“Nor did I. I never forgot the kiss, or the girl I mistakenly kissed. You, Dillie. I knew you’d be a danger to my heart the moment our lips touched. Yours were so soft, they just drew me in. I would have gone on kissing you if you hadn’t stepped back and slapped me.”
“You’d startled me, that’s all. I didn’t really want you to stop. I liked it rather a lot. I still like your kisses.”
“The night I was attacked on Chipping Way,” he continued, absently running his hand along his stomach and the scar that stretched across it, “I think now that I must have been running toward you. I wasn’t aware of it at the time. As it turns out, it was the smartest thing I could have done for many reasons.”
She nodded. “Uncle George was there to save you.”
“That, too. But most important was catching a last glimpse of you... the girl I’d mistakenly kissed. You took my hand that night and never let go.” He swallowed hard. “For the first time in my life, I felt that someone cared. It felt good. Damn good. That night, I knew my time on earth had not been wasted because I’d met you.”
He shook his head and leaned back. “I know you’re afraid that I’m about to run off and do something foolish. I won’t deny that I want to, but I’ll let my man of affairs take care of my enemies. It’s a simple matter, really. I need only cut off their funds. Toss them out of their homes... my homes.”
She shook her head. “You support these enemies of yours? I don’t understand. Who are they?”
“I thought you would have guessed by now.” He shrugged his shoulders. “My family was behind this latest attempt. I imagine it was for the same reason that prompted their first attack.”
“They ordered the Chipping Way attack?” She frowned, trying to make sense of what he’d just told her. “Why?”
“Come on, Dillie. Why the confusion? Think mean, petty reasons. My mother would rather see me dead than happily married. My eldest cousin always thought he would inherit, and now he’s terrified that I’ll sire an heir to displace him.”
Her heart twisted in a painful knot. How had he survived his childhood? She thought of the nights he must have spent alone, a small child left to fend for himself, lying heartbroken and alone in the dark. Despite the lack of a mother’s love, despite the lack of any love at all, he’d turned into an admirable man. “I’m so sorry, Ian.”
“So am I,” he said in a quiet manner that revealed the extent of his torment. “I’d love to wring their bloody necks, but I won’t. I’ll do something far more painful to them. I’ll cut off their funds and remove them from England. Perhaps ship them off to Jamaica or India. Since I support them, own their beautiful homes, and have been maintaining them all these years, it will be easy for me to do. My terms will be generous. I’ll continue to support them, because as bad as they are, they’re all I have—but I won’t give them enough to pay for more assassins—so long as they remain away from England.”
He sighed, and his voice broke just a little as he said, “I was a fool to hold out hope, to believe they might one day forgive me.”
She wrapped her fingers in his, but glanced away. Her eyes were watering and she didn’t wish Ian to see her crying, for he would mistake her tears for pity. Ian was too proud to ever accept anyone’s pity or help. “They’re the fools. Your entire family.”
“Perhaps, but they’re still my family. I can understand my cousins’ greed. But my mother?” He leaned back and let out a bitter laugh. “She knew this second attack was planned. Didn’t consider warning me. Now, that’s a mother for you.”
Dillie was speechless. She couldn’t imagine a single Farthingale ever behaving so abominably. Farthingales might smother with love, but never with apathy or hatred.
“And then there’s you,” he said softly. “My guardian angel. Your eyes sparkle whenever you look at me. They always have. Even that first night in Lady Eloise’s garden. I’m glad you were the wrong girl and glad I put that sparkle in your eyes.”
He tipped a finger under her chin and turned her to face him. “I meant what I said the night I lay dying. I’m glad it was you by my side.” I’ve never wanted anyone else beside me. Only you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.
One day he’d find the courage to tell her.
***
Ian sent a messenger off to Swineshead with a warning note to his staff to keep alert for strangers prowling about, and then made straight for London. At times, he rode in sunshine that warmed the air, but mostly he rode in a light mist, the stubborn remnant of the powerful storm now moving upward into Scotland.