Rafe was still there, just as I knew he would be. He sat up as I slowed to a stop next to the Jeep. I couldn’t see his eyes because of his sunglasses. What was he thinking? I really wished I knew.
Neither of us said anything for a minute.
Then he cleared his throat. “So, audition?”
My heart was pounding, and I fisted my hands in my lace gloves. “Why would I want to go to the audition?”
“Because piano’s fun.”
“So?” I was tempted, so tempted, but I was afraid, too. Afraid that the outfit and the hair wouldn’t be enough to keep me from falling into the hell that had tried to consume me before.
“So you can go and play something you like,” Rafe said. “Not something classical. Make it fun.”
I pressed my lips together, knowing a part of me agreed with him. Piano had been different for me since I’d met Rafe. Fun.
“You’re brilliant on the piano. You deserve this break.”
I felt a bubble of warmth in my chest. “Brilliant, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” I dragged my toe through the dirt. I really did want to go. On my terms. With Rafe, but without my parents, Crusty or anyone else knowing. Just us. Having fun.
“Lily?”
But could I handle going to the audition with Rafe? Knowing we were just friends and that’s all it would ever be?
But, then again, he was here, even knowing that I’d lied. He didn’t hate me, so why should I hate him? Why should I feel stupid around him?
I took a deep breath and hopped into the Jeep. “We’ll go check it out. I’m not saying I’m going to play or anything.”
He grinned and started the engine. “Agreed.”
Then he turned on the radio, pulled away from the curb, and started to sing along to JamieX.
I grinned and joined right in.
We sounded horrific together, and it was awesome.
* * *
Ninety minutes later, I was sitting next to Rafe in the back of the auditorium at NESM, listening to each music prodigy play. The room was awe-inspiring, with a tremendous cathedral ceiling with beautiful engravings across the entire expanse of it. Deep maroon velvet seats matched the majestic curtains on the stage, and the way the sound carried was so full and rich that I was instantly mesmerized.
It was a place weighted with a century of tradition, of the study of music at a depth I’d never manage. It was a place for corduroy dresses and velvet bows, for artists who knew how to honor the greatest composers in history. It was so beyond me, and what I was. No wonder Crusty had worked me over so much for this audition. Mediocrity was an insult to this place, and I knew I’d never measure up.
And the other people auditioning… God. They were incredible. I’d never heard so many talented people, and I knew I didn’t belong. But I wanted to belong. I hadn’t expected to want to, but I did. So much. I burned with the desire to go up there and make this place mine.
But I was terrified to go up there and pretend I was worthy of this place. All I could think of was sitting down at the piano and freezing up like I’d done the first day I’d practiced with the band and hadn’t been able to tap out even the most basic notes. Just the thought of walking onto that stage made my entire body stiffen and my heart start to race. I didn’t want to go up there and play the way I played for Crusty, dry and passionless. Now that I knew what I could do, that kind of performance wouldn’t be enough, not for because I wanted to impress Crusty, but because I wanted to do it for myself.
Rafe leaned over, his breath warm against my ear. “You’re better than they are.”
I shook my head, gripping my fingers in my lap.
He tugged on my hair playfully. “How can you deny it? You belong up there.”
“Really?” I turned to face him, throwing a challenge at him. “I’m no better than you are. If I belong up there, why aren’t you up there?”
He looked startled by my comment. “Me?”
“Yeah.” I propped my elbow on the seat arm. “Why not you?”
He stared at me for a moment, then shook his head. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.”
I cocked my head, a sudden idea forming. “I’ll do it if you do it with me.” I couldn’t do it alone, but with Rafe, I knew I’d be able to play like I wanted to. I’d be able to lose myself in our music, instead of getting too panicked and uptight to play.
His eyebrows went up. “Seriously?”
“Sure, why not? We’ll do that song you wrote for the band.”
“That’s hard core rock.” His eyebrows went even higher. “You’re auditioning for their classical program, not their contemporary one.”