Audrey drew the child into her arms and held her so tightly she feared she might smother her. ‘You’ll be fine when you settle in. Goodbyes are the hardest part,’ she soothed, wiping her own tears on her daughter’s coat. Her child felt desperately small and frail in her embrace and it was all Audrey could do not to carry her back into the car and take her home.
‘Don’t worry, Mummy, I’ll look after her,’ said Alicia, with a hint of impatience in her voice. ‘She’ll be fine when you’ve gone.’ Audrey tried to pull away but Leonora held onto her with all her strength.
‘I don’t like it, Mummy. Please take me home,’ she begged in a voice hoarse with fear. ‘Take me home.’
‘You’re coming out for the weekend in a fortnight. That’s not very long, is it?’ But nothing would console the child who was now weeping so violently she couldn’t speak.
‘You must leave her,’ said Cicely, touching Audrey’s arm. ‘You’ll only make it worse.’ Audrey prised open her child’s arms and still holding her small hand she kissed Alicia.
‘Look after her, won’t you,’ she said in a desperate tone. ‘She needs you more than ever now.’
‘I will,’ Alicia replied, struggling to take Leonora’s other hand which held Saggy Rabbit in a tight grip. ‘Come on, Leo, it’s not that bad. It’s going to be a hoot.’
Audrey fled without looking back. If she had she would have seen Leonora’s forlorn little face staring at her in disbelief as the car swept up the gravel. Instead she threw her head back against the seat and cried. ‘How could I cause my daughter so much pain? I’m a monster,’ she wailed. Cicely’s eyes filled with tears and she recalled her first night at Colehurst House. The loneliness and emptiness was something she would never forget as long as she lived. Although she had grown to love the place with a passion, there was nothing quite like that first night.
Alicia put her arm around her sister and led her inside. The older girls stared at her with curiosity and fascination while the younger ones bit their bottom lips and tried not to be drawn into her misery. They too missed their parents and wanted to cry. Leonora watched them all with dread through vision blurred with tears. The house was bustling with children, echoing with laughter and yet Leonora had never felt so alone in her life. It was like a nightmare but she was awake and her mother was now far away. She wanted to curl into a tight ball like a hedgehog and prick anyone who came close. Alicia was trying to console her but words couldn’t bring her mother back, nor could they soothe the deep sense of rejection that stung like a fresh wound. She followed Alicia up the stairs like a sleepwalker and clung onto her hand afraid that if she let go Alicia too would disappear and then she really would be alone; a lamb in a field full of lions.
When they arrived in Milne a large group of girls awaited them beside Leonora’s bed. They fell silent the moment the twins entered and even Alicia’s heart stalled at that point. Because they had come straight into the second year all the girls of their age knew each other. Leonora and Alicia shuddered, anticipating hostility. But to their surprise the girls smiled and rushed at them with faces creasing with sympathy. Miss Reid had explained that Alicia and Leonora had come from a country very far away and that they must be looked after. So like rare creatures from another world the girls devoured them with wide eyes and questions and because Leonora was small and trembling the elder ones took her from her sister and mothered her. Alicia was only too pleased and disappeared next door with great purpose. A long-faced, freckly girl sat Leonora down on her bed and put her arm around her shoulders. ‘I’m Toadie Martin, Victoria really, but everyone calls me Toadie,’ she said. ‘I’m your shadow and am only in the dorm down the corridor called Byron. So if you’re worried about anything you can come and find me. I’m in the year above you.’ She watched Leonora snivel and patted her on the back. ‘Poor old you. We all felt like this the first time but it does get better. Every day will be a little easier than the one before and you’re not alone because we’re all here and we’re going to look after you.’ Leonora sniffed and dried her tears on Saggy Rabbit’s soft fur. Tentatively she began to feel a little better.
Alicia returned from Dickens carrying a large pot, grinning broadly. ‘Who would like a spoonful of dulce de leche?’
Because it was dark and the journey home was long and because she felt so unhappy, Audrey confided in Cicely. ‘I fought Cecil over this,’ she explained. Out of loyalty and duty she had never spoken to anyone of her resentment towards her husband, not even to her mother or Aunt Edna who would have understood. But now Cecil was far away and she had witnessed the reality of boarding school she felt that loyalty waver like a weakened oak tree in a ferocious wind. ‘Alicia was expelled from her school because the teachers couldn’t cope with her exuberance. It was nothing too serious, there are other good schools in Buenos Aires. Leonora loved it there, she was so happy. Then Cecil suddenly dreamed up this idea of sending them to be educated over here. I nearly died. You can imagine. What have I got to go home to?’