Reading Online Novel

The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline(260)





Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds—and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of—wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there

I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,

I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, or even eagle flew –

And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod

The high untresspassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand and touched the face of God.



I said a prayer for her, too, alone in my motel room.



For nine weeks, I waited and watched with anxious eyes as Sebastian slowly began to heal.

He was given intensive physiotherapy to help him use his left arm, but, more particularly, to walk again. He became breathless and tired quickly, but, in the face of so many with worse injuries, he hid his true feelings. I think I was the only one who could see the simmering anger beneath the surface.

To other soldiers and to the staff, he seemed cheerful and worked hard at whatever exercises he was given. But to me, he was closed and distant. He’d always been so honest and open with me; I felt lost and alone—more truly lonely in his company than when I was by myself.

It soon became obvious that the extent of his injuries would render him unfit for duty. One of the prerequisites of being a Marine was the ability to run without a limp. The doctors thought it extremely unlikely that Sebastian would ever be able to walk without using a stick, let alone run. A medical discharge was the most likely scenario.

The military was generous to those wounded in combat, and although Sebastian wouldn’t qualify for a medical pension, not having served his 20 years, he was told he could still expect to receive between a third and half of his current salary. He would be a disabled veteran.

Those words sent him into a fury. He ranted at me for nearly half an hour.

“I won’t take it,” he growled.

“What? Why not?”

“I just won’t,” he said, with finality.

“Sebastian, you deserve that—after everything you’ve been through…”

“I’m not fucking taking it, Caro. I’m 27. I don’t fucking want disability pay!”

“Okay, tesoro. That’s your choice.”

I think the fact that I wouldn’t fight with him just made it worse. He had vast reserves of pent-up anger, and I was the nearest target—and probably the only one he felt he could take it out on.

The military also offered him the chance to take college courses through the GI Bill, but he wouldn’t discuss that either. The list of unmentionable topics became longer each day.

The tense silence between us was exhausting. At a loss, I thought it might help if I gave him some space and let him come to terms with everything that had happened, without my constant presence—and without what he seemed to feel was my constant interference.

I decided we needed a break from each other and I wanted to go and check on my house, too. Alice had been going over there regularly, but I longed to be in my own home. I really thought it might help our tenuous relationship if I just visited Sebastian on the weekends. It was also getting expensive staying in the motel, although I didn’t mention that to him.

We were resting on a bench in the grounds after Sebastian had managed to walk almost 200 yards, leaning heavily on a crutch. It was hard for me to see him struggle when he had always been so strong and vigorous; but how much harder it was for him, I could only imagine.

“You did well today, Sebastian.”

He grunted an answer, and I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing with me or not.

I sighed, then took a deep breath.

“I’ve been thinking I should go back to Long Beach. Just to make sure everything is okay at home. I want to try and start working a bit more…”

My words died away as he looked at me with something like loathing.

“You’re leaving me.”

It was a statement, not a question.

“No, tesoro! Why would you say that? No, never!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Caro,” he shouted. “You’ve made it pretty fucking obvious you don’t want to be here. Well, fine. Just fucking go.”

And he turned away from me.

I tried to speak, but I choked on the sounds.

“Please, Sebastian,” I said, touching his arm. “That’s not what I’m saying: I just wanted to … try and get some … some normalcy. I’d visit on weekends.”

He shrugged me off.

“Don’t fucking drag it out, Caro,” he said, bitterly. “I’m not completely fucking dumb.”