“Maybe,” sex addict said.
“Not necessarily.” Lauren tapped her index fingers together. “They are normal emotions. But if they are impacting your daily life and relationships, then you need to deal with them.”
“They aren’t…yet. But only because I’m fighting them.” At least I was trying. “The paranoia is the worst and it’s unfounded. I’m suspicious of a woman my boyfriend works with. And I have no reason to be. Fortunately, he likes it when I’m jealous.” I delivered the last part for the sex addict who winked in appreciation.
“Do you think you’d like to try medication?” Lauren preferred to stay away from drugs, but she always offered it as a solution.
I’d hated the numb zombie I’d become on the anti-anxiety pills I’d taken in the past. “No. No meds. I’d rather handle this on my own.”
“Well, you know the drill.”
“Yes. I do. Substitute behaviors.” Though two of my go-to substitutes were running and reading—both had been compromised by Celia.
Lauren pointed a stern finger at me. “And communication. Make sure you talk through all the feelings you’re having, no matter how unreasonable.”
I tried not to roll my eyes. “That’s why I’m here.”
She smiled in a way that made me think she understood I’d felt patronized. “Being here is a great step, Laynie. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s not just us you need to talk to. Make sure you’re communicating with your boyfriend too.”
Communicating with Hudson…
God, I was trying. We were both trying. But if I really went there, really told him all the paranoia that lived inside, about the knot of dread that permanently occupied my belly—would he still be interested?
As she often did, Lauren addressed my unspoken concerns. “I know, it’s scary. You’re afraid other people can’t deal with your thoughts and your feelings. And I can’t promise that they can. But this is who you are. It’s not going away. If you can’t share who you are with the people who love you, then maybe they don’t really love you.”
That was the biggest question of all, wasn’t it? Did Hudson truly love me? He’d shown me that he did, but he’d still never really said it. And I’d never really asked. Maybe there were still things left to be said—by both of us.
Gwen showed up to The Sky Launch fifteen minutes early, which would have been impressive if I wasn’t running in just she arrived. And because of everything else on my mind, I felt off my game. Fortunately David was there with me to help fill in the gaps as we walked through the club and talked about what role Gwen might fill.
It turned out Gwen Anders knew her stuff. At every turn she had appropriate questions and innovative ideas. She was no-nonsense, enthusiastic, and forward-thinking. Though most everything she said was right on, I inexplicably bristled a few times at her suggestions. Maybe because she was tough. Maybe because she challenged me. Maybe because I was on edge in general.
After the tour, Gwen helped us open for the night. Then we moved back to David’s office to wrap things up. More accurately, my office, since David was leaving. Maybe our office if I decided Gwen would be the one to help me with The Sky Launch.
“So,” Gwen began, “right now the club is open from nine p.m. to four a.m., Tuesday through Saturday?” Gwen and I were settled on the couch. David had pulled the desk chair around to make an easy conversational area.
“Right,” David confirmed.
“But we’re moving to expand the hours and be open seven days a week.” That had been one of my goals since I’d gotten my promotion to assistant manager.
Gwen frowned. “That doesn’t seem the best idea right now. Eventually perhaps. But right now you aren’t filled to capacity when you are open.”
I tried to hide my scowl. It was refreshing that she was so direct, but attacking one of my ideas so blatantly didn’t sit well.
Apparently not noticing my reaction, Gwen went on. “Why would you extend your hours? First step is to bring more people in, fill the club, then expand.”
David looked hesitantly to me. “There’s actually some good reasoning in that, Laynie.”
There was good reasoning. Still, did I want to work with someone who was always so forthright?
I wasn’t sure.
“Expansion was your idea, wasn’t it?” Gwen finally caught on. She shrugged. “I stand by my opinion.”
She was good. Real good. “Gwen, I have a feeling we’re either going to be very close friends or bitter enemies.”
“Do you want this job, Gwen? Because I’d suggest the close friends angle and then you’re a shoe-in.” It was sort of cute how David tried to smooth the tension over. He’d never been one to like conflict. He was more of a people-pleaser.