“What are you doing here?” I ask. Even though I have bigger things to worry about, his instant dismissal of me on the walk home from Peregrine’s still stings.
“I wanted to explain what I meant on Saturday night.”
“Oh, I think it was pretty clear,” I tell him. I lock the door behind me and start walking down the driveway. “Let me recap: You could never imagine dating me, even though you don’t find me entirely repulsive. That about the gist of it?”
He falls into step beside me, even though his Jeep is still parked in my driveway. “You don’t understand.”
“Don’t I?”
“Eveny—” He attempts to interject, but I’m on a roll.
“I know I’m an outcast here. I know I don’t really belong with the Dolls. But if you’re not interested in me, why do you keep lurking around being all sexy and intriguing?”
He stops walking. “You think I’m sexy and intriguing?”
I groan. He’s missing the point.
After a moment, he hurries to catch up with me. “Eveny, I’m not trying to jerk you around.”
I snort. “Yeah, well, your social skills could use a little work.”
“I know.” He hesitates. “The thing is, I do like you. A lot.”
This time, I’m the one who stops walking. “What?”
“I like you, Eveny.”
A whole fleet of butterflies invades my stomach. I try to keep my face neutral. “Well, you have a funny way of showing it.”
“The thing is, I’m trying my best to stop having these feelings for you.”
The words hit me hard, and I start walking again so that he can’t see my face. “Gee, sorry to be such an inconvenience.”
He grabs my arm and spins me around. “Would you stop being sarcastic and listen to me?” He takes a deep breath and blurts out, “I’m not allowed to be in love with you. I’m not allowed to date you. I’m not allowed to be feeling this way at all.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m your protector, Eveny,” he says. “For as long as Carrefour has existed, my family has protected your family.”
“My protector?”
“It was all established in the town’s founding ceremony,” he explains. He looks miserable. “There’s one protector for each queen. We’re specially charmed and trained to guard you, and there are rules that go along with it, just like there are rules dictating everything else in this damned town.”
I realize what he means. “And one of the rules is that you can’t have feelings for the person you’re protecting.”
He nods. “As long as you’re inside Carrefour’s walls, I’m supposed to be able to sense when you’re in danger. But the more I feel for you, the fuzzier the protectorate link gets. Like, I don’t know, the way Wi-Fi slows down when there are too many people using it.”
I choke out a laugh, despite everything. “You’re comparing your feelings for me to a slow internet connection?”
“Maybe not the best analogy ever.” He half smiles, but the expression quickly disappears as he adds, “Look, I’m sorry. But if I keep letting myself feel this way, I’m putting you in danger. And I can’t do that.”
I take a deep breath, trying to absorb what he’s saying. “But what if I’m willing to risk not being protected?”
“Why would you do that?” he asks, his voice catching.
“Because I like you too,” I say, “and I’m getting sick of some ancestral pact running my life.”
There’s sadness etched across his face as he says, “I can’t run from who I am any more than you can. I’ll just have to figure out a way to stop having these feelings.” He pauses and says, “I just thought I owed you an explanation.”
Without another word, he walks back up the hill and gets into his Jeep. I stay glued to the spot as he guns the engine and comes down my driveway to where I’m standing. “Get in,” he says as he pulls up alongside me.
“I’m okay walking,” I say, trying not to think of the first time I climbed into his car, when electricity crackled between us and anything felt possible. It feels like an eternity has passed since then.
“Eveny, you know I have to keep an eye on you. It’ll be a lot easier if you’re in my passenger seat.”
“Fine,” I say after a minute, climbing into his car and slamming the door behind me.
We ride the rest of the way to school in silence, and when he drops me off in the parking lot, he says that he has to go.
“Go where?” I ask, surprised.