The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(19)
Audrey’s heart stumbled at that moment because she knew that she had reached Louis, that he had invited her into his world, that she had made herself at home there. Cecil looked so strained when he spoke of his brother she wanted to reassure him by telling him of their shared love of music and their piano playing, but she held back. When Cecil looked at her steadily she saw how he admired her and she didn’t want to crush him. He hadn’t appeared vulnerable before, but now, talking about his brother, he looked defeated.
‘Has he always been like that?’ she asked, picking up a fallen leaf and rubbing it between her fingers to release the medicinal scent of eucalyptus.
‘Yes. He was always happier on his own than with other children. He didn’t seem to relate to anyone. The only time he came to life was when he played the piano. My mother had a large grand in the drawing room at home and he’d sit playing for hours, inventing tunes even before he began to learn to read music formally. He could play anything, you’d only have to hum a tune and he’d transform it into something incredible. I don’t know where that gift came from, neither of my parents are particularly musical. My mother plays only because her parents forced her to learn when she was growing up, but she isn’t a natural, not like Louis. Then he didn’t enlist when all the other young men of his age volunteered to fight. That was an awful blow for my father, who fought in the Great War and was awarded an MC. He’s a proud man, a military man, he’s never understood Louis. Mama, being a woman and more sensitive, did her best, but then gave up when Louis drifted further and further away.’
‘What about Cicely?’
‘Ah, Cicely, she’s a female version of Papa. Louis was always an embarrassment. She pretended he was adopted. She used to say it so often I almost began to believe it, so unlike the rest of us is Louis.’
‘How cruel,’ Audrey gasped. ‘Did Louis know?’
‘I’m afraid he did, but he didn’t seem to mind. I don’t think he wanted to belong to us. He doesn’t want to belong to anyone. I brought him out here because I thought a new place would be good for him. A place where no one knows him, where he can start from scratch.’
Audrey looked at him, her faced aglow with admiration. ‘You’re a very kind man,’ she said, her eyes brimming with gratitude. ‘Louis is so lucky to have you to look after him.’
‘I do my best, but at times I wonder why. I get little thanks and it hurts me to hear people criticize him.’
‘They’re rude because they don’t know any better. It’s a small community, if you don’t conform to their standards you’re an outcast. I’ve seen it,’ she said, thinking of Emma Letton.
‘I’m afraid Louis doesn’t stand a chance.’
‘Oh, but he does. He’ll win them all over in the end. I’ve never heard anyone play the piano more beautifully – anyway, he’s not odd, just eccentric and artistic. He’s unique, a very gifted, very special human being.’
‘You’re sweet,’ he said, losing his heart to her all over again. ‘If I tell you a secret, will you promise to keep it, no matter what?’
Audrey nodded gravely. ‘I promise,’ she replied.
Cecil stared into the hazy blue distance. ‘Louis wanted to fight. He wanted desperately to join the war effort but he wasn’t allowed to. It’s his health you see.’
‘What’s wrong with him?’ she asked in a thin, anxious voice.
Cecil sighed heavily, aware that he was divulging something that only his immediate family knew. He hesitated a moment, fighting with his conscience. Then pushing aside his reservations he said in a low voice, ‘He had a psychotic breakdown a few years ago.’
‘What’s a psychotic breakdown?’
‘A nervous breakdown. He was hospitalized for a few months with severe depression. He’s unable to cope under pressure. He can’t be relied on, you see.’
‘I see,’ she said slowly, her heart flooding with affection for this deeply troubled young man. Then she added after a moment’s thought, ‘I’m sure love would cure him. He needs someone to love him and look after him.’
‘We all need that,’ said Cecil softly. He looked at her with steady eyes.
‘He’s obviously too sensitive for such a cruel world,’ she concluded.
‘You understand so well and you’re so young. Where does this wise head of yours come from?’
Audrey laughed bashfully. ‘I don’t think I’m particularly wise.’
‘Yes, you are.’
‘I read a lot. I read everything. Novels, hundreds of novels. You learn a lot about human nature through literature.’