She knew she would love Tyler Stone until the day she died.
Chapter Seventeen
In the sweltering heat of the cab, Tyler opened his flight bag and took out Rebecca’s letter. When he’d first discovered it three weeks ago, the day after he’d proposed, he was so fucking angry he’d screwed it into a crumpled ball and thrown it away. Later, when he’d calmed down, he’d taken it from the trash can and smoothed it flat. Now he slid the letter from the battered envelope again and began reading, already knowing the words by heart.
My Darling Ty, I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done to you, but I hope an explanation will go some way to helping you understand the position I find myself in.
I know when you read this letter you will be sad and disappointed, as well as angry, and, my darling, I fully understand you have every right to feel this way.
You’re better off without me, Ty. I always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who made her own luck in life, but I was too weak and selfish to tell you face-to-face what I’m about to reveal to you now. You may think I am a coward, and you have every right to believe that, because in truth, I am. I just couldn’t find my courage when it was needed most.
You see, my darling, it deeply saddens me to tell you that I am unable to have children, and because you were adopted yourself, I fully understand how much it means to you to have a family of your own. Please believe me, Ty, it was always, always my intention to tell you before I fell so deeply in love with you, but the time just never seemed right. I suppose I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment in your eyes.
Please believe me, even if you had comforted me and told me everything was just fine, I know the nagging disappointment would return and haunt us both a year or two from now, when the realization finally hit home what you’d sacrificed by marrying me. I told my previous Master, Mitch. Like you, he longed for children, and our relationship eventually finished. I love you so much, Tyler. I couldn’t bear to see you react in the same way as him. When I looked at Mitch, I saw a face frustrated and disappointed by my infertility, and I hated the way it made me feel. Barren, fruitless, desolate. Not a real woman.
I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was barely ten years old and spent the next two years fighting the disease. While the chemotherapy helped save my life, it unfortunately had the side effect of destroying my fertility. Over the years I have seen endless doctors, and they’ve all told me the likelihood of me producing a child of my own is realistically zero.
No one can understand the gnawing ache I feel deep inside when I see a happy little boy or girl walking hand in hand with their mother. The ache in my heart at times seems unbearable, knowing that I cannot enjoy and savor what millions of other women take for granted. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, Ty. I don’t deserve your sympathy. All I’m trying to do in my own clumsy way is to try and explain as best I can.
My dearest Master, yesterday, the day you asked me to become your wife, was the most wonderful day of my life, and despite me writing this letter, I’m so glad I got to share that perfect day with you. I know if we’d become man and wife, you would have shown me many things, but because I love you so much, I have to let you go.
Be safe, be happy, but above all remember I will always love you so very much. Have a wonderful life.
With all my love, Rebecca.
“This is the address, senhor.” The cab driver’s broken English announced his arrival.
Tyler glanced across the street at the low-level property. It looked like a thousand other beachfront houses. White stucco walls, with landscaped gardens.
In irritation, he dragged a hand across his face, feeling the stubble rasp beneath his fingertips. Fuck, it was hot, probably more than a hundred degrees. Three weeks ago today, he’d woken to find Rebecca gone and just a handwritten note to take her place. The waking nightmare had continued until he’d been given this address by the private investigator he’d hired at considerable cost.
He shook his head. Was it really only three weeks since Rebecca had left without a word? Shit, he still felt so fucking angry, but he felt compassion, too. Each day seemed a lifetime without his Becca and he missed her so badly, he’d hardly slept in all that time. The icy chill that had gripped his heart when he’d discovered her letter lying on the pillow next to him still remained. Tyler glanced across at the unassuming property again. He had every right to be angry, but he also understood her reasons for leaving, even if they were totally fucked up.
Tyler slid the letter back in its envelope then put it in his flight bag and zipped it up. Typical fucking woman. Didn’t she realize that his happiness was linked to her? He still loved her. That was why he’d proposed to her at the lake. Why the fuck hadn’t she confided in him? Was he that much of an ogre? But sneaking away without a word, after they’d made love three times that night, was unacceptable behavior, and when he finally caught up with her, she would be severely disciplined.