn't ever really believe I'd see them again. But I still came down to see every ship that came in, just in case there was news. When I saw it was Starchaser coming in I was bitterly angry . . . with you. What right had you to come back safely when my man and my boys were lost? I didn't want to see you ever again. And then my Sven and Olaf were on board! I even kissed old Gabe Soren's ugly face about sixteen times. And then about an hour later . . . I found out that if it hadn't been for you, Boy Hero, they wouldn't ever have come home."

She smiled softly. Touched his cheek gently. "It . . . couldn't have been easy for you, seeing them go with me, so happy, an' you left here alone, but . . . it was the greatest gift you could ever have given me. I hope you find a girl of your own age soon and"—mischief dimpled her cheek—"I hope she likes your spear as much as I did. If not, well, come an' see me, if Sven's away. If Olaf ever leaves home again. He's taking a job in the boatyard and not going to sea again, I'm glad to say. Sven's got the captaincy of a coaster. It's not what he's used to, but it'll see him home more often."

Keilin swayed, but he managed to smile in return. "I probably won't ever be back, Mara. You, I, it was . . . um. Anyway, you'll be busy with the baby."

Her face blanked. "Baby?"

"You're going to have one. A girl. I know."

She was silent for a long time. "Yours?"

He shook his head. "It just hit me now. I really don't know. I just saw the picture of you . . . and it. Her. Counting toes."

The smile began slowly, and grew, and grew. "Not bloody morning sickness again! At my age!" She hugged him fiercely. "You know what, Keilin. I don't care who her father is. Only . . . she'll never go away to sea. Good-bye . . . Boy Hero." She kissed him slowly, "Good luck and . . . I'll always be thinking of you."