She was sure of her allure and unlike other girls she showed no apprehension or inhibition, but abandoned herself to him with a mouth half twisted with amusement. Florien was too busy feasting on her and his good luck to notice the contemptuous glint in her eyes. He was sure that she loved him, for why else would she give him such a precious gift? Her virginity. She had chosen him and he felt glorious.
Alicia discovered that she enjoyed sex. Not only was it physically pleasurable but it was another wonderful power game to be played and won. She was amused at how easy men were to seduce. She had already worked out that beauty was a formidable weapon in a world obsessed with image, but now she realized that sex was the atomic power of such warfare. Men lost their minds because of it. They were weakened by their own carnal longings and she despised them for their fragility and intended to exploit it for her own ends. As she lay there in his arms, while he kissed her forehead and caressed her hair, telling her how lovely she was and how much he had enjoyed her, she fantasized about the wealth and status she was going to acquire with her beauty and her body. The wide smile of a satisfied cat crept across her face.
Florien was mortified when Alicia had to return to boarding school. ‘Only another year,’ she taunted him. ‘Then we’ll have the whole of our lives to spend together.’
‘I’ll never love another like I love you, Alicia.’ He took off the Saint Christopher pendant he always wore about his neck. ‘I want you to have this,’ he said, gazing at her with dewy eyes.
‘What is it?’ she asked, screwing up her nose. ‘Is it pretty? Let me see.’ She held the gold necklace in her hand and decided that she liked it very much.
‘It will bring you luck.’
‘Goodie,’ she exclaimed, lifting her thick hair so that he could place it around her neck. He clasped the little chain then kissed the white skin that was usually covered with curls. She giggled.
‘I really do love you,’ he said and sighed happily.
‘I know, Florien. You’re terribly sweet,’ she replied glibly.
‘When will you be coming back?’
‘In a few weekends’ time. Then there’s half-term, then the Christmas holidays and I’ll be flying back home. You’ll have to find somewhere else for our loving when the hay bales go.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll find a cosy place. We’ll keep warm together in the wintertime.’
‘Yes,’ she replied, trying to muster up a little enthusiasm. She didn’t much like romantic talk and knew she wasn’t very good at it. But she was aware that if she didn’t play the game he’d think less of her and perhaps wouldn’t make himself so available. Besides, she had noticed Leonora’s forlorn face which made the game all the more worth playing.
Leonora had indeed noticed Florien’s ill-disguised ardour for her sister. She was hurt because she genuinely adored him and longed for him to reciprocate her feelings, but as usual she didn’t blame Alicia. She accepted her sister’s superiority in every field and bowed out gracefully. Alicia was beautiful and talented and charming, everything that she wasn’t, and she was devoted to her. If Alicia wanted Florien she’d be pleased for her and do all in her power to assist the relationship. However, her generosity of spirit came at a price. She wasn’t immune to the unhappiness it caused, for once again she was left out, ignored, isolated. She yearned for home and the security of her mother’s unconditional love while at the same time she knew she was meant to be a grown-up who shouldn’t need her mother any more. Besides, Audrey had a somewhat unusual seven year old to take care of. If it weren’t for Aunt Cicely, whose affection for her was almost as unconditional as her mother’s, and the garden, fields and woods where she felt the strong presence of a higher power, she would have felt very alone in the world.
Leonora loved taking Barley and the other dogs for long walks around the farm. The wide expanse of fields that opened out before her and extended into soft undulating hills filled her spirit with courage and prevented her from feeling sorry for herself. Out there beneath the sky she questioned the meaning of life and death with the cycle of the seasons and she learned that happiness is in accepting things the way they are and not trying to fight them. For winter melted effortlessly into spring and spring blossomed easily into summer to finally subside with grace into the rich red and golden palate of autumn. What will be, will be, she thought and such resignation had its own rewards. She decided she wasn’t going to waste her life chasing the material world, for what could give her more pleasure than this ever-changing panorama? She knew instinctively that nothing was important but love and life and she could get all that in the Dorset countryside. Her future lay with Nature for it was there that she felt at home. She was too humble to expect Florien’s love but she dreamed about it all the same. She sometimes imagined living the life of a gypsy, working in the garden, planting, picking and potting. She’d love more than anything to build a home in a prettily painted caravan, own a few sturdy horses and have enough children for games around the camp fire. Now with Florien’s infatuation with her sister her dreams seemed little more than the smoke that rose above the woods from the burning fields beyond. But she tried not to yield to her breaking heart; as long as she was in the countryside, she conceded, she’d never be unhappy.