None of the steps I'd taken in advancing my career had been missteps until now, and it was impossible to reconcile the one thing I'd always cared about with the confusion that the very sight of Ryan had instilled in me. What could you even call this turmoil churning away inside of me?
The two of us walked past the dining hall where the menu advised that dinner that night would be Black Bean Beef. I sighed.
Mercifully, Millie changed the subject to the lecture we'd just been through for the duration of the elevator ride up to the fourth floor we both lived on. The mercy was short-lived; when we came around the corner, we were confronted by a face I'd last seen fast asleep in the bed where I'd lost my virginity.
Millie bounced in glee and I froze. Ryan looked so out of place in the dorm, on the campus in general, amongst all the singlets and flip flops with his suit sans tie and polished black shoes.
He was leaning against the wall next to my door, reading something on his phone, when Millie's antics caught his attention. He looked up and Millie gestured at me like a beautiful assistant on a game show, displaying what our contestant could win today.
Ryan smiled and put his phone away, turning towards us. I could see he had a single rose in his other hand and he was getting closer. Correction, I was getting closer, with Millie's help via a hand on the small of my back.
"Found you," he said when I arrived at my door.
"How … oh, I told you I was in Cumberland?"
"That's right."
"Is that for me?" I pointed at the rose.
"No, I was going to eat it." He smiled. "Of course it's for you. Here, I hope you like it, there are two other Sarinas staying in Cumberland this year and I had to fight hard to keep one of them away from it after I showed up at her door."
I accepted the flower and held it up to my nose without thinking. It smelled heavenly, and when I looked up into his eyes I could feel myself melting all over again.
Get yourself together, Sarina.
"Sarina Bell, now I know." He pointed to the name written on a card on my door.
"Well … thank you."
"So … uh … I was wondering, I had a really good time … uh … talking to you the other … "
Ryan seemed to be slowly coming to the realization that there was a girl almost attached to my elbow with a smile on her face so wide you could have seen it from the surface of the moon. He glanced in her direction.
"Sorry, if you don't mind … ?"
"I'm Millie," she said.
"Well, hi. I'm Ryan. Hey, Millie, if you don't mind, I'd like to just … you know."
"I don't mi-"
"Millie?" I urged her in the direction of her own room with my eyes as forcefully as I could.
"Oh! Well, nice to meet you. Be nice to Badass, OK? You saw what she can do."
Ryan raised his eyebrow as Millie double-timed it to her door and slipped inside. "Badass?"
"Apparently that's my nickname now, after that night in the club."
"Makes sense. So, Sarina, I was wondering if I could take you out sometime? Sometime soon? Maybe dinner so we can talk a bit? I see you've got "Black Bean Beef" tonight. Just sayin'."
Sarina was my real first name, and standing in front of such a powerfully sexy man, holding a rose and hearing him use my name and ask me out on a date literally made my heart flutter. A smile started to play at the corners of my mouth.
"Does that mean yes?"
"Yes … but … "
"But what?"
But I needed to report in to my CO. My meeting was tomorrow. I could salvage this operation. Colossal fuck up or not, I did at least have some relevant information already, didn't I? Some cops were in character for months before anything happened, so I was kind of ahead. In a way.
"But not tonight. How about Monday?"
"Oh, a school night, eh?"
"I am a badass … "
"Alright. Monday. I'll pick you up at seven. Until then, though … "
Ryan reached up and laid his hands along my jawline, fingers buried in my hair, and he tilted my head up to meet him. I crushed the rose against my chest as he kissed me, first tenderly and then with more force.
He turned us so my back was to my door and I hit it with a little "oof." Ryan's breath was hot and perilously close to the crazy-button he'd found on my neck as he whispered in my ear.
"So, if we're not going out tonight, maybe we should stay in."
The desire to say "OK," find my keys and not leave my room for the whole weekend was potent, but I somehow found the willpower to let go of my rose with one hand and push against his chest until he backed off by half a step. I licked my lips and gulped.
"Wait … this is going to sound crazy after the other night, but … I want to take things slower. Is that OK by you?"
Ryan gave me that cat-and-mouse smile again. "Fine by me. I'll go, but can I give you one thing just so you don't forget me?"
"What's that?"
Ryan bent down again and gave me a kiss that left me breathless. I sucked in as much air as I could through my nose, my world filling with his mind-bendingly sexy scent, and I sighed like a lovesick schoolgirl when he finally left my lips to their own devices.
I gave him my number, he gave me his, and then he left with that smile never leaving his face. Round one definitely went to him, but I could do this. All I needed to do was string him along until we hit the friendzone and then it was business as usual.
I can do this.
Sarina
Highston was a major hub for the Palladium Lines bus company. Their services and central bus terminal provided a cost-effective way to get from campus, through a crowded space that would be a hassle to follow me in, to a bus stop a short walk away from a parking lot, where Sergeant Josiah Shelton was waiting for me.
The pouring rain gave me every reason to move hastily, as I didn't have an umbrella. I leapt into his car within a fraction of a second after opening the door, wiping my face. Shelton, always prepared, handed me a towel.
"Thank you, sir."
"I was surprised to hear from you so soon, Beckett. That usually means you need to get the hell out, or things have gone uncommonly well. Which is it with you?"
"I've made contact with the suspect, sir."
I gave my hairline one last wipe, hoping to preempt the next several drips that would fall across my face, folded the towel up, and handed it back to him. He threw it in the back seat.
"Already? Where? The club?"
"Yes, sir. He showed up the first night I went there."
"Anything interesting happen?"
Something about the way he looked at me almost made me break out in a cold sweat. He had this all-knowing quality about him that all my most efficient superior officers had over the last several years.
I licked my lips and gave my face another wipe with the back of my hand. "A lot of things, actually."
"Go on."
"The suspect arrived at about eleven thirty on Wednesday, and I saw him exchange something for money with multiple individuals."
"OK, so, if that was F, he's still got a source."
"Yes, sir. After a short time, he joined us on the dancefloor."
"Us?"
"Some of the girls from the dorm. I managed to get his attention and ended up talking with him in a booth in private. He … um … expressed an interest in becoming romantically involved with me."
"Understood. Go on," the deep all-knowing voice came, as he looked out through the blurry windshield at people rushing to and from their cars.
"So, my plan at this stage is to string him along for a while. Get to the friendzone, so to speak."
"Watch yourself, Officer Beckett. You're not the first undercover cop to opt for that path. It's got more blind corners with freight trains coming the other way than you might think. Especially for our female officers. These people … " He shook his head.
"I'll … I'll be careful, sir," I said, weaker than I would have liked.
"Did he talk about F at all?"
"Not yet, sir. He avoided the topics of drugs and money altogether and I don't think I could have pushed it any further than I did."
"Agreed. You're already ahead of the game, no need to get too cocky and blow it all. Anything else?"
"Oh yes indeed. Ryan Crewe has some kind of link with The Cannibals."
Sergeant Shelton looked at me sideways. "The Cannibals? What kind of link?"
"I'm not sure, sir. All I know is that they showed up and Ryan immediately excused himself to talk with them. I couldn't hear a word they said, but things got very violent very quickly. I was forced to intervene because the suspect was outnumbered, and one of the Cannibals produced a knife."
"Intervene, you say?"
"With a bottle of champagne over the head."