“Maybe less sad for you. I imagined all of us getting together when we’re home on breaks. I didn’t think this would be the end.”
“I’ll still hang with you and Derek. And you and I can still have fun on our breaks,” I say, trying to cheer her up. “I’m sorry, but you don’t expect me to hang around Tommy, do you?”
“Of course not,” she says. Her voice cracks, and I turn to her.
“Ems, don’t cry. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
“I didn’t get in to USC,” she blurts out.
My mouth falls open. “You didn’t?” I realize I haven’t asked her about it in weeks.
She shakes her head, letting a tear fall down her cheek. “No . . . I haven’t even told Derek yet.”
“Oh my gosh, Ems. I’m so sorry.” I rest my hand on her shoulder. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life, I had no idea what my best friend was going through. “When did you find out?”
“I got the letter on Tuesday.”
So that’s why she’s been extra gloomy.
“When are you going to tell him?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.”
“Do you want me to tell him?”
She pulls into my driveway, wiping a tear. “No, I can do it. Please don’t tell anybody yet.”
“I won’t.” I pause. “Do you want to come in? Talk about it?” I’m meeting Elijah, but that’s not for another few hours.
“No, thanks. I’m going to Derek’s. But what about you? I know you’re going to ASU now, but have you thought about NAU? I mean your dad’s going to be up there now and that would solve living with your mom. We always dreamed of dorming together.”
Crap. That technically would solve the problem. She looks at me like I’m her last bit of hope.
“I didn’t even apply there,” I say. “And it’s too cold. Have you thought about ASU?”
She shakes her head. “No, I want to do the teacher education program at NAU. It’s really good.”
“So is the one at ASU.”
“Just think about it,” she pleads. “Maybe just do your first semester at ASU, then transfer to NAU in the spring. We’d have so much fun together. And you’d be free from your mom and her boyfriend.”
I almost flinch at the unsettling reference. My mom and her boyfriend. It sounds so absurd out loud. I shake off the disturbing label, bringing my focus back to Emily.
“I’ll think about it,” I lie. She doesn’t reply, and I reach over to give her a hug. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”
I ATTEMPT SOME homework, but my mind is useless, so I decide to get ready instead. I take a shower, straighten my hair until it’s nice and sleek, and pack my bag. Just in case, I search my drawer for the pack of condoms, but they’re nowhere to be found. I must’ve left them at the hotel.
You’re welcome, Avery.
I hear my dad’s car pull into the garage, and I bounce down the stairs, meeting him at the door.
“You ready to go get my car?”
He hesitates. “Oh, uh, it’s not ready yet.”
“What do you mean it’s not ready yet?”
He sets his stuff down on the kitchen table. “There are some things wrong with it, and they want to keep it a little longer.”
“How long?” I whine.
“I think they said a week or two.”
What?
“A week or two? What the heck is wrong with it? I need my car!”
“It’s the carburetor mainly,” he mutters, grabbing a beer from the fridge. “Can’t Emily take you to and from school for a while?”
I follow him out to the family room as he sinks into his chair. “Well, yeah, but what about the weekend? I have plans.”
He grabs the remote and clicks on the TV. “Where are you going?”
“I—uh. Nowhere . . . now,” I say.
“Can’t someone pick you up? I would offer you my car, but I need to load it up tonight. I guess I could drop you off first.”
“Uh, no. That’s okay.” What I wouldn’t give to have my best friend in the know so she could take me to Elijah’s. I feel defeated. “Why are you loading up the car?”
“I’m heading out early tomorrow morning to scout some places out, so I’ll be gone all weekend.”
I gloss over the miserable thought of my dad trying to find a place to live on his own and focus on the positive part of his answer: I’ll be gone all weekend.
“Really?” I say, hopeful. My mind flashes to Elijah coming over tomorrow night. It’ll be risky, but he could park the Tahoe in the garage.
“Your mom will be staying here, so you won’t be by yourself,” he says, quickly slaughtering my fantasy.
“Dad, I’m eighteen.”
“I know. It’s not about that. I think she wants to spend some time with you. She’s upset about what happened between you two. She loves you, Kay.”
If she really loved me, she’d let me have my math teacher over for a little rendezvous.
I trudge upstairs to my room and pull out my phone. With how strict Elijah’s been this week, it’s uncomfortable sending him a text. But I have no choice. I let him know I’ll be without my car for possibly two weeks and have to cancel tonight’s plans. I cringe. How embarrassingly juvenile.
My screen suddenly lights up with the name “Garrett” across the top. Holy crap! I can feel my heart beat in my fingertips as I tap the display to answer.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey, baby,” he croons.
“You’re calling me?”
“Thought it’d be easier.”
I can’t keep up with him. He’s so careful one minute and breaking rules the next.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be picking you up.”
I sit on my bed and sigh. “I know.”
“Can you borrow your dad’s car?”
“He’s loading it up for a trip this weekend. And my mom’s coming to stay with me.” Everything I tell him about my life makes me feel like a child. “She wants to spend time with me, but she’ll probably let me have her car tomorrow.”
“No, you should stay with her.”
I’m quiet. I want him to want me to come over as badly as I do.
“You need to patch things up with her. Next weekend, okay?”
Next weekend feels like a million years away.
“Okay . . . hopefully I’ll have my car back by then.”
“Let me know when you get it back, and we’ll have a sleepover.”
My heart flutters. “Okay.”
“Have a good weekend. I’ll see you Monday, baby.”
I SPEND THE rest of the weekend like a caged animal in the zoo. I go for a run first thing Saturday morning in hopes of relieving the tension of captivity. My mom and I never continue our conversation regarding her affair. Instead, we eat an awkward dinner together—well, awkward for me; my mom seems a little too serene for my liking. I can tell she’s happy, but it only escalates my anger. That, and she’s treating me like I’m an egg about to crack. Everyone thinks I’m distraught over Tommy, and I feel myself becoming more and more fractious with every sympathetic gesture.
That evening, my mom and I lounge in the family room for a movie marathon. Sitting still is the last thing I want to do, but I oblige. After rejecting all my violent movie requests, she forces me to watch romantic dramas. Thanks, Mom.
Every cell in my body misses Elijah. The advice he gave me rattles around in my head: You need to patch things up with her. But I can’t talk about it. With my irascible mood, I know it won’t turn out well.
I catch her texting throughout the evening, and I know she’s talking to him. Why else would she be sitting by herself, grinning like a schoolgirl? It’s hard to watch for multiple reasons. The breakup of our family, for one—and my mother’s oblivion to the pain it’s causing everyone. But it’s also a harsh reminder of the restrictions in my relationship with Elijah. I should be texting him with a stupid smile on my face. I should be able to lie in bed and talk to him all night if I please. He should be able to come pick me up for a date. A real date, not a house date where I have to sneak into his garage after sundown.
My mixed emotions weigh heavy on my mind, and I toss and turn most of the night, finally falling asleep after two in the morning. I awake at sunrise, just as restless as the day before, and force myself into my running attire. While I’m stretching, I try to stay in the moment, not letting myself feel anything but my muscles expanding. I go out for a long run and finish off with a cold shower.
I’m turning into Slate.
Fantastic.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
IF LAST WEEK WAS HELL, this week is purgatory—which I always thought would be way worse. The whole “not knowing” thing would be its own kind of hell. Either way you look at it, this week is worse than the last. Every day, I ask my dad about my car. And every day, he tells me it’ll be done in a day or two.
Every day is a disappointment.
I can’t even distract myself with Emily’s company. Ever since she broke the news to Derek about not attending USC with him, she’s been spending every waking hour by his side. We barely even talk during lunch because she’s so focused on his every word. Can’t blame the poor girl, but I’ve never felt lonelier.