That answer was so unexpected, the words had to circle Amana’s mind a few times before she could settle in herself that yes, she did hear what she thought she heard. “I don’t understand,” was all she could think to say.
Merc’s eyes were in near constant motion as they shifted from mirror to window to mirror again. The constant surveillance tired her out, and how he could keep it up was a mystery.
Now his gaze rested on her for a precious few seconds. “I believe you when you said meeting me was not planned. I believe you when you tell me you don’t work for the Guild.” His eyes flicked away, back to scanning. “As I’m usually right when I believe someone, I’ll believe you until I have hard evidence not to believe you.”
Unexpected warmth slid through her body at those words, bringing an unexpected thickness to her throat, behind her eyes as she faced him, this confusing man she wished she had met in any other circumstances. “And you believing me means…?”
“It means I’m not a murderer. I don’t kill people who don’t deserve it. I’m not going to kill you because you got tossed into this crap.”
“So what’s this then?” she asked, pulling at the handcuffs that chained her to the car door. The last part came out whinier than she wanted, and if she could have reached it, she would have banged her head into the dashboard. Enough whiny. She hated whiny, and while she had indulged a bit lately – and had reasons to – that didn’t mean it needed to become a constant from here on out.
It could be worse. Right now wasn’t fun, but in many ways she was closer to her goal than she had been any time in the last ten years. It could be worse. It had been worse. She didn’t like the tension and she didn’t like the captivity, but she’d take right now, with the weird push-pull between her and Merc and the in-her-grasp chance of freeing her brother, over most of what was in her memory.
It could be worse. The phrase circled her mind, what her brother had always ended their conversations with the few times she’d been able to visit him. It could be worse. I’ll take being here over the alternative any day. And she wanted to punch at the barrier between them, scream that she deserved to be there, and why in the four hells hadn’t her brother let them take her away? But he smiled at her, and the love that shone in his eyes for her stayed her tongue and had her moving forward to the next man, the next plan, the next job that maybe would get him free.
Yeah, it could be worse. So enough whining.
“What should I say?” Merc was back to his constant surveillance and not looking at her. “In some ways, believing you makes my situation a lot more dangerous. I can’t let my guard down.”
“How am I dangerous? You’re the trained mercenary who has all these tricks and friends and plans.”
“That’s training. I’m used to that. But you, I have no experience with.”
“Do you mean my power or our connection?” The bravery was unexpected, but it felt right to ask now, after what he had revealed last night, the way they had talked. Though it was hard and confusing and she very well might betray him in the end, her connection to him, the connection formed in dreams, was the most real part of her life right now.
His head dipped forward, enough to allow his bangs to cover his eyes and shield them from her gaze, and the line of his jaw tightened the smallest bit. “Both.” His voice was low and ragged, as if the confession had been torn from him, unwanted and unwavering. “You are this beautiful, wondrous, delicate woman with a power the gods fear, and you made me think of nothing else but you from our first meeting. I’m adrift, and I don’t know how to handle this.”
His honesty was breath-stealing. She’d never known a man to be forthright, with no game or scam threaded throughout his words. “Maybe we can work together.” She twisted in her seat to face him, her arm held back the slightest degree by the cuffs. “I’m not a Guild member. They don’t have my loyalty.”
“But your brother does.” The calm assurance in his voice stopped her movement towards him, had her waiting for his next words. “You’ll do whatever is necessary to free your brother, and there is a part of me that admires that strength of will. There is. But I’m not so blinded by either our connection or my admiration to overlook the fact that if it came down to it, you’d sacrifice me for your brother.”
She’d lied so many it was second-nature, it was not even a concern in her head or her heart, but on her life, she could not untwist her tongue to assure him he was wrong, that she would stick to any bargain, that she would be true to him.