I curled my free hand behind her, slowly drifting upwards, then pressed the palm flat against her spine. I kissed her again, bewitched by the way her tongue tasted, the way it moved against mine.
“Kick off your shoes. I want to undress you.”
I toed off my sneakers and took a deep breath when she undid the button on my pants. I stared down at her, stunned, as she unzipped my jeans and pushed the denim to the floor.
She stood up slowly, then started to stroke my cock.
It was almost too much. Complete fucking overload.
I felt my entire body shudder, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut, trying to find some way to cope with the sensations flooding through me.
I’d thought about sex a lot over the last four or five years, wondering what is was like with a woman, wondering who and when and where, thinking about all the things I could do, that my body was programmed to do. Ches and I had been through my dad’s entire porn collection. But nothing compared to this. My brain was flooded, my body on fire. I could barely see straight, let alone think; it was all movement, touch and sensation—and I was lost.
Her hands left me, and my eyes snapped open. She was undoing her bra, and my breath caught in my throat. She was so fucking beautiful. At that moment, I wanted to give her the sun and the stars; I wanted to give her myself, body and soul.
Take me, Caro, I’m yours.
She held out her hand towards me, and then I knew she wanted the same. I couldn’t help myself: I was like a fucking barbarian: touching her everywhere, tasting her skin, feeling her heat.
Her hand wrapped around my cock again, and I cried out.
It was too much. Too much. I came in her hand, pulsing streams of cum down her thigh.
Fuck, no! Oh God! Oh God, no! NO!
I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t fucking bear it. I didn’t want her of all people, looking at me with such pity in her eyes.
I turned away and felt my knees buckle.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
Stupid. Useless. Pathetic. Miserable fucking…
I hid my face in my hands, unable to look at her. I thought she’d tell me to get the fuck out. But she didn’t. I waited for her to say the words. They never came.
“No, don’t. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay.”
I could hear her talking to me, but I could barely understand what she was saying. She kept stroking my back, whispering to me.
“Sebastian, it’s okay. Sebastian. Look at me.”
But I couldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered again.
Then she grabbed hold of my hand, tugging gently.
“Come on. Come.”
She tugged on my hand again, but I couldn’t work out what she wanted me to do. I followed her, filled with confusion, humiliated and miserable.
She pulled me into the bedroom, gently pushing me onto the bed.
“Lie down.”
I lay back, watching her carefully as she walked around the bed to lie next to me. She pulled up the sheets and I felt her gentle fingers on my cheek. Her kisses fluttered across my face and lips, then down my throat.
I could feel her silky hair drifting across my chest, and I felt a sort of peace that surprised me, filled me and freed me.
She wasn’t rejecting me. She was giving me another chance. Because she was beautiful and kind and she knew I needed her.
I ran my hand down her arm and she smiled. Cautiously, I lifted my hand to her breast and circled the nipple with my thumb, watching fascinated as it formed into a hard little bud that I was longing to taste.
She gasped, and I dropped my hand away.
“No, don’t stop.”
She wanted me to touch her.
She continued kissing me across my chest and down to my stomach, and I knew I was getting hard again. Of course I was hard. She was so amazing. Her touch, the way her body felt, the way her body felt beneath my fingers.
She placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my cock, and a long, drawn-out sigh of pleasure escaped me. She smiled, and twined her fingers through mine, moving them down to her thighs.
“You can touch me,” she said, quietly.
She was letting me touch her pussy. She wanted me to touch her pussy. Fuck, she was so wet! My fingers glided in and out, circling her clit with my thumb.
“Yes, that’s right,” she groaned. “Like that.”
Hearing her turned on like that, wanting me was fucking intense.
“Slowly: yes, in and out.”
I stretched to kiss her throat, watching her whole body flush, responding to my fingers inside her.
She touched my cock again, then sat up suddenly. I stopped, staring at her in panic.
Had I done something wrong? Was she upset with me?
When she kissed me roughly, I groaned into her mouth. She pushed her body onto my hand, and I moved my fingers quickly. Suddenly, I felt her body pulsing around my fingers.