She needed a to-do list to take control of her emotions, like everything else. Physical distance first, so that she didn’t do something stupid like beg him to trust her.
To want her like she did him.
Keeping her dignity would be bullet point two. That way, he’d not know how much he’d hurt her.
That had been her strategy even with her father. Most days, especially in the end, when his dementia had made him vulnerable to attacks of rage and spite, Eleni would pretend that his barbed words didn’t hurt. And for a while, at least, she’d bought into her own pretense.
Wresting control over her body and heart—bullet point three.
The water she’d found soothing until it felt far too hot on her tingling skin. With just the thought of Gabriel and what he’d done to her, she felt far too aware of the crease of her sex, the heaviness of her breasts, the ache that came to life between her legs.
She shut the shower off and tapped her forehead against the cold tile. No bullet points would help the longing in her soul.
Thoughts in a whirlpool, she hastily dressed in her pajamas, pulled a robe over top and went back to her old bedroom on the opposite side of the wing.
* * *
Dawn was tingeing the sky a delicate pink as she flipped the covers over her bed and looked at it restlessly. She was far too keyed up and anxious for sleep. Far too tired to dress for work already.
She was wandering her bedroom restlessly when there was a loud knock on the door to her suite. She opened the door to find Gabriel standing at the threshold, a thunderous expression in his eyes.
Instinctively, she took a step back and his scowl deepened. He saw the night bag she had packed without thought, her laptop case sitting at the foot of the bed. Her cell phone connected to its charger by her bed.
“What the hell is the meaning of this, Princesa?”
“Of what?” she forced herself to say, while her mind, and body, became reacquainted with the sheer breadth of his masculinity.
He moved in with a purposeful stride and banged the door closed behind him. Like he’d done at the barn. He wore an expertly tailored white dress shirt that he unbuttoned roughly. All the while his gaze did a thorough, tormenting sweep of her body.
Alarm chased through her with a follow-up of deep want. “I don’t need consoling tonight,” she blurted out, feeling as if she was turning inside out.
His fingers stilled on his buttons, his head jerking up. “Excuse me?” He strode toward her, and when she backed away, seemed infuriated. “What did you say?”
Eleni licked her lips and wished she’d kept her mouth shut.
He stood so close that she could scent a thread of his aftershave. Her knees threatened to buckle under her.
“Why have you moved back to your own suite, Princesa?” Goodness, he was blazingly furious. Again. “Have you already had enough of this marriage?”
Her cheeks burned with mortification. She craned her neck to see into his eyes. “I needed a little distance,” she said defensively. “Also, since you left without a word, didn’t even bother to ask after me the next morning, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me there.”
“Wanted you where?”
“In your bed.”
Another step of his toward her, and she backed up a little more. “You didn’t ask me the first time if I wanted you there. You lodged yourself in my bedroom as if you were queen of the palace.”
“I... I was foolish then. I thought if I dangled myself like a juicy carrot in front of you in close quarters, you’d succumb to temptation.”
His mouth twitched but nothing could calm the devilish gleam in his eye. He looked at her the way she looked at a pair of stilettos. With deep, possessive need. “And you succeeded. I fell for the proverbial carrot and devoured you.” Her blush rose again and she just gave up fighting it. “Is that the problem?” His face softened, tenderness and something else filling up his eyes. “Did I hurt you?”
He looked so utterly pained by the prospect that Eleni couldn’t keep quiet. “It hurt, yes, but...not in a bad way. With our respective sizes, Mia said she figured I would be up for a rough ride.” This time she burned with mortification for he laughed outright.
It was the most beautiful sound Eleni had ever heard.
“My point is...it hurt no more than it should for my first time. I think.”
He pushed a hand through his hair roughly. And slowly, as if coming out of a fog, Eleni wondered if he had truly worried over her absence in the suite. If she’d just declared defeat without even fighting for their marriage. “Then why are you here, Eleni?”
“You left before I... You left without a single word and you didn’t return for a week. Moreover, you stayed with your...lawyer friend, who they say is really close to you. Not everything in this marriage can be your decision, Gabriel. I gave myself whiplash wondering what you were thinking. I wasn’t sure if you’d want me in your bed.”
“And if I didn’t want you, you’d stay out of it, Eleni? Why didn’t you do that the first time then?”
This conversation was going nowhere. One of them, Eleni knew, had to take the first step toward the other. Toward honesty in their feelings. In giving more than wanting things in return. In making a leap of faith.
She’d demanded his trust, and yet she hadn’t trusted in herself at all. Hadn’t believed that she could be his equal, that she could still steer their marriage the way she wanted.
Just like she’d always done with her father. She’d kept her head down, absorbed all his poisonous barbs about her sullied blood, about not being good enough for the House of Drakos with a blind hope that he would come to love her.
God, she’d been such a coward.
But Gabriel meant far more to her than anyone ever had. Then shouldn’t she at least fight for him before she gave up?
Hair mussed, shirt hanging open, he’d never looked more gorgeous. Or more out of her reach. Her chest ached with longing. But she had to say her piece. He undid the last button and, mesmerized by the sight of his tanned, perfect chest, Eleni stared mindlessly. “I thought this would be easy. I would look after Angelina, have a baby and you would never threaten Drakon again. But I realized I just can’t. I can’t—”
“If you’re asking for a bloody divorce two months into this marriage, I will—”
“I’m not!” She stared at him, aghast. “Why do you keep assuming the worst about me?”
He sighed. “Then what do you suggest we do, cariña? What is it that you want of me?”
“I realized I need more than you’ll ever be willing to give, Gabriel. And I... I can’t just let you hurt me. Like I let my father all my life. I’m still trying to find a way around that instead of just giving up on us. But infidelity is my last straw. I know what we agreed, but I just can’t...”
The tender stroke of his fingers over her cheek made tears prickle behind her eyes. “I have not touched another woman, nor will I...” Gabriel pushed his hand through his hair, frustration building up inside him. Yet it had nothing on the panic that had swarmed him when he’d found his suite empty of her. She asked for very little. And yet, every word he spoke to her felt like he was giving away parts of himself to her. Permanently.
He still had to try. “I have never slept with two women at the same time in my life, Eleni. With the relentless media focus on Nikandros and Andreas, you have to know that half of it is smoke.”
She lifted her chin and met his gaze, as if to assess if he was speaking the truth. “All I care about right now is Angelina. There are enough headaches in my life dealing with you and Angelina, finishing this project in Drakon and to top it all, my mother is getting married again, apparently, and she thinks somehow I will join her and the new chump she’s picked out in this celebration. I went to Barcelona to reassure Isabella that I’ll look into it. And if my communication and my departure was abrupt, it is because that’s how I have lived for thirty-six years. I won’t come to you and discuss every filament of feeling or emotion that passes through my head.”
“Feeling?”
“Yes. I felt guilty for taking you like that in the barn. For not listening to you about the video. And I don’t handle guilt well. I’ve never—” He cut himself off right there. “I’ve never been in a relationship with this much hassle.” There! That should satisfy her!
No need for the minx to know how possessive he felt about her. Or about the moments of dread when he wondered about the man she’d loved once, the man who was clearly dear to her. Not when the knowledge of him returning, of him offering Eleni the world hung over him like a shadow every waking moment.
But he would deal with it when it came to that.
She was his wife now.
She belonged with him and Angelina.
The sexual chemistry between them was off the charts, and when it cooled, they would both come back to earth. They might even have a satisfactory sex life, a relationship with mutual respect and love for Angelina and any other children they might have.
“You went to see your sister, Isabella?” she asked in a small voice, her gaze searching his.
“Yes. Are there any more questions?”
“Your friend...”
“Alyssa has never been my lover and never will be.”