The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(53)

‘But surely at a time like this Audrey should welcome his comfort.’

‘Everyone deals with grief in their own way, Hilda,’ interjected Edna. ‘Audrey’s always been a bit different from other girls. She’s a private person, introverted. Remember she’s not only lost her sister, God bless her, but her best friend.’ Then turning to Rose she added with a heavy sigh, ‘Isn’t there something we can do to raise her spirits? Mourning too much is very bad for one’s health.’

‘Well,’ Rose began in a small voice, ‘Cecil did make a suggestion.’

‘What was that?’

‘It sounds a bit outlandish, but . . .’

‘I’d try anything once,’ said Edna.

‘He suggested we buy a piano, just a small one, you know, an upright.’

‘Whatever for?’ Hilda asked. ‘She hasn’t played the piano for years.’

‘Cecil says that Louis plays to soothe his spirits. He once saw Audrey play with him and she seemed to take great pleasure from it.’

‘What a tremendous idea, Rose. What does Henry say?’ Edna asked with enthusiasm. What this house needs, she thought, is a bit of gaiety.

‘He’s willing to try,’ she replied.

‘Well, get a piano as soon as possible, before that child ruins any hope for her future. Cecil will only wait so long.’

Rose hastily bought a piano which was delivered the following week. Audrey still refused to leave her room, so stricken with grief was she. Albert and his two younger brothers delighted in tinkling the keys until Rose told them sternly that it was for Audrey and until she felt like playing it, no one else would. Then just when she was on the point of despairing she awoke one night in early spring to the haunting music of Audrey’s tormented soul. She crept out of bed, slipped into her dressing gown and tiptoed down the stairs. As she neared the study the melody got louder until she peered around the door to see Audrey’s straight back and trembling shoulders as she wept to the tune that Louis had composed especially for her. Her pale fingers glided over the keys as if she had played all her life and her eyes were closed to allow the music to take her to all the exotic places she had dreamed of visiting with Louis. Rose felt the emotion rise in her throat and placed her fingers over her mouth to prevent herself from gasping. She stood in the shadows watching and listening as her daughter expressed her grief. Then she left as quietly as she had come. Audrey would never know that her mother had shared in this intensely private moment.

Audrey realized now that Louis wasn’t ever coming back. She had allowed her regret to eat away at her spirit until she had very little of it left. She had mourned for her sister until thoughts of Louis had begun to dominate every present moment and she had waited and waited and waited until hope had given way to despair and finally resignation. The piano and their music was all she had left of him and once she began to play she was unable to stop.

She bashed out her fury in clashing chords that hurt her ears and sent the furniture vibrating with the very force of her anger. Louis hadn’t allowed her a moment to grieve, he had demanded she settle their future at the one time she was unable to. The very day Isla had been taken from her. Then in a fit of impatience and petulance he had deserted her. What sort of a man could behave with such irrationality? What had come over him? Then she played out her sadness in harmonious chords that she stroked with loving fingers until even Aunt Hilda’s stony eyes seeped tears. The one man she had ever loved was gone and the notes sung out her pain and her hopelessness. Then when she was alone in the darkness of the midnight hours she would feel him close by, so close she could almost smell him, and her fingers would dance across the keys as if by a will of their own and their sonata would resonate through the room and through the months that ensued. It was their tune, the only expression of their unbreakable bond and she played it to remember him as she willed herself to remember him, before that evening in the church when her dreams had been shattered. And she called it ‘The Forget-Me-Not Sonata’ for as long as she played it she would not forget him.

But the most surprising thing was that with every tune she began to feel better. Her spirits began to rise and her wounds began to heal.

Then without her even noticing, Cecil earned her friendship and her trust and finally her affection.

Audrey sat on the sand and gazed out across the sea that was surprisingly tempestuous for midsummer. The sun was on the brink of melting into the water and she waited as she had always done as a child for the hiss and the steam. But none came. So much had changed since her coming of age. The world looked different somehow. With Isla’s death and Louis’ disappearance now over two years ago a part of her had gone to sleep. A sure way of dealing with the pain.