Ryan
The first tendril of reality to snake its way into my consciousness was the smell of Sarina's hair. It enticed me towards the light like the scent of heaven itself.
Before I even opened my eyes, I took a moment to inhale deeply and take note of the way we were utterly entangled with each other. Her single bed didn't allow for much spreading out but, even if it had, I would have wanted to wake up like this anyway.
Her head was resting on my shoulder with that arm wrapped around her tightly. My lips were touching her forehead, which explained why the aroma of the shampoo she'd used last night when we showered was coming through so clearly.
She was turned towards me, and had her leg and arm draped over my body. The pussy she'd shared with me alone was resting against my thigh, just below my hip, and her breasts pressed against the side of my torso. My hand was resting on that smooth thigh of hers, almost as impossible to resist stroking as it was for those ancient sailors to resist the call of the sirens.
Tentatively, I opened my eyes and pulled my head back to see that Sarina's face was turned up to mine. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was in the slow rhythm of a peaceful sleep.
I blinked a few times to get the sleep out of my eyes and bring her beautiful features into focus. To tell the truth, "beautiful" was too ugly a word to describe her.
She was, in fact, so stunning that looking at her made me ache, not only with the need to fuck her, but the need to simply be as near to her as I could be. Giovanni Acardi had complained about how I was being paid a king's ransom every month, but all those wads of cash were worthless by comparison to the treasure in my arms right now.
Slowly, I lifted my hand off her thigh, trying not to disturb that slumber with any sudden movements. She'd wake up soon, no doubt, but in the meantime I wanted to revel in this perfect little moment. It was the kind of calm bubble in an otherwise fucking crazy life that I could tell I'd want to remember forever.
Freeing my hand from the blanket, I gently brushed a strand of hair away from Sarina's face and tucked it behind her ear. Silky smooth, I remembered how I'd thought her hair looked like liquid in the club on the first night and touching it now did nothing to dispel that notion.
I stroked her hair again, and Sarina's breathing broke rhythm in the form of a deep breath that puffed out of her nose on to my chest, before resuming its previous pattern. What did I do to deserve a girl like her dropping into my life?
As I stroked her hair, there was no answer to that question that I could think of. I hadn't expected it, hadn't ever really thought about it before, but there was something between Sarina and I that was already more true and tangible than my ever-growing stranglehold on the Acardi empire.
That was a fucking terrifying thought, because it meant that at some stage I was going to have to either rip my heart out and let her go or show her the real world underneath the gloss of Highston. My world.
Then what? What if she wanted to stay with me despite everything? Could I bring this perfect princess through that world? Could I even go through it myself without her, knowing now that she was out there? Could I … turn my back on everything I'd been building?
I shook my head in surprise at what my internal monologue had just blurted out. I'd worked so hard, put up with so much shit from the Acardis that the idea almost felt like it came from somebody else's voice inside my own mind.
Lucky for me, Sarina's eyes were still closed. Those eyes of hers, they were the cherries on her seductive sundae, and the kind of sight that could make a man make some stupid decisions.
As if on cue, her eyes fluttered open and looked at me dreamily, before clearing and locking with mine.
"I love you," I said.
Oh fuck.
Stupid fucking decisions like telling the truth. Sarina's eyes widened and she looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights.
I was hit by the sudden certainty that I'd just ruined everything, but my stuttering backpedaling was drowned out and cut off by Sarina bursting into tears. She buried her face against my chest.
"I love you too," she said through the sobs.
"What's wrong?"
"I … I don't know!" She looked up and smiled despite her tears. "I guess this is what I do!"
We laughed and she blushed and hid her face against me again. She was so pure and innocent, yet I'd seen that badass side of her too, she never ceased to surprise me.
Using a combination of my chest and the heel of her hand, she gradually wiped her eyes clear and got herself under control. She was so quiet that I almost thought she might have fallen asleep again when she spoke quietly.
"Nobody ever said that to me before. None of my foster parents. I thought I wasn't worth it."
"You are."
No wonder she cried. How could a woman like her have slipped through the cracks like that? I'd only heard the words from one more person than Sarina had, but what a difference that person made. I'd heard them early, and often.
I loved Sarina. It was a wonderful truth. But there were a few truly terrible truths she'd have to find out about if that love had any hope of surviving. Maybe today I could let her in on one of those truths and balance things up a bit.
It was time. The more I thought about it, the more I desperately wanted to bring Sarina today. The thought of going alone made me tired. The thought of feeling tired made me feel guilty, but the idea of bringing Sarina made me feel like I'd be walking on two legs instead of one.
"Hey, could you come somewhere with me today? It's kind of important."
"Where?"
"The "where" is easy … the "why" is a bit more complicated. Um … could you bear with me and just let me show you?"
"Uh … well … yeah, I guess so. When do you wanna go?"
"Right now."
Sarina raised an eyebrow, but then shrugged her shoulder. "OK, sure."
She sat up with a quiet groan, before reaching her arms towards the ceiling in a big stretch. I rubbed her back until she stood up, allowing me to get to my feet as well.
Sarina was blissfully ignorant of how enjoyable it was watching her bounce her way into her tight jeans. It made me want to take them right off her again. But instead, I dressed myself from the bag of clothes I'd given to Sarina when we had planned for me to stay in her room after the Halloween party.
Shortly afterward, I led the way out of Sarina's door and waited while she locked it behind us. A group of people were hanging out down the hallway, and a cheer went up as they noticed us.
I smiled and waved as we walked towards them. Sarina jogged a couple steps to catch up with me.
"What are they cheering about?" she asked.
"I told you the walls were thin here."
Sarina's brow furrowed, then her eyes went side and she looked down at the ground, shielding her face with her hand as the blood rushed to her cheeks. She must have had some idea of the kind of noise she made while she was getting fucked good and hard, but possibly not the full picture.
If I had needed any feedback about just how much she loved it when I was powering my cock into her, the way she came like an air raid siren would have done it. It was music to my ears, and I wondered if Badass would have a new nickname by the time she returned to her dorm this afternoon.
Sarina
If a wider range of emotions had ever been packed into ten minutes in my entire life, I had blanked it out. The instant I opened my eyes, Ryan told me he loved me and the waterworks started.
Twenty five years. Twenty five fucking years I heard those words in movies, I heard them said to other people, read them in books, and I waited. Why not me?
Now, the first time I heard those words spoken to me, he thought he was talking to somebody named Sarina Bell. I wanted to ask him to say "I love you, Sarina Beckett," but that would raise some questions, to put it mildly.
Part of me hoped to hear some kind of doubt in his voice, or to hear the cocky edge of a player telling a girl whatever he thought would get him more pussy. I didn't hear that. When he said it, I believed him.
Most of all, the rational part of me wished that I didn't love him so much too. Once Ryan said the word, put a label on this almost tangible connection between us, there was no way to construct even a flimsy argument against it.
I was in love for the first time, and I had to live with the knowledge that we were almost certainly doomed. What possible way was there for it to work out?
Even if I renounced everything I had made out of myself in my so-called real life and ran off with Ryan, the authorities would find me, and then he'd find out what I was. He'd hate me for that betrayal, he'd think it was all the lie that it was supposed to be.
But it was real and, in its own little bubble, it was perfect. The best thing for me to do was to push forward with the investigation, get as much information as I could on people upstream of Ryan's supply chain, and divert as much of the heat away from him as possible when it came time to crack down on the F operation.