The Fixed Trilogy(Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You)(172)

“Then why?” His eyes were pleading. “You can’t have been that desperate to sign a deal. I had thought—I’d hoped—that you didn’t realize that Kresh was engaged to Julie Swaggert—”

“Engaged? I thought they were just dating.”

The look on his face said that wasn’t the thing to say.

I quickly corrected. “Which doesn’t matter, I know. I didn’t mean to seem interested, because I’m not. I’m not, Hudson. I don’t care what or whom he’s with. It’s only that he didn’t say they were engaged when we talked.”

“You talked to him?”

I hadn’t thought he could be more enraged. Turned out I was wrong.

“So help me god, Alayna, you better say it was on the phone.”

Lie, lie, lie. It was a song in my head, repeating the same refrain. I willed myself to ignore it. “It wasn’t. It was in person.”

He stepped toward me, his hands poised like he wanted to wring my neck. “Dammit, Alayna! What the fuck were you thinking?”

“Stop yelling at me and I’ll explain.” Even though I knew he wouldn’t hit me, his rage wasn’t productive. And as mad as he was, I was afraid he wouldn’t get past his anger. That he’d end things for sure. I needed a hint that there was a chance we weren’t over.

“I’m waiting.” His volume was lower, but his demeanor hadn’t changed in the least.

“I’m not saying anything until you calm down. You’re scaring me.”

He looked as though I’d slapped him. “That’s fair.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But this is as calm as I’m going to get.”

I swallowed. “I, um, had the meeting with Julia. On Thursday. And I didn’t know she was involved with Paul. But then at the end he showed up and I was totally unprepared.” A chill ran through me at the memory of seeing him in the club, at the shock I’d felt. “He acted like he didn’t know me so I followed his lead. And then when Julia went off to the bathroom, Paul told me he didn’t want to ruin the deal for her and so we had to pretend we’d never met.”

I stepped toward Hudson, hating the look on his face, wanting him to be comforted. “I told him I couldn’t work with him, Hudson, and he said I had to. He said Julia was dying to work with Pierce Industries and this was her in and if I screwed it up…” I bit my lip and tasted blood. “He said I owed him.”

“Alayna, you don’t fucking owe him anything.” His voice was still harsh, but less so.

My eyes stung. “I do! I ruined his life.”

“He cheated on his fiancée. He ruined his own life.”

“But there’s more to it than that, and you know it.”

“You still don’t owe him shit. You were sick. You weren’t responsible for what you were doing.”

I took that in. I had been sick. I hadn’t been in control of my actions. I knew this. I’d accepted this in therapy.

But that didn’t change anything. “It doesn’t matter. Even if I don’t owe him, he has this over my head. He could say that I set up the meeting simply to get to him. I mean, I didn’t, but it could look that way.” I chuckled harshly. “Even you thought that I did. And then he was there again that night at the Botanic Gardens. It looks like I could have been following him. Who’s going to believe me over him?”

I’d been avoiding his eyes, but I met them now. “If I violate that order again, I could see jail time.” Not to mention what could happen to Hudson in the media. He’d be the joke of the town.

“Alayna.” He closed the short distance between us in two quick steps and wrapped his arms around me.

I hadn’t realized how close my tears were to the surface until I was safe and in his arms. I cried softly into his shoulder, not only because of what I’d done or because of the pressure I’d been under keeping it in, but because he was holding me. They were tears of relief.

Hudson pulled me in even tighter. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would never let anything bad happen to you. Never. You have to know that, don’t you?”

I turned my face so my words wouldn’t get lost in the material of his suit jacket. “I got scared. Of what he could do to me. Of what he could do to you.” The long strokes he ran along my back made it easy to keep talking, easy to confess. “And I wanted you to be proud of me. Of the deal I made.”

He pushed me away suddenly and gripped my upper arms. Bending to catch my gaze, he said, “I’m always proud of you, Alayna. Always.”

It broke me. Again.