The Fixed Trilogy(Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You)(304)

Gently—reluctantly—I pushed my way out of his arms. “But here’s the thing—I sort of wish it were true.”

He raised a questioning brow.

“Not that you were sleeping with her while we were together—not that part. But the rest of it—that you were really with her when Stacy saw you. If that was the truth, I could accept it. Don’t get me wrong—the idea of you with her, fucking her—it torments me. It really does.” Like, actually produced bile in my mouth. “But I think I always knew you were never with her. It’s in your eyes—both now and in that video.”

Hudson’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I wasn’t. I was never with her.”

I continued to stare at his neck. It was easier than looking at his eyes where dark storms were beginning to gather. “And that means that the thing with Stacy was a scam. Of course it was. I wanted to think it was just Celia in on it, and you were protecting her. But you said you weren’t and you did go along enough to stage that kiss. You were part of it.”

I paused, letting what I’d said sink into my consciousness, tasting the truth of the words that still lingered in my mouth. “I thought for a minute that might be your secret. Except it’s not it. I mean, yeah, that’s shitty that you did that to her, but I knew you had those things in your past. And you knew that I knew those things. If that were all there was to learn from that video, you would have told me. There had to be more you were hiding.”

Finally, with great effort, I raised my eyes to his. “It’s because of what night it was, the night of the symposium, isn’t it? I considered that you didn’t want me to know that you were still manipulating people for fun that recently, but now I don’t think that’s all of it either.”

“Alayna…” Even though only a whisper, there was weight to his single word. It was cautionary, it was pleading. It said, don’t go here, even though we were always headed there, from the second he first laid eyes on me. It was fated that we’d arrive at this moment, and whether we wanted to face it or not, here it was.

“It’s not the video itself. It’s what happened after.” I spoke as if I was just figuring it out, but really, it had always been there, buried in my subconscious where I didn’t have to deal with it. I knew. I’d always known what I was only now able to admit.

Hudson repeated my name, calling for my attention, but I was no longer focused on him.

“If Celia was there with you outside the symposium…then doesn’t it make sense that she went in with you? And if she went in with you, she was there when you first saw me. And if you were still playing people together…”

My skin broke out in goose bumps as a chill ran down my spine and a wave of nausea wracked through my body. A ringing began in my ears, and somewhere behind that I could hear Hudson still speaking.

“I was going to tell you,” he seemed to be saying. “I came back to tell you.”

I searched his face, barely registering his fragmented explanation as the truth settled over me.

“It’s my worst mistake, Alayna.” He stepped toward me, his face twisted in anguish, his voice desperate. “The most horrible of all the things I’ve done. My biggest regret, although it’s what gave me you and for that I’m forever grateful. But I never knew what I’d feel for you. I never knew that I could hurt you that much, and that I would care that I did. Please, Alayna, you have to understand.”

I was beginning to understand. With shocking clarity. “That’s what I was, wasn’t I?” I wasn’t really asking anyone. “A game. Your game. Together.” My legs went weak and I fell to the floor. “Oh god. Oh god, oh god.”

“Alayna—” Hudson fell to his knees and reached for me.

I scrambled away, my entire body shaking. “Don’t touch me!” I screamed. I couldn’t tell if he’d stopped moving toward me or not—my vision was blinded with fury and pain. My stomach twisted as though I might vomit and my head—my head couldn’t process, couldn’t think.

It didn’t help that Hudson refused to let me have a minute to hear my own thoughts. “It wasn’t what you think, Alayna. Yes, it started as a game. As Celia’s game. But I only went along because it was you. Because I was so enamored with you.”

I stared at him, blinking until my vision cleared. Then it was as if I were seeing him for the first time. I’d known this was his M.O. How could I have ignored that this exact situation was a possibility? Our beginning had been strange and unusual. He’d bought the club. Then he’d hired me to break up his engagement—an engagement that wasn’t ever a real thing. Why had I not questioned the bizarreness of it before?