The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(121)

There was a long silence while Aunt Edna asked the waiter for another plate of scones and Audrey sat staring at the tea leaves that had collected at the bottom of her cup. ‘My dear child,’ Aunt Edna said finally. Her voice was gentle and made Audrey want to cry again. She could cope with fury but sympathy debilitated her completely. ‘When you were a little girl I imagined your future would be blessed, because you had been born with an easy nature as well as beauty. Isla, on the other hand, was sure to court disaster because she was born with a more complicated nature. No one could ever have predicted this. But I know you, my dear, and love you very much. That is why I can tell you that you won’t run off with Louis. Your sense of duty is too strong and always has been. People don’t really change on the whole. But your situation has. You know in your heart that you have too much to lose. I know you don’t welcome my advice. I am the voice of your conscience. But I will give it to you anyway.’ She placed her hand on Audrey’s arm again and looked her steadily in the eye. ‘Light a candle for Louis and keep it burning. But let him go and save yourself and your family from this tempest that can only damage you all. No one knows what the future holds but it is in your hands to shape it, for you and your children. It is your choice. I know you will do the right thing.’

Audrey rode across the plains at a gallop. The wind streamed through her hair and swept away her tears before they had time to touch her cheeks. She was furious. Furious with Aunt Edna for voicing her own secret doubts and furious at herself for succumbing to them. Thoughts of Louis, her children and Cecil crowded her mind and clashed with each other in an imaginary battle of wills. What would Isla have done? She knew. Isla would have stuck her pretty nose in the air and eloped with him before any of this had happened. She wouldn’t have let him go in the first place, even in the wake of her sister’s funeral. She certainly wouldn’t have married Cecil. But if she had she would have whipped up a scandal to beat all scandals and run off with Louis, leaving those around her to pick up the pieces and nurse their broken hearts. They’d all survive it and move on. That’s what people did. They survived. Why couldn’t she be more like Isla?

She heard the echo of her aunt’s words and as fast as she galloped she couldn’t outrun them. ‘I know you’ll do the right thing.’ What if she didn’t do the right thing? What then? As she gazed out at the immense sky and wide open plain she felt her unhappiness lift and a dizzy sensation of determination fill her. It was still her choice. She loved Louis and had her whole life ahead of her. She wasn’t going to let herself waste away in a miserable marriage. She’d surprise them all. People do change, she thought rebelliously. I’ve had enough of being the sensible sister. Oh Isla, if you can hear me, help me to be more like you.

Later that day, when she sat across the table from Louis, listening to the twins recount their day at the Club, how Leonora had won the egg and spoon race and how Alicia had poured pepper in the buckets of water before the other children bobbed for apples, she knew she had made the right decision. She loved everything about him, to the extent that her spirit ached beneath the weight of so much tenderness. She loved his deep melancholic eyes that always appeared distracted for he saw the world in a different shade to everyone else. She loved the way his hands often trembled for no reason and his fingers twitched in search of the imaginary piano he played all the time. She loved his mouth that could suddenly open into a wide, infectious smile and then just as suddenly fall into misery, reflecting the turmoil of a heart not quite like others. She loved the man inside whom no one else knew or understood but her and he loved her back equally. When she focused her eyes again she saw that he was staring back at her, his face aglow with affection and gratitude because she had promised that she would never be lost to him, ever.

Finally the day of the twins’ departure arrived. Alicia scrambled out of bed in a fever of excitement while Leonora pushed herself further down beneath the sheets of her mother’s bed and cried. She was inconsolable. Even when Aunt Edna and her grandmother arrived for breakfast armed with more gifts for them to take to England.

Cecil had said goodbye before catching the train as usual into the city and Audrey quietly fumed, wondering how he could have the heart to work on a morning such as this. But she didn’t complain for Louis was there to wrap his arms around Leonora and dance with her about the room until her face blossomed into a reluctant smile. That was before the search for Saggy Rabbit.

Saggy Rabbit had disappeared and Leonora refused to leave for the airport until she found him. The whole house was turned upside down in search of the floppy brown toy that had become irreplaceable to Leonora. ‘I’m not leaving without him,’ she sobbed. She loved him with the intensity of a child who has spent long months away from friends and family.