The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(97)

‘Dear Ravena, I doubt she’s ever got anything right,’ Cicely said to Audrey, winking at her. ‘At least her lies are nice lies. I’d hate to think of her frightening people.’

‘Well, someone here’s very happy, so it was worth two half crowns,’ Audrey replied and laughed.

‘Well?’ said Masha, turning to her daughter. Ravena sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

‘I had to pretend,’ she confessed.

‘Again?’ said her mother, shaking her head in disapproval. ‘Your grandmother would tremble in her grave if she knew how you’re abusing your gift.’

‘I couldn’t tell her what I saw. Like with Mrs Weatherby, I couldn’t reveal what lies ahead. Some things are better not knowing.’

‘You’ll lose your ability.’

‘Perhaps I should give up and pick plums with Dad and Florien instead of looking into people’s futures.’

‘Don’t be a ninny. It’s what you’re good at. You should just have courage, that’s all. After all, we are the masters of our destinies, nothing is set in stone. You could have steered her in a better direction.’

‘There was no point. That child is already way off course,’ she said gravely and shook her head. ‘I’m going for a ride. I feel depressed.’ And she wandered off to untie the pony, reflecting on Alicia’s dark nature.

It was well past midnight when Leonora and Saggy Rabbit padded down the corridor to her mother’s room. She held a candle that fought against an icy draught entering through one of the rickety old windows. She was afraid to turn on the light for Cicely hated to waste electricity. Shuddering with cold she lingered a moment at her mother’s door. She knew she was meant to be a big girl and Alicia would certainly tease her in the morning – she already teased her about carrying ‘that smelly rabbit’ around with her everywhere. But she yearned for her mother’s warm embrace, for the security of lying close to her and for the comfort of having her to herself like she had always done as a small child.

She knocked and then turned the knob. She heard the rustling of sheets as Audrey turned over and sat up. ‘Who’s that?’ she asked, dreading for a moment that it might be Marcel, spying on her again. But then she saw her little girl’s pale face illuminated in the golden flame of the candle and smiled tenderly. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, shuffling over to make room.

‘I’m lonely,’ Leonora replied in a small voice. Audrey smiled indulgently.

‘Come on then, my love. I’m lonely too.’

Leonora climbed into bed and blew out the candle. She curled into a ball and felt her mother snuggle up behind her, so that they lay pressed together.

‘I miss you when I’m at school,’ said Leonora. It was easier to speak of her fears in the darkness, when she didn’t have to look at her mother’s sad face.

Audrey squeezed her gently. ‘I miss you too. I miss you terribly. Not a moment of the day goes by when I don’t think about you both. But you’ll settle in and love it the way Aunt Cicely did. She talks about it now as if she’s still there. It seems a lovely place.’

‘It is. I like Miss Reid and I like Gussie. Cazzie’s my best friend. She’s homesick too sometimes, but at least she has her sisters there and they’re kind to her.’

‘You have Alicia.’

‘Yes,’ said Leonora flatly. ‘I have my sister too.’ She couldn’t explain how Alicia acted as if they weren’t even related, that would have upset her mother too much.

‘You’ll be home for the Christmas holidays. Four whole weeks, imagine. We’ll have a very English Christmas. I’ll show Mercedes how to cook a Christmas pudding and mince pies and we’ll open all our presents under the tree with Granny and Grandpa. It’s not long now. Only ten weeks. They’ll go very fast and you’ll be home before you know it.’

‘But then we’ll have to leave again. I hate leaving,’ she said.

‘I know you do, my love. Don’t think about it now. Things always seem so much worse at night. You’re with me now and I love you very much. Very much. Try to think of nice things.’

So Leonora tried to think of nice things while Audrey thought of all the nasty things for her. Like parting, returning home to a hollow marriage and an empty house. Like long years ahead of airport farewells and precious moments together that would go far too quickly. Oh, Cecil, she thought, what have you done?

The following day it rained. Leonora was unable to enjoy herself because the minutes drained away pushing her closer to the afternoon and the painful drive back to school. She clung to her mother and said very little while Alicia sat in the gypsy’s caravan making Ravena read her fortune over and over again. Audrey tried to cheer Leonora up by making a small garden out of a shoebox, using moss from the roof of the house and little flowers that they hunted for in the rain under a big golf umbrella that had once belonged to Hugh. The child began to smile as she busied herself with gluing pieces on and setting a circle of aluminium foil in the bottom of the box to resemble a pond. Cicely made chocolate crispies for tea and let the twins lick the bowl, which they had to fight over with Barley, who was determined to shove his wet nose in there before them.