“He has shown me the truth.” She strained to break his hold again. “It is your soul that is filled with poison, Sir Palmer. I will pray for it, pray that you can be saved. I shall do that to add to my penance.”
“I don’t want to be saved. I want you to have the life you deserve.”
“It is the life of a servant of God, Sir Palmer.” Her brow creased in anguish. “Now, I beg you, let me go. Every moment you have your hands on me is another sin for me to repent.”
“There’s no sin in my touch.” He held her tighter, shook her to hammer home his words. “Why can’t you listen to me?”
“Benedict, you’re hurting me!”
He froze, breathing hard, her cry pulling him back to sense.
“Let me go, Sir Palmer.” The extra meaning her words carried was plain as day.
Palmer dropped his hold. Sadness and loss waged war with the anger inside him. “I’ll go to my grave swearing you’re making the wrong decision. You can repent without burying yourself away in the church for the rest of your life. And it plagues me to think that I’m part of the reason you would want to do that.” He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out the little cross. “I know it’s a poor swap for the cross I took from you — it was all I could manage. But I give it to you as I gave you my heart: with every good wish, and never to cause you ill, never to be the mark of sin on your soul.”
“Then Sir Palmer, I thank you for your gracious gesture.” She reached to take it in a quick movement, hand curled over what she already held.
“What’s that in your hands?” he said.
“It is nothing.” She went bright pink and shoved the cross into her pocket.
He grabbed her other fist and pried it open, ignoring her protests. Clumps of her soft, beautiful hair lay on her open palm.
“What have you done?” He looked at her aghast.
“I said, it is nothing.”
“Stop lying, Theodosia. And if you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll rip that cursed wimple right off your head, so I can see for myself.”
Her hands shot to protect her headdress, and her shorn hair scattered. “Brother Edward did it. It is part of my penance. To remind me of my broken vows.”
Rage surged in Palmer’s chest. “I’ll kill him.”
“You cannot say anything. I should not even be talking to you anymore.”
“You said part of your penance. What else?”
“That is between me and my confessor.” She bent to the floor once more to pick up her fallen hair.
As she did so, her woolen dress slipped to one side on her right shoulder to reveal soft white skin reddened by the coarse material. The sight hit Palmer like a punch to his guts. “He’s got you to mortify your flesh, hasn’t he?”
“It is what I deserve.” She stood up once more and readjusted her dress without meeting his eye.
“No, it isn’t. The man’s a bully. This isn’t penance. This is an abomination. It has to stop. At once.”
“No, Sir Palmer.”
Her firm tone took him aback.
“My body, while shared with you for one time of madness, is mine and God’s. What I do with it is between me and Him. None of it is your concern. Do I make myself clear?”
“You do. But I refuse to accept it.”
Heavy footsteps sounded from the stairwell, and Edward’s voice floated up. “Are you ready, Sister?”
Dread showed in her face. “Please do not make it worse. Please.”
He couldn’t do it. He turned to address Edward as the monk appeared in the doorway.
Edward’s glance flew from one to the other. “Sister, I can’t believe you consort with this man — ”
“Leave her alone, Edward. I came back to meet you here and found you gone. The sister here only told me you’d walked with Sister Amélie to the boat. Nothing untoward has taken place.” Except what you’ve done to my Theodosia, you filthy devil. If it wouldn’t have made things worse for her, he’d have punched Edward’s lights out there and then.
“I’m very relieved to hear it,” said Edward. “Now, make haste in gathering your things. We need to leave.”
“Yes, Brother.” Theodosia kept her head bowed, meek.
Palmer straightened and challenged the monk with his gaze. “I have no need to gather anything. All I have are the clothes that I stand up in. Which I will pay you back for,” he added, before Edward could respond.
“Then God be praised for traveling light,” said Theodosia.
Edward’s attention switched to her. “Indeed. If we’re ready, let’s set our faces for France.”