It didn’t really matter. He walked away. There was no sense in worrying about it.
I left the house earlier than usual on Thursday morning and stopped by a little bagel shop for a coffee and a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. The girl working in the shop was sweet and we had a nice, easy conversation while I picked the raisins out of the bread and enjoyed my coffee. She told me about her love life and I offered her some advice like I knew something about the topic.
I said goodbye and made my way to my Jeep. I got in the driver’s seat before I noticed a little piece of blue paper stuck beneath the wiper. I reached out the window and grabbed it, pulling it inside.
The writing on the blue post-it note was jagged, slashed across the paper. It appeared to have been wadded up at some point or, most likely, crammed at the bottom of a book bag of a hung-over Arizona State student.
I glanced around the parking lot, but it was empty. Figuring someone got the wrong car, I wadded it into a little ball and tossed it into my cup holder.
I got to work early and dug in, catching up from my lack of enthusiasm from the days before. By two o’clock, I had skipped lunch and had nearly cleared my desk when Alice came in.
“Hey, sweetie. Do you have a minute?”
I looked up. In her hands was a large bouquet of the most beautiful orange tulips I had ever seen.
“Those are gorgeous,” I said in awe, wondering who had sent Alice flowers.
“These were delivered for you.” She peeked around the foliage and smiled smugly.
I was floored, confident I had misheard. “For me? Are you sure?” No one had ever sent me flowers in my entire life!
“Absolutely.” Alice sat them down on my desk. “I’m not sure what the dinner and flowers mean, but I hope you are happy, Jada. If anyone deserves someone to dote on them, it’s you.”
I nodded slowly as she turned and left. I stood and buried my face in the petals, inhaling the scent of the tulips; the smell and beauty instantly lifted my spirits.
I picked up the crystal vase. It was tall, slender and heavy in my hand. The vase was bursting with flowers from all angles. Excitedly, I fished through the foliage until I located the card. It was white with silver swirls in a heavier cardstock. Even it was beautiful.
Extracting it from the envelope with a shaky hand, I read it carefully.
I dropped the note, my hands still trembling. I didn’t know how to process that.
I took a deep breath and then picked up the card. I re-read it, but it didn’t make any more sense than it did the first time.
He hasn’t called me this entire time and now he sends me flowers?
I buried my face in my hands, confusion taking up residence yet again. I had pushed him away so hard and he continued to pursue me. He wore me down, had me willing to break every rule I had self-imposed, and he walked away. And now, days later when he hadn’t bothered to contact me at all, he sends me flowers?
What the hell?
I sat there a long time, pondering what to do, trying to decide what it all meant.
Should I take the flowers as a white flag? A sign that he gives up chasing me and has resorted to being friends? Or do they mean that he is sorry for walking away?
His note certainly didn’t give me any insight.
I spent the better part of an hour going back and forth with myself, trying to decide how to respond.
Eventually, manners won. A call to thank him was only appropriate … and maybe I would get a hint about his motivation. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. My heart raced faster with every ring, my mind matching my heart beat-for-beat.
Do I even care what his motivation was? Does it change anything?
Of course it doesn’t … does it?
On the fifth ring, Cane picked up. “Alexander,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Hey, Cane. It’s Jada.”
“What can I do for you?” His voice was the epitome of professional, completely devoid of emotion.
“I was just calling to thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”
“Flowers?” he asked, distracted. “Can you hold on for a second?”
Without waiting for a reply, I could hear him talking to someone else.
“I’m sorry, Jada. Flowers—you got them?”
“Yes. Thank you. They made me smile.”
“I’m glad. I will tell Lucy that she did well yet again.” His voice was only marginally warmer and my chest tightened.
Any hope I had been holding onto vanished.
“Please do. Have a good day, Cane,” I said quietly for fear he would hear my voice crack.
“You, too, Jada.”
I clicked the END button and stared out the window. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I was embarrassed for thinking that maybe he had wanted me and angry that I had allowed myself to think that.