His green eyes flicked toward me. “I think it’s great that you’re doing your own thing. If you’re not ready, then it’s good not to do it.”
I frowned. “Really? You mean that?” I didn’t believe him. No one thought like that.
He met my gaze without flinching. “Sure.”
I realized he meant it. He really did think I should skip the audition if I didn’t want to go. Relief rushed through me, and I felt some of the tension ease from my body. It was okay. I was safe with him. He wasn’t going to push me. “Oh.” I flopped back down, no longer touching him. I mean, I wanted to, but I wasn’t exactly going to scoot across the grass so I could.
Instead, he shifted until his head was resting against mine. “You’re wrong, you know.”
Here it comes. I tensed up immediately, waiting for criticism. “For not doing the audition?”
“No, for thinking you don’t have passion. You do when you play the JamieX song.”
“Oh.” Okay, so yeah, he really didn’t care about the audition. I relaxed, and tried not to think about the fact that his head was touching mine. “But I can’t play with that kind of passion. When I try, it’s like I’ve maimed the piano and left it to die a slow, withering death in the desert.” Oh, wait. Maybe it was me dying the slow, withering death in the desert…
Rafe chuckled. “Don’t try. Just have fun.”
“Fun?” I frowned. “Music isn’t about fun.”
He immediately sat up and leaned over me. This time he was wicked close, so close I could smell his toothpaste. Mint. His smile had vanished, and his eyes were super intense. “What did you just say?”
Um, good question. I was having a little trouble thinking with his mouth so close to mine. What if Rafe was my first kiss? That would be so amazing.
“You really think music’s not about fun?” he prompted.
Oh, right. I had said something about that. “It’s work. It’s a career. It’s not fun.”
He shook his head and made a face. “You are so wrong, babe.”
Babe? I was his babe?
“You and me. Tuesday night. We have a date.”
I blinked as sudden excitement rippled through me. “A date?”
Discomfort flashed over his face. “Well, not a date, date.”
“Because you have a girlfriend.” Stupid girlfriend.
“And you have a boyfriend,” he shot back.
Oh…yeah…that was true. The words hung in the air, and for a moment, with him still staring down at me, I wanted to tell him the truth. To see if he’d care. To see if it would change anything.
But I said nothing. I simply couldn’t. What if I admitted I’d lied about having a boyfriend, but he still adored Paige? Then I would just seem pathetic. At least this way, I had pride. I was a liar, but not a loser, and I’d make that trade all day long.
Rafe rolled away from me and stood up, breaking the connection. “Come on, Lily. We have some songs to learn.”
“No, I can’t.” I folded my arms over my chest and settled more firmly into the grass. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m horrible and I’m going to mess it up for the rest of the band—”
“Give it up, Gardner.” Rafe grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Today, you’re going to worry only about learning the music for our gig at the middle school on Saturday. Forget about passion and all that other junk. Just learn the music, okay? You can do that, right?”
I nodded. “Well, yeah, but--”
Rafe put his hand over my mouth, and my knees nearly gave out. “Don’t say it, Lily. Learn the music. That’s all. Okay?”
If I didn’t nod, how long would he leave his hand over my mouth?
“Lily,” he warned. “Say okay.”
Fine. I nodded, and he dropped his hand. Total bummer. Why hadn’t I been that bummed when Les had stopped touching me?
Rafe set his hand on my back and guided me toward the school. “Tuesday night, Lily, you’re going to find out exactly how much fun music can be.”
Tuesday night. Oh, wow. I had a date with Rafe. Not a date, but a date. What if he sort of liked me? What if I didn’t have to go to the semi with Les? What if I said yes to Les tonight and then on Tuesday Rafe said he liked me? Like liked me. I sneaked a peek at Rafe as we walked back up the steps. “Um, Rafe?”
“Yeah?” He opened the door for me.
“There’s this semi-formal at school in two weeks and um, if I needed a date, like if I was desperate, and it wouldn’t really be a date or anything, but you know, well, would you like maybe go with me, like if I needed a favor or something like that?”