The Elephant Girl(40)

Just let me die this time …

Jason came in the kitchen in time to see Helen knocking over a cup of tea. ‘Mind out,’ he said.

She lolled her head sideways, roughly in his direction but he got the feeling that she didn’t really see him. Her expression was vacant and twisted as if she was suffering discomfort or even pain. Instinctively he put his hand on her shoulder.

‘Are you all right?’

She didn’t answer. Instead she blinked rapidly several times, or rather her eyelids quivered, involuntarily. Slowly life returned to her eyes, her focus realigned itself, and she squirmed under his hand. He removed it but remained standing in front of her. Something wasn’t right. In fact, something was way off the chart.

‘You okay?’ he asked again.

‘Mm?’

‘You just knocked over your tea,’ he said.

Only then did she seem to notice the overturned mug and a mud-coloured puddle by her feet. Picking it up, slowly almost painfully, she said, ‘Sorry, I must’ve dropped off.’

‘That boring, is it?’ Jason grinned and pointed to the open folder on her lap.

Helen reached for the folder, sluggishly, then closed it and clutched it to her chest as if she was afraid he’d snatch it off her.

‘Abysmal,’ she said and stood up to put the empty mug on the draining board.

‘Are you sure you’re okay? Because you’ve gone all pale and twitchy.’ His eyes searched hers, seeking the truth. But seeking the truth with Helen Stephens was like catching a slippery bar of soap in the bath.

What had he just seen? She hadn’t dozed off. Dozing off looked different. He’d had a school friend once who had absences like that, but Simon was an epileptic. Did Helen have the same telltale signs of a seizure? Jason hadn’t seen Simon in years, and anyway the signs could be difficult to spot unless you knew what you were looking for.

‘Yeah. I’m fine … fine.’

‘Sure?’ He didn’t know why he kept asking that, but it seemed important to keep her talking.

‘No, really I’m okay, just tired,’ she said. She looked at the tea on the floor. ‘I’d better clean this up. Have we got a mop and a bucket anywhere?’

‘In the cupboard. Why don’t you let me do this? You look like you need to sit down.’

She sent him a testy look. ‘I’m fine. I can do it.’

‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Do me a favour and sit down. I don’t mind, honest.’

‘No.’

‘God, you’re stubborn! Sit down, for Christ’s sake.’

Almost manhandling her back down on the sofa, he could tell that her instinct was to fight him, but he wasn’t having any of it. Sometimes it was nice to be a man and be stronger than the girl. And this girl looked like she needed someone strong to lean on now and again, preferably without losing face. He could understand that.

He felt it through the palm of his hand as she allowed her body to relax, and when he lifted her booted feet off the floor onto the sofa, she even laughed.

‘Oh, stop it!’

Armed with mop and bucket, Jason began to clean the floor. Helen watched him whisk the mop from side to side with the efficiency of a seasoned cleaning lady. His calm fascinated her. He was so un-self-conscious, just himself, and not at all bothered by her stare.

His muscles rippled, and when he stepped outside to pour the dirty water down the drain, her eyes wandered to his backside. He was wearing jeans, as always, and his bum was pert, there was no other word for it.

She looked away. Relationships had never been easy. Sex she could do, because it didn’t require giving anything of herself, and this had led to a number of one night stands. For a time she’d even kept a scorecard before throwing it away in a fit of self-loathing. Meeting Joe taught her that it was possible to be just friends with a man, without strings attached.

Jason treated her the same way Joe did, with kindness and respect, but with an undeniable heat in his eyes now and then. For the umpteenth time in his company she slammed a lid on her lust. If anything ever happened between them – a big if – she wanted to get it right this time.

He returned to the kitchen and made them both a fresh mug of tea, which they took outside on the grass. Opening a packet of Hobnobs, he offered her a biscuit, then wolfed down two without drawing breath.

Impressive, she thought, amused, and watched him out of the corner of her eye.

Jason lounged on the grass supported by an elbow, his legs stretched out before him, and, completely untroubled by the world, continued munching biscuits. Helen realised she knew nothing about him. She’d been so focused on Fay that she hadn’t given him much thought, except in the sexually attractive sense. Then there was Charlie who was pretty unavoidable, and creepy Lee who was the exact opposite.