Her eyes had a glassy sheen when she looked back at him and he saw the tears hovering on her lashes. But her chin was up, and she didn’t give him the chance to reach out to her.
“It is what it is,” she said.
“Doesn’t make it fair,” he answered.
The brittle smile flashed again. “Fair? What do you know of fair? I was the lucky one. I got dropped off. Amy’s life was hell with our junkie mother.”
“Your mother left you? Where?”
Lilly cleared her throat, moved to the sitting room and picked up the water glasses from the coffee table like it was the most important task in the world.
“Fire station.” She took the glasses to the kitchen and put them in the sink, then went for the breakfast dishes. “I was adopted in a few months. Like I said, I was the lucky one.”
He leaned against the counter beside her. “But?”
She ignored him as she filled the sink with soap and water. Alex took her hand and pulled her around to face him.
“But?”
She glared at the buttons on his shirt and he thought maybe she’d continue to ignore him. Then she hung her head in defeat. “But my adopted parents died, too. And I was all alone. Again.”
Her voice grew very soft. She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Back to making herself look big to her enemy. Only in this case, she was her own enemy. She didn’t look at him, so Alex tilted her face up until she had no choice but to meet his eyes. He didn’t speak, but he waited until she did.
Lilly sighed. “Then Amy found me and we had two months together before cancer took her, too.”
Her voice cracked and the tears she’d tried to hold back welled and spilled. Angrily, she wiped them away.
“And then…” she said, waving a hand between them.
She seemed to expect him to fill in the blanks, but he didn’t know what came after and then…. Nor did he understand the hurt and disappointment in her eyes when she realized it.
“Forget it,” she muttered.
“No,” he said, trying to figure her out. “And then…what?”
She jerked away from him and plunged her hands into the soapy dishwater. But Alex didn’t let her get away with it. He followed, crowding her against the sink, bracketing her with his arms on either side.
“And then, what?” he said in her ear.
“And then you, Alex,” she answered stiffly, not turning around. “You crashed into my life and made me see…” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “You made me see how long I’ve been waiting for someone like you. And now you’re here and you’re just going to leave…”
The hollow silence that followed felt so big that Alex thought it might swallow him whole. How did he fill it? What did he fill it with?
He turned Lilly around and dried her hands with a dishtowel.
“I can’t change what I am, Lilly,” he said softly.
“You don’t know even know what you are,” she shot back. “You said it yourself. You think you’re a reflection. I think you’re a man. You came to kill the hellhounds. After this storm passes, you’ll go out and try again. You’ll either succeed and go home or you’ll die and go on to the afterlife. No room for me in either scenario.”
She hadn’t meant to say the last. The resentful glitter in her eyes told him that. She didn’t try to hide it from him, though. She stared him down, wanting him to deny the truth she’d spoken. He could feel how badly she wanted it. But he couldn’t lie to her.
“I don’t have a choice,” he answered, frustrated with her refusal to see that. “I can’t leave them here, Lilly. They’re killers. You saw what they did to Caleb.”
“Okay. I get that. But after? Why do you have to leave? Why do you want to go back to something that isn’t real? Or something that’s after life. Why not stay here in this life?”
With me. She didn’t have to say it.
Lilly took his hand between hers. “I’m real, Alex. This thing between us, it’s real. I know it happened all at once. I don’t know where it will lead. What it will make us. In two weeks, we might hate each other. But I want the chance to find out. I want you to want the chance, too.”
Inside him, something caved in, leaving a void her words filled.
He wanted that, too.
“I’m not afraid of being alone,” Lilly said, staring at him with shining eyes. “I’ve learned to take care of myself. I’ve learned to move on. But I’ve also learned how short life can be. I don’t like regrets. I don’t want you to be one of mine.”
With that said, Lilly left him standing there alone. Everything she’d told him resonated deep inside him. She was right. If he left, he’d regret it. But if he stayed, he might bring evil to her front door and he would regret that even more.