“I’m not confused.”
“Even so, I’m her nanny, still.”
“She thinks you’d make a great mommy.”
Michelle grinned. “She said that?”
“Her exact words.” His eyes softened as he gazed into hers. “And I agree. It’s just that—” He closed his eyes and sighed.
“What?”
“I learned something in D.C.” He paused and took a deep slow breath. “You remember I told you Cassie and I were on our way home from a birthday party in Manchester the night she was killed?”
Michelle nodded, remembering too well the pain in his voice as he’d confided in her the first day on the job.
“Well, we were arguing about a conversation I overheard between her and Clayton—the birthday boy who used to be one of my best friends and colleague. He was telling her to tell me the truth because he couldn’t lie to me anymore.”
Michelle was not going to ask if they were having an affair. She didn’t want to know. “You don’t have to tell me, Erik.”
“They weren’t having an affair,” he voiced her thoughts. “I accused them of it, though. I was badgering Cassie to either deny or admit the affair. I mean, what else was I to think?” He sighed again. “I should have known Cassie well enough to know she would never do something like that. But I was blinded by jealousy. After she died, I asked Clayton to tell me what the secret was, but he refused. Then he resigned from the hospital and went to Africa.”#p#分页标题#e#
Michelle watched him closely, wondering what else besides an affair his wife could have done. It got so quiet in the room, she could hear the ticking of his watch on the bureau, four feet away.
He wiped a hand slowly down his face. “Clayton was at the convention in D.C. I was not leaving without answers. He finally told me that Cassie had her tubes tied after Precious was born. He said he kept quiet after she died because he thought the truth would hurt me even more.”
Michelle gasped in shock. No wonder he’d tossed his wedding band in the Potomac River. “You had no idea?”
He shook his head.
“Why would she do something like that?”
“A while ago, my mother told me that before we were married, Cassie saw a psychic who told her she’d die young.”
“Oh my gosh, Erik.”
“Apparently it was to happen in childbirth.” He snickered sarcastically, and Michelle knew it was to cover his pain, his guilt. “I wanted to start a family immediately after we were married, but she wanted to wait. It took three years of begging before she agreed to have Precious.” His chest heaved on another sigh. “She didn’t trust me enough to confide in me, so she had her tubes tied. And for five more years, she laid in my bed and made love with me, listening to me go on and on about having more children, knowing she could not give them to me, and not saying a word.” Anger and betrayal were evident in his voice and eyes.
“I can’t imagine what it’s like to have somebody you love lie to you like that,” Michelle said in an attempt to comfort him. “My little fib about my father was eating me up inside. I’m so grateful you forgave me for lying to you.”
Thinking about the irony of the matter, Erik shook his head. The thing is, if Cassie hadn’t deceived him, there would’ve been no secret, no conversation between her and Clayton for him to overhear, no suspicions, no fight in the car, no hopping out into the road at the very moment that drunk came along. And there would have been no Michelle.
“I don’t know if I would have forgiven Cassie if she’d told me the truth that night,” he said, stroking his hand up and down Michelle’s arm. “I don’t know if I could have stayed with her, even if I’d forgiven her. Maybe our love would have survived it. I don’t know. One thing I do know for certain is that I loved her and I did not want her dead.” His voice shook with sorrow. “Precious should not have had to suffer the loss of her mother. She should not have to grow up without her. That’s my biggest regret in all of this.”
Michelle stretched out beside him and laid her head on his chest. His heart beat heavily beneath her ears. His pain became hers. He’d been deceived by the woman he’d shared his life with. It would be hard for him to trust another woman again. Even her, who brought him so much pleasure.
So what if he didn’t remember yelling out his love in the heat of passion last night? The knowledge was alive in her heart. And just a minute ago, if she dared be presumptuous, he’d spoken of his love for Cassie in the past tense.