As he gazed at Michelle talking so naturally and easily with his daughter, Erik wondered about his choice. Was he trying to impress her? And why? They were sitting around a dinner table like some normal happy family. He at the head, Michelle at the foot, and Precious across from him—the way it used to be when Cassie was alive. It was a good feeling. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this… well, content. He could say it’s because Michelle had made Precious laugh. But Michelle had made him laugh, too. Really laugh.
He’d been closed and guarded for the past two years, and when he’d let his guard down this afternoon, he’d rediscovered something he lost the night Cassie died—his vulnerability. The thought of opening up himself and letting someone in both scared and thrilled him.
As the conversation about diplomas wound down, Erik caught Michelle’s gaze. “Why aren’t you eating?” he asked. She’d been twirling the stew around in the bowl since they sat down. He was on his second helping of the delicious stew and Precious was almost finished her first. Michelle had eaten two slices of sourdough bread, and two servings of the garden salad, but she hadn’t taken one single bite of the stew. “Is it not to your liking?”
“I don’t eat red meat,” she said.
“Are you a vegetarian?”
“No, I just don’t eat beef.” She set the spoon down, seemingly relieved that she didn’t have to pretend anymore.
“Is there a specific reason you don’t eat beef?”
“Calvin.”
A cold chill ran up and down Erik’s spine. Was Calvin her boyfriend? He’d forgotten to ask her if she were currently involved with anyone. He’d asked for someone older to avoid a repeat of the nanny taking off when she decided to start her own family. He didn’t want his daughter disappointed again. He took a quick glance at her and recalled the excitement with which she’d shared the stories of her afternoon with Michelle. She was already in deep.#p#分页标题#e#
He’d been so distracted by the effect Michelle had on him, he’d forgotten to ask her the most important question of the day. He couldn’t very well ask her if she had a boyfriend in front of his daughter, so he asked, as placidly as he could, “Who’s Calvin?”
A slow smile broke across her lips as if she knew the real question plaguing him. “A bull calf. Like in cattle.”
Calvin was a bull. Erik let out his breath. “Where did you meet, uh—Calvin?”
“A few years ago, I stayed on a farm that my friend’s family owned. I got very attached to this one bull that I named Calvin. He had the most pitiful eyes, like he knew what would happen to him. I used to wish I had a house with a big back yard so I could adopt him. I promised him that as long as I lived, I would never eat beef again. For a long time after I left the farm, every time I smelled burgers or steaks cooking, I would think of him.”
“Yuck!” Precious dropped her spoon and spat a mouthful of stew back into her bowl.
“Precious, mind your manners,” Erik said.
“But we could have just eaten Calvin, Daddy.”
Michelle shook her head hastily. Her conviction was hers alone. She had no wish to convince Precious or anyone else to adopt her belief. “No baby,” she said smiling at the little girl. “Calvin was rescued by a nice man who took him far away to another farm where he fell in love with a beautiful cow named Izzy.”
“That’s sweet,” Precious said. “And they had lots and lots of baby cows and lived happily ever after, just like Cinderella and the Prince.”
“Just like Cinderella,” Michelle acquiesced, relieved at Precious’ naivety. She really had to watch what she said around the child. She was hired to babysit her, not indoctrinate her.
“How many babies did they have?” Precious asked, biting into a slice of bread.
“Well, I’d say...”
Feeling quite uncomfortable with talk about love, babies, and happily ever after, Erik tried to tune out the exchange between his daughter and Michelle. Love, babies, and forever was what he’d hoped for when he married Cassie.
If it hadn’t been for that drunk...
Well, he didn’t know that exactly. They never had the opportunity to resolve their last fight that night. He had no idea what he would have done if Cassie had confirmed his suspicions about her.
He couldn’t understand why people who claim to be in love lied, betrayed, and inflicted pain on each other. Love made you vulnerable. He’d been vulnerable to Cassie. He loved her more then he’d ever loved anyone, would ever love anyone again. Was that love strong enough to weather the storm of his suspicions, though? He would never know. All he knew was that he would never make himself that vulnerable to anyone, ever again.