The Fixed Trilogy(Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You)(322)

“You don’t believe that.”

I made a disapproving sound in the back of my throat. “It’s hard to believe anything after being so totally lied to.”

“For the record,” he bent to catch my eyes with his, “I didn’t lie to you about us. Everything I ever said and did with you was honest.”

“The whole circumstance of our pretend to be my girlfriend sham was a lie.”

“Yes, but that’s all. Every touch, every kiss, every moment between you and me, precious…none of that was pretend. I didn’t want to pretend with you. I wanted every experience with you, every moment to be completely genuine. You’re the first person I have ever let in, the first person who’s ever seen the real me through all the bullshit.” His voice narrowed to a point. “You’re the first person I’ve ever loved, Alayna. And I know you’ll be the last.”

His words hurt. They were everything I’d ever wanted to hear from him and more. But what was the saying? Fool me twice, shame on me.

“I don’t know.” I pressed my fingertips to my forehead. “I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know how I can ever believe that you really feel the way you say you do.”

He took another step toward me. “I’m sure that’s true. But I thought of a way to prove that I’m devoted to you.” Another step, and we were now only a handful of feet apart. “Alayna, marry me.”

My gaze flipped up. “What?”

“Marry me. Right now. My plane’s already ready and waiting on the tarmac. All you have to do is say yes and we’re on our way to Vegas.”

“What?” I was in too much shock to say anything else.

“I know you deserve a long engagement and a proper wedding—and we can do that again, whenever you want—but I know right now you need reassurance.”

His hands were all over the place as he talked, totally out of character. Was he high? Nervous? Insane?

“You need confirmation that I am committed to you, Alayna, and there’s no better way I can think of showing you that than to marry you. To declare in a written contract that I’m yours and that I promise to love you forever.”

I settled on insane. “Hudson, you’re crazy.”

“And no prenup either.” He wiped his palms on his jeans. Was he sweating? I sure was. “I’m ready to give you everything I have, to make myself vulnerable, just like you made yourself to me time after time.”

“No prenup? Now I definitely know you’re crazy.” And I was crazy for simply continuing the conversation.

“I am crazy. Crazy without you in my life.” He pushed his hands through his hair. “You’re the only one who’s ever made me better. And you have me by the balls now, Alayna, in so many ways. Because if you say no, if you turn me away, then I’ve lost everything that means anything in my pathetic excuse for a life. But if you say yes, I have to be the one to trust you—you could scam me if you wanted to. You could simply marry me now, divorce me later and half of all I have would be yours.”

As if his money meant anything to me. “I have no interest in your—”

He cut me off. “I know. I know that you would never take advantage of me like that. But the point is you could.” He paced the small room. “This is the only way I can think of to show you that I’m willing to be vulnerable to you. That I trust you.” He turned to face me again. “And that, even though I don’t deserve it, I’m determined to fight to earn back your trust. Even if it takes the rest of my life.”

I was in shock. So many thoughts and emotions swarmed over me that I had no idea what to feel or think. Out of the plethora of reactions brimming to escape, I picked one at random. “Some romantic proposal—marry me so that I can prove you can trust me.”

“No, Alayna,” his voice deepened. “Marry me because I love you. More than life itself.” He squared himself to me. “Marry me today, so I can prove I mean it.”

“Hudson, this is insane.” He didn’t even have a ring. “You destroyed everything we had together. You can’t just fix it by asking me to marry you out of the blue.”

“Why not?” He was desperate, both his tone and his body language gave him away. “Why not?” He shook his hands in front of him for emphasis. “We belong together. For all the wrongs we’ve done—I’ve done—you can’t deny that we make each other better.” He shifted his weight to one hip. “You admit you love me. And I love you. What’s keeping us apart? The fact that we hurt each other? Can you honestly say that you feel less hurt without me around? You came by the loft, Alayna. I know you’re still thinking about me.” He put his hands together, steepling his index fingers. “The only logical reason you can give for not being with me is that you don’t trust that I’m really in it for love. Marry me and you’ll have no doubt.”