The F King:A Bad Boy Romance(23)

Our relationship already muddied the waters a lot, in terms of any  charges that might be levied against Ryan in the future, and I'd divert  as much as I could too. It was the only chance we had for either of us  to end up with the equivalent of a slapped wrist rather than going to  prison, and the only chance for him to, maybe, forgive me.

Last night, after all that sex, he'd seemed impressed when I handed over  a bundle of cash that paid Ryan back for the F he'd given me. That was  why, when Ryan said he had something important to show me, my ears  pricked up with the thought that maybe he was going to take me to meet  his source of F.

In undercover cop terms, the investigation had been moving at light  speed, but this would be the first breakthrough that would point the  finger at somebody other than Ryan. My heart leapt at the opportunity,  though it was brought crashing down pretty quickly by the brief but  intense wave of shame in the hallway.

I wasn't that loud, was I? Just how thin were the walls in Cumberland, anyway?

I didn't have to feign the embarrassment that kept me quiet as Ryan  drove the car, but the reasons for Ryan's silence were a mystery to me.  From the glances I stole at him as we went, he was definitely nervous  about something.         

     



 

Was his supplier dangerous? Another one of those Cannibal thugs? Just  somebody who'd hate to see a new face like mine turn up during a  transaction?

The questions only deepened when we pulled into the hospital parking  lot. Was his supplier a doctor? A nurse? Anybody else who had access to  the stockpiles of drugs in a hospital? Was Ryan also a middleman,  bringing ingredients for the manufacture of F?

All those questions melted away when we entered the elevator and Ryan  pressed a button for the tenth floor labeled "Private Wards." He looked  pale, like all his strength was being sapped away from him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, leaning in and slipping my arms around him.

"I hate this place."

"Why?"

"Some days are better than others, but she should be relaxing at home, enjoying her retirement. Some days are bad."

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. We walked out slowly as he rested his arm over my shoulders, almost leaning on me.

"Wait …  your mom?" I asked. "Is your mom here?"

Ryan nodded after a few seconds. Holy shit. He was introducing me to his  mom. My heart jolted like a monster had just jumped out in a horror  movie. Would she grill me about my intentions with her boy? What were  you supposed to do when you met your boyfriend's mother?

I blinked a few times and composed myself. However startling it was for  me, it looked like this was a lot tougher for him. For most people, I  could have understood that this was a daunting milestone in the  relationship, but Ryan had always been so immensely self-assured that it  was scary to see him looking so embattled.

"Is there something I need to know?" I asked.

Ryan took a deep breath, then let it out as he rethought his wording  before starting again. "Well, like I said, you'll see when you get in  there. I want you to meet her. I want her to meet you. But … "

"But what?"

"But I would never bring just anybody here. I don't know how much longer I could stand coming here alone. I need help."

"With what?"

"It feels like everybody around here has given up. Even her. They're  just counting down the days and I'm the only one fighting anymore. I  love you, but I still probably couldn't handle bringing you here if I  didn't know you were a fighter too. I need you here to fight with me."

I reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. He squeezed back, and I could  almost sense him trying to draw energy from me while he steered me down  the hallways as if he knew them all too well.

Outside a room marked "Crewe," he paused, took a few more deep breaths,  and contorted his face into a cheerful mask before leading me around the  corner into his mother's room.

The clinical lines of the hospital had been disguised by what looked  like the evidence of a long stay. The standard bedding was replaced by  colorful covers, a huge flat-screen television on a stand made the one  suspended from a bracket on the ceiling look like a toy, and flowers  adorned a set of drawers next to a standalone wardrobe.

Sitting in the bed, propped up with pillows and wearing a bandana, was a  woman who looked supremely tired. Though she was pale and thin with  dark circles under her eyes, I could still see more than a spark of Ryan  in them and she carried herself with a quiet dignity.

Those eyes found the energy to light up and I saw a flash of the  beautiful woman under the illness when she saw Ryan and I walk in.

"Excuse me, Miss California, I'm looking for my mom, have you seen her?" Ryan asked.

"Shut up, sweetie. So this is her?"





Ryan





"What do you mean "her"?" I asked.

"The one you've been daydreaming about these last few visits. Come here, let me get a look at you."

My mom held out her hands for Sarina, who let go of mine as she stepped  forward. I brought a couple of chairs closer to the bed as they took  each other in.

"Hi Ms. Crewe, I'm Sarina."

"And do you have honorable intentions with my boy?" my mom asked.

Sarina stuttered over her response and I jerked my head to face them. "Mom!"

"Kidding! I'm kidding! Sorry, dear, I've had that joke pent up inside me  ever since Ryan was born, but he never brought a girl home before."

I put a chair down behind Sarina, who was chuckling with relief, and grabbed one for myself.

"Yeah, well, I still haven't. This isn't home, don't even start thinking  about it like that. You're getting out of here," I said.

"We'll see."

My mom spoke the words quietly, as if she was humoring me, and the chair  felt all the heavier as I carried it over next to Sarina's. The two of  them were still clasping hands as I hugged my mom and sat down.         

     



 

"Ryan and I thought it was really time for me to meet you, now that I'm pregnant," said Sarina.

Sarina's body was directly between my mother and me, but if my mom  looked half as surprised as I imagined, then it was well worth the shock  I felt before I realized Sarina was simply turning the tables on her. I  heard spluttering from the opposite bed that were more than a little  reminiscent of the way Sarina had sounded a few seconds ago, before I  saw Sarina's shoulders shaking as she put a giggly end to the charade.

"Oh! Oh you little …  don't do that to a poor sick old woman!"

Sarina moved a little so my mother could peer around her at me. "I like her. How did you two meet?"

"Just out on the town one night," I said.

"I go to college at HU," said Sarina.

"Let me guess, chemistry?" asked my mom.

"No, HR. Human Resources. Why chemistry?"

"Oh, I guess that's just me living in the past. My Ryan was always so  fascinated by chemistry, it confused me no end when he decided to study  engineering."

"I was just a kid, Mom, I grew out of it. I thought there were more jobs in engineering," I said.

Sarina glanced at me with a slightly knitted brow, then back to my mom,  who was reveling in this moment she'd supposedly been waiting for ever  since I was born. It wouldn't be long until she pulled the  potty-training photo album out of nowhere.

"Just a kid, pfffft. You always got the best grades in chemistry all  through high school. The last few times he visited me here, I knew he  was daydreaming about something special. Or someone." She squeezed  Sarina's hands. "I hadn't seen him that preoccupied since the year he  got a chemistry set for Christmas. I'm sure the neighbor's Labrador is  still a little purple to this very day."

Sarina and my mom laughed, and neither of them looked likely to let go  of the other's hands. Clearly my mom was having a good day, perhaps made  better by Sarina's presence. I could only speak for myself, but my days  were sure as fuck better when she was around.

The two of them got along like a house on fire. I felt my muscles, which  had cramped up one by one on the drive over here, slowly unwinding  while I listened to them banter as if they were best friends from  school. I hadn't felt this relaxed on a visit to see her since the day  she told me she had cancer.

As much as I loved my mom, I could usually only last so long before the  cramps worked their way up my neck and I ended up with a headache.  Fighting the defeated resignation on her face, and the staff going  through the motions of a hopeless cause, was more than I could take.

It was little wonder that I fed off the power that creating F had given  me. It was because this, in here, was what powerlessness felt like, and  it was horrific. To be so helpless in the face of this …  monster  attacking my mother was beyond my ability to really cope with it.

Having Sarina here was even better than I thought. I'd hoped it would  feel safe like having two legs to stand on instead of one, but it was  more like having two legs and a big fucking gun.