I have to release him outside the city walls and trust that the wards will protect everyone inside from his inevitable wrath.
Aladdin heads back toward his rooms, and I follow at a distance, my chest feeling emptier than ever.
It’s time to say goodbye.
Chapter Seventeen
I FIND HIM IN OUR ROOMS, standing in the courtyard. A few candles burn in colorful lanterns the palace staff has hung in the fig trees, lighting the grass with soft blues and reds. Aladdin leans against a pillar, his back to the door, and if he hears me enter, he does not show it. I pause only to drop Zhian’s jar in my bedchamber; I can’t bear to hear his threats and curses right now.
Aladdin doesn’t flinch or even acknowledge me when I arrive at his side. His coat lies draped over the divan behind him, leaving him in a simple white kurta, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His turban lies rumpled on the ground.
His gaze troubles me. All night he has been bright as a flame, smiling, dancing, flirting. That boy is gone. The Aladdin before me looks haunted. His jaw is rigid, his hair messy, his hands clenched so tight the tendons in his forearms stand out like ropes.
“Aladdin . . .”
He tenses, not looking my way.
“What happened between you and Caspida?”
Now he looks at me, and the anger in his eyes catches me by surprise. “I told her all sorts of lies. That I have an army back in Istarya, and treasuries filled with gold, and that it would all be hers if she would marry me.”
A servant has left a pot of tea and refreshments by the divan. I pour myself a cup and warm my hands wth it, trying to keep them from shaking. “What did she say?”
“That she would think about it.” He laughs bitterly, then falls silent for a long moment. I wish I could read his thoughts, but his face is closed to me.
“When I saw you in the hall with Darian,” he says at last, “I felt more angry than I’ve felt in a long time. I was angry and . . . and afraid, that you wanted to be there, that you wanted him touching you. In that one look, I felt more than I’ve ever felt with Caspida. Zahra, I think you’re right—love isn’t a choice. If I could choose to love Caspida, maybe this would all be going differently, but I don’t think that’s possible. Not anymore.”
All the smoke inside me sinks as I stare at him. “What are you saying?”
He turns and meets my gaze squarely. As much I want to, I find it impossible to look away. The intensity of his copper gaze holds me entranced.
“I think you know,” he says softly. “Or am I the only one who feels it?”
My skin and the roots of my hair tingle, as if the air around us is charged, a storm about to break.
“I don’t know what you mean.” The words are bitter on my tongue.
With a growl of frustration, Aladdin turns away and scrubs at his hair. “I can never tell when you’re lying. It drives me insane. I’m a good liar, and I know a good lie when I hear it. But you . . . you’re maddening!”
I smile a little, unhumorously, thinking how I could say much the same of him.
He continues, “Over and over I’ve imagined the day Caspida and I marry. I’ve envisioned sending Darian off to the ends of the earth and sentencing Sulifer to a life of scrubbing floors, finally avenging my parents. I’ve imagined these things all my life, but they no longer bring me the pleasure they once did.”
He slips around the pillar, coming to stand behind me, and the pleading note in his voice cuts through all my defenses, leaving me breathless.
“The things that were once sweet to me are now bitter. The sun is not half so bright. The stars seem dimmer. All this wealth and luxury feels meaningless. All the world is in your shadow, Zahra. I cannot help but see you when I close my eyes.”
His fingers brush tentatively through my hair. I stiffen, and his hand withdraws.
He moves in front of me, his eyes wild. “I know so little about you, and it eats at me night and day. Who are you? Why do you infect my mind?”
“Aladdin, stop. Please.” My voice shaking, I finally jolt into motion, stepping forward and holding up my hands. “Don’t do this. Not now.” Not when I’m so close to my freedom. I came here ready to part with him forever, but he played his opening move first, and now I find myself on the defensive, parrying and blocking the assault of his words. But too many blows strike home.
I’ve always been able to sense my masters, but with Aladdin it’s different. When I close my eyes, he’s there, grinning, laughing, daring me with those copper-brown eyes.
For the first time I think about what comes after I win my freedom. For so long that’s been my single goal, but what happens next? Do I return to Ambadya, where they hate me? Do I stay in the human world, where they would destroy me if they knew what I was? I have nowhere to go to and no one to spend my freedom with, and for the first time I begin to wonder if that’s really freedom at all, or if I’m exchanging one prison for another.