Being in his arms felt right as well, but I knew the risk that came along with it. James could really do damage if he chose to since he was aware that we made a good team in the eyes of his world. By being married to me, he could merge with my father's law firm and become even more successful. That was the plan all along, I was sure. I knew now why I was an only child. My parents weren't in love, and I might have even been an accident, and that idea made me sad. "Why didn't you have kids with her?" I asked as I looked at him with curiosity in my eyes.
"I wanted them, but we were only married for three years. She was career minded and so was I, running the firm. I suppose that I assumed it would happen with time, but that's not the way that it was meant to be," he replied as he searched my face.
"I knew that I wasn't meant to have children with James. Everyone we know asks, but then he'll start talking about the firm or something, and they forget."
"Leave him, Rayna." I was resting against him on the couch, naked and sweaty as I looked at him. "You might be surprised how freeing it is." Declan smiled at me as he leaned in to kiss me. "I'll be with you every step of the way."
I stayed late, knowing that James probably wasn't home. I had Declan drive me back to the car once it hit two in the morning, even though he didn't want to. We'd slept together one more time in the night, in his bed with his body over mine as we came together again.
I drove home and crawled into an empty bed for a few hours, thinking about what Declan told me. I could leave this house and get my own apartment or something. I worked and made my own money, just more than anybody knew about. I think what held me back is the loss of family, even though I didn't have them, to begin with. It was all an act for pictures or their precious friends when we were out in public. It was all a lie, but I wasn't ready to be on my own just yet. I wasn't willing to feel so lost.
I had the office and the girls that were friends. It was one of the best places to go for my days, but James was barely home anymore. I knew personally how much he saw Angela as well as a couple of the other escorts, not to mention the things that I didn't know. I
I told him early on that I was allergic to birth control pills, so we used condoms. As much as our families pushed us to have children, I knew that we weren't ready and he obliged with my wishes. It was the only way that I could imagine getting through sex with him, on the rare time that we did it. I used it as a distraction more than anything, since it seemed to calm him down and make him less edgy. With him home less, I didn't have to worry about that, and this was a beautiful home. I dreamed of keeping it if we were to divorce, but it was too much for me to handle on my own. Financially, I knew that the mortgage was a lot and I didn't need all this space.
It was one of James' trophies, and he could have it. All I wanted was my car since it was paid off and to be honest, I liked it a lot. I'd been one of his trophies in the beginning as well, and I thought back to the time when I thought he cared for me. How wrong I was.
I rolled onto my back and considered leaving again. I thought about Declan and how much he turned me on every time that I was with him. I didn't think that would happen with my one night of playing escort. I expected it to be awkward but it was quite sensual, and if all clients were like that, I might consider doing it again with another man. I knew first hand that rich people were assholes a lot of the time, though.
Lana and the others handled it well, but I knew that I couldn't. Declan was different, though, and I heated up as I thought about the passion between us. We had something between us that was electric, and it kept me going back to him, even though I knew that it was wrong. I was married, even if it was just on paper. I saw the dark look in his eyes when he saw my bruises, knowing that he wanted to go after James for that. Declan just held back for now. We weren't anything at all at this point. We just had a fling that could end at any time.
James told me that he was going away for a month for a conference with the firm a week after that. A month? I knew that there was a lot more to that, but I left it alone. I would get the house to myself and maybe get to spend more time with Declan. Maybe I could spend the night, a thought that made me smile to myself. I could also hang out with the girls.
My parents were on a European cruise for the month as well. They traveled a lot, and it was the reason I was always closer to staff when I was growing up. I knew there would be no seeing them, not that it was fun when I did.
I would just spend time with the people that seemed to care about me. That was what I needed as I walked into the office, knowing that James would be gone the following morning. He wasn't a fan of giving me a lot of warning when it came to his plans, but it didn't matter. I was happy that he was leaving.
CHAPTER 11
Declan
I chatted with Rayna every day when she was at the office in between bookings. I sensed that there was a part of her that was a little lost and looking for someone to love her … to really love her. I knew that I shouldn't step into her life since I was going through my own divorce soon, not to mention the fact that she was married. I did a little digging after one of the long talks one evening, seeing that her husband was a powerful attorney in the area with a lot of wealth and connections. I didn't find any kind of trace to violent criminals in the city, just that he was a rich asshole.
I felt my scowl when I realized that he'd stayed in my hotels in the past, more than likely with other women. His name was in the system.
He was a cheater, and I wondered why when his wife was so beautiful.
I never cheated on Claire when we were still together. I respected the vows that we took and willingly let her go when she told me that she wanted to be with someone else. I knew that we weren't the couple of the year when we hooked up but it seemed like a good idea to get married, so I asked her. I was beyond wanting children, and she appeared to feel the same way at the time. With her new boyfriend being a mere twenty-five years old, who knows?
I considered what it would be like to be with Rayna in a stable relationship. We had a terrible beginning if you looked at the facts, but there was something there. There was from the moment that I saw her, but there were so many complications involved in this.
I could see that her self-confidence was wavering at best, even though she was gorgeous. I wasn't sure if that was because of her parents or the husband, or perhaps both. Being raised to please your family had to be awful, making me angry that she married a man that hurt her because it was what they wanted. What kind of father was okay with his daughter being beaten?
My blood boiled, and I thought about all the things that I'd like to do to that guy. He was cheating on a smart, beautiful woman as well as hurting her. She could do so much better, even if it weren't me that she was with. I didn't want her to be with anybody else, though. I enjoyed the feeling of being inside of her, having felt her from all my favorite angles and even some that I wanted to try. I liked hearing her laugh and even the way her eyes softened when she got a little sad.
I just liked Rayna, even though I didn't want to. I was just getting out of a relationship, and here I was considering another.
We kept chatting, and when she told me that she was on her own for a week and suggested coming over after work one weekend, I was happier than I should have been. The idea of spending more than a few hours with her excited me and my mind raced with things that we could do, out of town where nobody would know us. I had hotels everywhere, and I knew how to be discreet.
I told her that sounded great and she sent me a smile.
We had talked the rest of the night before she went home. I tossed and turned, knowing that she was coming over on her own the following evening. I planned to get some dinner or even making something in my neglected kitchen, then watching a movie with her before we went to bed. She was suggesting staying the night, wasn't she?
Shit, I felt like a teenager again.
I got up early and went to work the following morning, so I'd have the night free. There was another prospect for a location of one of the hotels that I needed to research, and I wanted my mind clear to focus on Rayna.