Suddenly, she sat up and ran to the bathroom, kneeling over the toilet as if she was going to be sick. I leapt off the bed, standing behind her, afraid to see her reaction.
If you’d just let me hold you!
“Caroline, please.”
But she held out her hand like a traffic cop. She didn’t want me.
She didn’t want me!
“Please!” I knew my voice was begging, begging her. “Oh, God, please, Caroline!”
I tried to hold her, but she pushed past me.
“No!” she shouted.
She collapsed onto the bed, her whole body shuddering.
“What have I done? What have I done?”
She repeated the words over and over, then hid her head in her hands.
Slowly, I sat down next to her, trying to find the words to explain how I felt; trying to find some way to show her that it was okay.
“I’m not sorry,” I whispered. “That was the best experience of my whole life. I love you; I can’t help it.”
I felt relieved when she let me pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her, stroking her arms and kissing her hair.
But then she sat up and pushed me away. Again.
“I apologize, Sebastian. It isn’t your fault. Please forgive my … behavior.” Her voice was so cold, a shiver of terror ran through me. “I think you’d better leave now.”
Oh God, no! NO!
“Please. Don’t send me away.”
But she didn’t reply. She didn’t reply because she didn’t want me.
The world crashed around me and I thought I was going to pass out. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my vision was blurred. Was I crying? I touched my face, amazed to find that my cheeks were wet.
Her body was turned away from me, stiff and unyielding.
Moving as if in a dream, I walked into the bathroom and dressed slowly. By the time I’d pulled on my sweatshirt, she’d already gone. The bedroom was empty, and only the rumpled sheets showed that my world had just imploded.
I made it down the stairs without breaking, but when I saw her, standing in the kitchen, her face softened and she started to cry.
“Oh, Sebastian!”
Half a heartbeat later, she was in my arms, her cheek against my chest, and she let me stroke her hair.
Oh, God, just let me hold you, Caro. Please don’t send me away.
“Don’t be sad, Caroline, I love you. It’ll be okay.”
She started laughing, her hiccupping giggles mixing in with gasps and cries. She stared up at me, so beautiful, and I wiped away her tears with my thumbs, heartbroken that I’d made her feel like this.
I had to show her how I felt; I had to let her know that it was going to be okay—that we’d be okay. I opened my mouth to speak, but it was too late.
We heard the car at the same time.
“David!”
That fucker.
I could hear the panic in her voice.
“You have to go! Quickly! Out through the backyard. Go!”
I turned to run to the door, then skidded to a halt. “When will I see you again?”
“I don’t know! Go! Go!”
I was desperate.
“Promise I’ll see you again! Promise me!”
“Okay, I promise!” she said, staring horrified at the front door.
I pulled her to me, kissing her fiercely. My woman. And then I ran.
I’d only gotten as far as the fence at the bottom of her yard, when I stopped. This was wrong, so wrong. What if she needed me? What if he’d come home because he knew? What if he hurt her? I had to stay.
I stood in the shadows, staring up at the light in her window.
My body was tense, my hands welded into fists at my side. I couldn’t leave her with him. I loved her, she loved me. We were supposed to be together. This was wrong.
“Caroline,” I whispered. “I love you.”
I’d find a fucking way for us to be together. No one would stop us.
LONG TIME LIVING
“He’s a mess, Mom.”“I know.”
“Yeah … but I’m really worried about him.”
She gave me a look—the one that said, What aren’t you telling me?
“Ches?”
It was breaking the code: the brother code, as well as the military code that said, Snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches.
I took a deep breath.
“He had another bruise today. He wouldn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure his dad…”
Her lips thinned with anger.
“…and he was sent home from work again. If he shows up with another bust lip or black eye, he’ll lose his job. Miss Perez said she can’t have him looking all banged up like that in front of the members.”
I didn’t tell Mom that the only reason Seb still had a job at all was because he was popular with the country club’s cougars. Not that he ever did anything with them even though he had plenty of chances—he was only interested in one cougar, and she was history.