Henry sat in the pew next to her, dressed outlandishly in groom’s clothes, dirt under his fingernails. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, sire.”
“You looked as if you were praying very hard for something,” he said.
“Only to return to how I was. It sore eludes me at the moment. Try as I might, my mind cannot retrieve the words of holiness.” She drew in an unsteady breath. “But with God’s grace, they will return in time.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“No one, sire.”
“I asked what, not whom.” Henry leaned in closer. “I’m your father as well as your king. Tell me the truth.”
Theodosia flushed. “Benedict. Sir Palmer.”
“What has Sir Palmer done to erase the mind of a nun?”
“Many things. But, worse, I’ve done them too. I’ve become something I’m not.”
“So he turned you from an anchoress into a…?”
“Someone who rides, who fights, who murders, who…who…uses her body.”
To her horror, Henry threw his head back and roared with laughter.
“Sire, please, we’re in a chapel.”
He snorted. “God doesn’t mind if we laugh aloud. He created us in His own image, remember.”
“Exactly. Chaste, pure, contained, selfless. All the things I was before I met him.”
“Oh, my dear girl. God is so much more than that.” Henry put his powerful hand over hers. “Palmer hasn’t changed you. He’s allowed you to be yourself, allowed you to be like your father, as well as your mother. Yes, you’ve had to do some hard, hard things. But so have I. And sometimes we have to ask God for forgiveness for what we’ve done. The glorious thing is, He grants it. It’s what He died for.”
“I have to stay with what I was brought up to do.” She dared to meet his eye. “What you and Mama decided for me.”
“And what would you decide?”
“I already have.”
“Which is?”
“To hold Sir Palmer in my heart. Forever.”
A distant bell rang, announcing the call to the office of Prime. Then the words came flooding back, crystal as if she read them from her Psalter. “Quicumque vult salvus esse.” (Whosoever shall be saved.)
Henry sat in silence as she whispered her way through the prayer, joining with her “amen.”
She turned to Henry with a long, soft sigh. “God has comforted me. I pray He forgives my failure too, so I can follow my vocation away from the world.”
“You haven’t failed.” He squeezed her hand. “You have yet to take your final vows as an anchoress. Isn’t that correct?”
“It is.”
“But one of the tests for an anchoress is to come back out into the world for her final year. To see if she is truly, truly confirmed in her vocation.”
She nodded, mouth dry. The test she’d always dreaded, that would keep her locked out of her cell forever if she failed. Now her dread was still the locked cell door, but for it to keep her in.
“Think, Theodosia. Through his terrible death, our beloved Thomas brought you out, gave you your test. Maybe not in the usual way, but by his soul, you’ve been tested. You haven’t failed, my dear girl. Just been shown your true path.”
Her heart tripped faster as a tiny, miraculous hope took hold.
Henry smiled sadly. “I didn’t follow mine, and my wrong choice has brought nothing but misery. I can’t stand aside and let you do the same. I’m your father; go with my blessing.”
She gasped. “Oh, sire.” King or no king, she didn’t care. She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Thank you, dearest Father. With all my heart.”
He returned the hug, then reached deep into the pocket of his apron. He handed her a small leather bag, weighted with coins. “This should be enough to get you both started with a few virgates. The rest is up to you.”
Theodosia clutched the bag, hardly able to speak. “Thank you once more.” She looked at Henry. “But why would you do all this for Benedict and me?”
“Because you fought for my crown, for the truth. Even when you thought there was no reward. That is true bravery, true loyalty. Something I value beyond measure.”
“I would fight for you again. As would Benedict. In a heartbeat.”
Henry smiled and patted her cheek. “I know you would. God willing, you will never have to.”
“Then you’ve just granted me Paradise.”
Henry got his feet, as did Theodosia. “Remember that when there are mice in your barn, when your cow stands on your toes, when you’re birthing lambs in the middle of the night.” He smiled. “When you’re holding your babies in your arms.” He patted her cheek again. “You’re right, it is Paradise. Let’s make all haste and get you a mount.”