The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(47)

Rose shook her head. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Look.’

Rose looked. Audrey was right. The first and the sixth candle in a row of twelve had simply gone out. They smoked away in triumph.

‘What are you talking about, Audrey?’ her mother hissed between snivels.

‘Isla,’ she gasped.

‘Good God!’ Rose exclaimed in amazement. ‘You don’t think . . .?’

‘Yes! Isla was sixteen. What else could it be?’

They both stared at the altar. But although they couldn’t see her they were both sure that Isla’s spirit was there somewhere.

Once the funeral was over Audrey helped her mother to her feet. ‘Darling Audrey, you’re such a comfort to me,’ she said, smiling at her daughter with tenderness. ‘If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I’d do. You’re my only little girl now. You were my first; I never thought I’d ever love another child as much as I loved you. But then Isla arrived and I realized that children come into the world bringing their own love and I loved her as intensely as I loved you. But now it’s you and me again. I prayed for you today. I prayed that Cecil will look after you and see that no harm comes to you.’ Audrey cast her eyes to the floor in shame. If only her mother knew who she really loved. ‘I feel your future is safe with Cecil,’ she said, patting her daughter’s hand. ‘Now go and find him, my dear, and ask him back to the house for tea. Everyone’s invited, Maria Sol’s made empanadas.’ Audrey watched her mother walk up the aisle with her father and felt a tremendous wave of sadness.

Slowly the church was drained of its mournful congregation. The hushed voices retreated until Audrey found herself alone at last with the invisible spirit of Isla. Quietly she crept up to the altar where the first and the sixth candle still smoked in proof that a miracle had taken place. Isla had spoken in death in the only way she could. She had always had a keen eye for drama and trickery. With trembling hands Audrey reached up and pulled the two candles out of their silver candlesticks and brought them down to eye level where she could see them better. Then she knelt down and closed her eyes and in the silence of the empty church she believed she could feel her sister’s presence as intensely as if she were alive.

‘Oh Isla, I hoped you’d come. I’m so lost without you. I feel so afraid, so rootless. How could you leave us all so quickly, without any warning? We didn’t even have time to tell you how much we all love you and how special you are. But then you know, don’t you? You always knew and now you know better than ever before, because you can see everything clearly from where you are. I wish I were there with you. I don’t want to go on living without you. Life suddenly seems so long and so arduous. Where will I be without your friendship, your support, your laughter and your love? I don’t think I have the will to go through with it.’ She was no longer aware of where she was. The words spilled out without restraint. She wasn’t even aware of her tears or the sound of her voice that had ceased to be a whisper. ‘You were so vibrant, Isla,’ she continued. ‘Where did your life go? Why didn’t you fight harder? I’ll never stop missing you or loving you. None of us will. And one day we’ll be reunited. Oh Isla, I can’t help but long for that moment.’

When she had finished she kissed the candles before placing them back in their silver candlesticks. Then she turned to leave, wiping her eyes with her gloves, adjusting her small hat and sweeping the hair off her face. To her surprise someone sat in the shadows at the back of the church. She felt the colour rise to her cheeks, embarrassed that someone might have heard her or, worse, seen her kiss the candle sticks. When she got a little closer she realized it was Louis.

‘Louis!’ she exclaimed. ‘What are you doing there?’

‘Waiting for you,’ he replied, getting up. When he came forward into the light, Audrey noticed that beneath his hat his face was as grey as ash and his eyes swollen and sore.

‘Oh, Louis, I can’t believe she’s dead,’ she sniffed, blinking up at him awkwardly. Louis wanted to fold her into his arms and yet something prevented him from acting spontaneously. Audrey seemed to have withdrawn her love. Instead of the warm aura that usually surrounded her, a coolness kept him at a distance. Isla’s death had shifted the dynamic. He swallowed his anguish and attempted to speak, but only a rasping hiss escaped his throat. ‘She was my dearest friend in the world,’ Audrey continued as if oblivious of his pain. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to live without her.’ He watched her, small and vulnerable and pale as if all the colour had been leached out leaving her deflated and waxen. His long fingers twitched nervously at his side as the music grew louder in his head. A feverish, tormented melody. He shook his head to free himself of it, yet it persisted until he could barely hear what she was saying. Then, just as he was about to break down she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed against him. Louis staggered forward and drew her to him, breathing the perfume on her skin as if it was the oxygen he needed to live. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair. The music quietened with the frantic beating of his heart until only the tears revealed his hurt and they were shed in silence. They both clung to each other, Audrey for support, Louis for survival. But they both knew that Isla’s death had shattered their dream.