The F King: A Bad Boy Romance(47)

Oh, Ryan, what have you got yourself into?

What if he somehow continued his education in chemistry without his mom’s knowledge? What if he was actually involved in the production of F?

What if he’s actually the-

I cut off my internal monologue before it could finish the thought. Ryan, my Ryan, couldn’t be one of the most wanted men in the country. That was a thought scary enough to run away from.

Running away sounded like a good idea. If Ryan asked me to run away from all this with him, I might just do it. I guessed that answered my question as to whether I was still a cop.

When I thought about my future, I no longer saw a young woman rising through the ranks in the police force, all alone. I saw Ryan and I together, I felt his touch. I felt his love. My fake life was overwhelming my present in a haze of love, and overwriting my future with its sweet promises.

I half-heartedly told myself that I was here visiting Ryan’s mother so I could casually question her about Ryan’s abilities as a chemist, any criminal history that may not have been caught or reported, who his friends were, what she knew about his college days… but I hadn’t asked any of that.

The truth was that I came here because hearing somebody talk about Ryan who loved him so completely and unconditionally made me feel like I was being poured full of pure joy until I was almost drowning in it. I basked in her motherly attention like it was sunshine itself.

“I always wanted to do this,” she said.

I sat on a chair right against the side of her bed, facing away so that she could plait my hair. She worked slowly and methodically, and I could only gauge her progress by the various gentle tugs at my scalp.

“Even when Ryan had long hair he wouldn’t let me,” she sighed.

“He had long hair?” I asked absent-mindedly.

“Once upon a time. So did I.”

“It’ll grow back though, right?”

“It sure will, little miss, but it’ll never be as nice as yours!” she said playfully.

Diana had clearly taken on board how much Ryan needed to see her fighting as much as he was. Out of all my visits, I’d only seen her having one of the bad days Ryan mentioned one time, and that was right after one of her treatments.

We worked together to do all we could. We wiped her chin after she vomited, and we kept refreshing the cool facecloths against her forehead. I tried to keep everybody’s spirits up and manage their fear, as well as staving off my own.

I could see how much Ryan needed her to be OK. When she had the strength, it was obvious how she had earned that special place in his heart. She was working her way into mine pretty easily, that was for sure. What I wouldn’t have given to have somebody like her in my life as a scared and lonely little kid.

The sound of purposeful footsteps grew louder and louder, entering the room behind me. I felt Diana’s manipulations of my hair pause, and tilted my head to the side a little to see a poker-faced doctor standing there with a clipboard.

“Hi there, Ms. Crewe, how are you feeling today?” he asked.

“I’m doing good,” Diana replied tentatively.

“Hmmm. Well, I wanted to come have a talk with you. We’ve had some pretty important test results come back today. Is it OK for me to discuss them with you in the presence of…”

“Sarina,” I said.

“In front of Sarina?” he finished.

I could feel Diana’s bravery seeping out of her as the shaking of her hands was communicated through the grip she had on my hair.

“Y-yes… but… can I call my son? He should be here. For better or for worse.”





Ryan





HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

My mind kept on wandering back to that day. Somehow I managed to get out of the Acardi building without being shot in the leg. Then a couple hours later, I had a call from my mom to get to the hospital.

The words rang out in my head. “Cancer in remission,” and then the next few words were drowned out as Sarina, my mom and I hugged each other and laughed the kind of laugh you can only have when the Governor calls with a pardon just before they’re about to throw the switch on your electric chair. Hysterical relief.

My lab assistants were walking on eggshells now, though. I’d been working them hard to make up for the slump in production, and spontaneously breaking out into laughter like the mad scientist some of the rumors had labelled me.

They were freaked out, and I didn’t give a fuck. I’d spent my last Christmas in the hospital, full of more hope than I’d dared to have for-fucking-ever, and that was worth celebrating, if anything was.

The only real outlet for my energy was Sarina. I fucked-in the New Year with her and she shared in my joy. It did my heart good to see how well the two of them got along.