The Duet(76)

“It doesn’t matter,” I answered because I knew it would hurt him. I wasn’t done building my anger from the day before. I wasn’t ready to think rationally or let him sweet talk his way back into my life. I just wanted to hide behind bitchy comments until he was too angry to stay any longer.

“Talk to me.”

Oh, fuck that.

“We don’t talk, remember? That wasn’t part of our set-up.” I pointed back and forth between our bodies for emphasis. “We were a series of one-night-stands. Over and over again. So let’s not pretend there’s anything more. You wouldn’t explain a wife to a one-night-stand, so don’t explain it to me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

I laughed. I didn’t know anything. Not a single thing. I thought I’d been chipping away at a guarded man, slowly weaving myself into his life until he couldn’t not be with me. Instead, I was having sex with a married man, like a dime store hooker.

When I’d heard him singing on the third floor, I thought his song had been for me. But that song was for his wife.

They were never for me.

This entire time I’d been a delusional idiot. I’d been staring at an optical illusion. Once I saw the real image, the image I was supposed to see, I could never go back to the picture I saw before. My mind already knew what was real and what was fake. That knowledge made the tears start to form again, which was not happening in front of Jason.

“I thought you told me you could handle our situation. You were the one to push it, even when I told you I was complicated.”

“I know!” I yelled, unable to put the lid on my emotions. “Don’t you think I know that?”

I’d had enough self-loathing circulating through my system; he didn’t need to continue to point that fact out to me.

“So then why are you backing down now?” he asked, taking a step away from the island.

“Why am I backing down?” I asked, flailing me arms out to my sides. “Because you’re married! Which puts me in the home-wrecker category. Do you realize that? Do you realize that by not telling me the truth, you’ve forced me to become the other woman without even realizing I was doing it? I’m not a bad person. I don’t sleep with married men.”

He shoved his hands through his dark hair, gripping onto the ends for a moment as he squeezed his eyes closed.

“Yes - I’m technically married. But not because I’m in love with Kim. I was never in love with Kim.”

I laughed, but it came out sounding like nails on a chalkboard. “That means nothing to me. I bet half of married men would say that at any given time.”

His hands finally dropped from his hair and he cleared the distance between us in a matter of seconds. “That’s not what I mean, Brooklyn. Kim is with another man. That ring on her finger is from another man.”

What the hell kind of crazy shit had I walked into?

“Lacy isn’t my daughter, but I still raised her while we were married. I tried to adopt her but Kim kept putting up road blocks.”

I backed up against the counter and crossed my arms, prepared to listen to whatever he had to say.

“When Kim filed for divorce, I had no claim to Lacy. Kim could take her and I’d never get visitation. She’s not my child, I know that, but it felt like in one fell swoop I was losing my entire family and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

“So when you left Montana yesterday without even waiting for an explanation, it reminded me of why I purposely wanted to keep things simple with you in the first place.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me about all of this?” I asked him.

“I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep you separate from them. You were supposed to help me write a song and then leave,” he said.

His words shouldn’t have had the ability to hurt me anymore. I clearly deserved his anger, but I couldn’t just stand there and take it.

“That’s exactly what I did,” I argued. “I left when the song was finished.”

“That’s it?” Jason asked, narrowing his eyes on me.

I wanted to yell, “No, that’s not it.” Instead, I forced a sharp nod. “That’s it.”

I didn’t ask for this. At twenty-seven, I didn’t need complicated. I needed simple and easy. I needed someone who was ready to settle down.

I took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry about everything you’re going through Jason, but I just need some space. A breather,” I said, feeling confident in my decision.

“Say what you really mean, Brooklyn,” he said, stepping directly in front of me so that I had to crane my neck back to look into his eyes.