I wanted to keep today focused on one thing. Give Tana what she wanted, hell, what she'd asked me to do for her, and let that be the end of it. But the churning in my stomach told me this was the beginning of something that could kick my ass if I wasn't very careful.
Chapter Nine
TANA
The house looked exactly like what I remembered when I'd visited before with Shelby. Built atop a hill, it had a long driveway directly in front of the house that curved to end in front of a three car garage. There were flowers along either side of the brick walkway leading toward the porch. I'd helped Shelby plant some of them.
Ryan shut off the car and the sound of birds chirping in the nearby trees filled the silence between us. When the silence became almost unbearable, I tried to think of something to say. But what would I say? There were no conversation etiquette books for losing your virginity. I reached through the space between the two seats for the bag in the back and hauled it up front, clutching it to me like a shield.
Without a word, Ryan got out and waited for me outside the car, smiling when he caught me biting my lip. He knew me well enough to know it was a habit I had when I was procrastinating over something I didn't want to say or do. I didn't want him to think I was stalling even though I was. Not because I didn't want this, because I wanted it so much it'd kept me awake last night. I was stalling because the unknown was kind of scary.
I walked past him and put the key in the lock. Ryan's breath was right on my neck and I had to concentrate to turn the key to get the door open. I shook off the brain fog as we stepped into the foyer. Off to the left, a wide staircase covered in tan carpet led up to the master bedroom. The upstairs had a walkway that circled the living room so you could see down on it. The north wall of the living room was made entirely of windows that didn't have any curtains. But since they overlooked the back of the two acre property, privacy wasn't an issue. A long, curved black leather sofa faced part of the window. The other part of it faced a big screen television. On the opposite side of the television, was the fireplace where Shelby and I had made S'mores.
Realizing Ryan hadn't said a word since our arrival, I turned to face him and set my bag down at my feet. "Say something," I pleaded, biting my lip this time to stop the shaking.
"It's a beautiful place."
"That's it?" I'd expected something more along the lines of us getting started and I told him as much.
He raised his eyebrows. "We have all night. There's no rush."
Images danced around in my mind. "Will it take all night?"
He gave me his look that meant he knew how to handle the situation. "If you do it right," he said softly.
God, it was hot in here. Plucking at my shirt, I fanned the material up and down. "Shelby said the kitchen was stocked. Are you hungry?" I cringed inwardly at the high pitched sound of my voice babbling like an idiot.
"Yeah. I am." He dropped his bag. "Come here." He put his hands on my waist and leading the way to the sofa, he gently tipped me so I landed on the soft cushions.
"First, you get comfortable. You're wound too tight." He moved over me and wedged his body beside me at the front of the cushion so I was pushed against the back of the sofa. The feeling was a paradox. Behind me softness hugged my ass, curving and conforming to me. In front of me, the solidness of Ryan's body, every bit of it rock hard, pushed against my breasts, against my pelvic area with uncompromising hardness. The contact was frenzying.
"I can't relax like this," I said, almost panting, trying to calm my breathing before I hyperventilated and passed out. That would be so embarrassing.
"Too bad you can't relax. This feels really good to me."
He lifted the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair. Tugging lightly, he exposed the length of my neck and chased kisses from beneath my chin to my collarbone. The trail he left behind electrified my skin.
"It's h-hard to relax when..." I reached for the bottom of his T-shirt and started working it upward. I didn't even clear his taut abdomen before he stopped me.
Then with one swift motion, he slid a hand under me and shifted our position until I was lying beneath him with the full weight of his body on top. The hardness of his thighs pinned me down with a heaviness that made me feel wet and miles past ready for him. He covered my mouth with his and kissed me hard followed by sweet and tender tugs at my lips and I could not get close enough. I craved him with an intensity that made me feel like I would starve to death if I didn't have him. The strength of my feelings scared me. This was supposed to be about losing my virginity, moving on with my life and nothing more. I was not supposed to lose myself in him.
He skimmed his lips across my T-shirt, stopping to kiss my breast through the fabric. My nipples hardened under his caress and he found them, gently biting down. I could hardly believe that deep moan came from me.
His hands gripped my ass to angle my pelvis and he pushed into the vee of my thighs until his erection pressed against me. Then he eased back only to press forward again in a sweet torture. I wanted to feel him, all of him, and I wanted it now. "Ryan..." I wiggled against him. "Please. I can't take this. My blood is on fire."
He smiled as if knew something I didn't and rolled off of me. Standing, he held his hand out for mine.
"That's it?" I grumbled, tugging on my clothes to straighten them while I tried to think clearly but it was nearly impossible with the heated desire surging through me.
"I don't want to do this on the sofa. There's not enough room to move around. We can go upstairs to the bedroom or we can wait until tonight."
The wait would kill me. I would be a bundle of nerves and lust by then. I licked my lips and tasted his kisses still there. "I want to go upstairs."
RYAN
In the bedroom, I could tell even though she was pretty hot for me, Tana was still nervous. I didn't know if it was because she was afraid of what was coming or if it was because I was the one she was with. I should push her away and tell her she needed to be with the kind of guy who could promise her a life instead of one who couldn't even promise her tomorrow. But then she whispered my name with a mountain of hope and longing attached to it and no way in hell could I walk away. I wasn't that strong.
On one side of the room, a chair with funny looking flowers on the fabric was pushed under a table that had all sorts of brushes, perfume bottles and makeup on it. I pulled out the chair and took a seat, then looked at Tana.
"Sit here." I patted my lap.
She moved slowly toward me and after a brief hesitation and a glance at the erection trying to poke itself through my pants, she straddled me. The movement hitched her skirt up just enough to get comfortable, but not enough to for me to see her panties. Having her on me felt so damn good. I reached up behind her and unfastened her bra and she swallowed, closing her eyes with a soft little gasp I would have missed hearing had I not been paying close attention.
Grasping her shirt by the hem, I pulled it over her head, tossing it toward the table. Her pink bra was sexy and tantalizing, hiding from me what I couldn't wait another second to feast my eyes on. I tugged the straps of the bra slowly down the length of her arms, kissing the mounds of flesh as it slipped off. I aimed it in the general direction I'd thrown her shirt. Her breasts bounced lightly when I moved and the beauty and perfection in her nakedness left me speechless. I'd never seen a girl as perfect as Tana.
I raised my hands slowly and cupped them, lifting them up to meet my lips. After I pressed kisses and lightly suckled on the tender flesh, she moaned and her eyes shot open. I stroked my thumbs across the nipples and she brought her hands up in an attempt to cover herself. "My breasts are too big. I always carried an extra few pounds and-"
"Stop." I moved her hands away. My heart lurched. "Tana, look at me."
She pulled her gaze from the floor to meet mine.
"Don't put yourself down. Not with me. You are beautiful and amazing and I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world right now. But if you want me to stop, all you have to do is tell me. I'm not the kind of guy that pushes a girl to do what she's not ready for. I don't take what's not willingly given physically or emotionally, okay?"
Her eyes welled with tears. "You really think I'm beautiful? I've never seen myself that way."
"Because you don't look at you the way that I do."
She smiled her beautiful smile then whispered so softly I almost couldn't hear her, "Please don't stop."
I moved slowly, each movement careful. I didn't want to rush things. It might sound arrogant but I'd known how to play a girl's body since I was fourteen years old. I knew the mechanics of how to drive them crazy up against a wall, on a bed, on the floor or outside in the middle of a snowstorm. But what I didn't know, what I was learning with Tana was that there was more than mechanics involved and it was more important for me right now to give her what her body needed than it was for me to answer the call my erection demanded I answer.