The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline(287)

“He’s arrived in the US and landed on Atash. They’re kind of cramped there already … and he has this kid with him … another distant cousin, or something; I don’t think he even knows how they’re related. Anyway, her parents were killed during an IED explosion in the market at Now Zad. Caro, she doesn’t have anyone really, and she’s only three. Her name is Sofia.”

“Sebastian, what are you trying to tell me?”

He opened his eyes and gazed down at me.

“We have room here,” he said, softly.

“What? You didn’t! You didn’t make any promises, did you?” I said, pulling away from him.

“Not exactly…” he muttered.

“Then exactly what, Hunter?” I snapped.

“I just thought … well, it would be good for Marco to have a big sister, wouldn’t it? I mean, I know that you could still … but she needs a home now, Caro. You should see her: she’s so cute, with all this long, brown hair and big brown eyes. She kinda reminds me of you.”

His smile was wistful and I felt my heart miss a beat.

“So … what does that mean? What do you think is going to happen? That’d she’ll come and live with us for a while? What happens when Marco becomes attached to her and then she just leaves? There are laws in this country, Sebastian. You can’t just go around taking children from their families!”

“I know that, Caro,” he said calmly as my voice began to rise. “We could … help … maybe … adopt her? She needs someone, baby. Sure, she’s got Atash’s family, but they’re busting at the seams there, and she needs something secure. Fuck knows what she’s been through already. She lost her parents … she saw them die.”

My heart went out to that lost little girl, but I had to be practical here, because God knows Sebastian wasn’t going to be.

“Do you even know if they’ve entered the country legally? And Child Services need to be informed so…”

“Fuck that! I have no idea and I don’t care. Rules aren’t for us, baby. They never were —not when it really matters, not when the law is shit and makes no fucking sense.”

His words stung me. I wanted to cry out and yell and say, No! There are consequences. Look what happened last time—we lost 10 years! But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

“She needs us now,” he stressed, gripping my shoulders. “Baby, you’ve got so much love to give. You’re an awesome mom. You’re amazing with Marco, so fucking patient. We can do this, Caro. We can give her the home she needs.”

“Does she even understand English?”

“No, but that won’t be a problem. She’s Pashtun—I can talk to her.”

“There are rules! We’d have to apply to be her adoptive parents and that could take a couple of years and…”

His eyes sparkled. “So that’s a yes?”

“It’s a maybe,” I said tentatively, feeling angry at being bulldozed and guilty about being the sensible one. “This isn’t something we can go into without really thinking it through.”

“So we’ll go see her tomorrow,” he said, pulling me into another hug.

“I said maybe!”

But I knew I was losing the battle. The truth was, I didn’t want to win it, but I had to be sensible. Taking on another woman’s child—I didn’t know if I could do it.

That night, Sebastian made slow, sweet love to me, whispering hot, dirty, passionate words in my ear, worshipping me with his body. At times like this, it felt like life had a greater meaning than the two of us, than our small family. It was hard to explain, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to try and see how the magic worked.

Sebastian fell asleep quickly that night, but I lay awake for hours, thinking, wondering. I tried hard to keep the practical problems in front of me: lack of space in our little bungalow for one, adoption procedures for another. Maybe I was too old to be approved as an adoptive mother. I just didn’t know. And there was a good chance that Child Services would think Sofia would be better off with another Afghan family, people who shared her culture and religion. But if we did go ahead, it would undoubtedly help that Sebastian spoke Pashto, but still … were we the right family for her? And how would Marco react? The only child, suddenly presented with a ready-made sister?

My eyes widened as I realized that I’d already thought of Sofia as his sister.

I watched Sebastian sleeping for a long time.

Moving as quietly as I could, I rolled out of bed.

“Where’re you going?” he murmured, sleepily.

Darn Marine! He slept like a cat.