"It's right down the hallway, sweetheart, up there on the right. Are you okay? Do you need some help?"
"No, thank you. I'm fine. I'm just tired."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm really fine."
Now I had to wait as the nurse reluctantly moved on about her business. Finally, finally, the path was clear. I made my way shakily towards the bathroom the concerned nurse had pointed out, grateful for the peace it promised. I almost made it, too. Almost.
"Kayla. Interesting choice of company you're keeping these days."
I almost screamed, had to clamp my hands over my mouth in order to keep myself quiet. My nerves were pretty much shot at this point and having Dr. Johnson pop back out at me from seemingly nowhere absolutely was not helping. If I hadn't have already felt sick I definitely would have after this unwelcome surprise.
"Dr. Johnson, I thought you had left."
"Did you? Interesting. I would have thought you would expect me to wait for a chance to speak to you, in light of the fact that you have opted not to answer or return any of my phone calls."
"I've been busy."
"Yes," he said with a disgusted snort, "it seems that you have. Like I said, interesting company."
"Look, you're the one who wanted me to apply to be his nanny in the first place. How can you actually be surprised to see us together?"
"You're right, I shouldn't. Let me clarify. Interesting to see the two of you holding hands. I didn't realize the two of you had become so cozy. You must take this under cover thing pretty seriously."
The way he said it made me feel dirty, cheap. Only a few minutes ago I had been over the moon about that unbelievable kiss from David and giddy just at the thought of what might be there between us in the future. Now I didn't know what to feel. I felt like I had been tossed into a game I didn't understand with two entirely different and conflicting sets of directions. I just wanted this to be over.
"What is it that you want, Dr. Johnson?"
"What do I want? I want to know what sort of progress you're making. I want to know that you haven't given up everything we've worked for just so you can sleep with the enemy."
"Don't talk about me like that, doctor. I don't belong to you."
"Clearly."
"And maybe he's not the enemy. Did you ever think of that? Maybe he just isn't what you think he is."
If we hadn't been in a hospital I think he would have spit on the floor. That's how disgusted he looked by what I had just said. He moved closer to me and it took everything I had not to back up in response. I wasn't going to give him that kind of satisfaction, no matter how much I disliked the situation I was in.
"No, Kayla, that is where you're wrong. He is absolutely the enemy. He is exactly what I think he is. Have you forgotten what he let happen? What he did to your sister?"
"You don't know that! You don't have any evidence, any proof."
"You're right" he hissed, "I don't. That's what you're for. I need you to find evidence of his nasty little habits. Those little habits are making him unsafe, unfit for his profession, and I mean to see him taken down."
I wanted so badly to turn my brain off so I wouldn't have to hear what he was saying. I didn't want it to be true, but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about that little bottle of pills. That was the little habit Dr. Johnson was talking about and I could see David slipping it into his pocket over and over again, on a loop that wouldn't stop running. I knew why he had them but how many of them was he taking? Was he high on them when he made the decisions that killed my sister? Was he really that irresponsible and I just couldn't see it anymore because I was invested in him now?
"Kayla!"
Little feet came pounding up the hallway behind me without sounding like there was any intention of slowing down. I felt her body collide with my legs and her arms hook around my calves. Her hot little face buried itself in my skin, her hair tickling the space just below my dress. I reached down to pat her on the head and she slid around to stand directly in front of me. It was so silly, but I felt better with her there. I felt safer somehow.
"Hey, sweetie, you get your lollipop?"
"Yup! The cherry kind. It was okay."
"Just okay?"
"Too sticky I guess. Who's the man?"
I looked back to Dr. Johnson and saw that he was giving what he must have thought was a friendly look. From the look Kayla gave him back, she was not impressed.
"This man is Dr. Johnson. He's someone who works with your dad."
"Like friends?"
"No, not like friends. They just work together."
"I don't like him."
"Kayla! You can't talk to people like that. It isn't polite, is it?"
"No." She didn't look like she cared all that much and I had to fake a cough to keep from laughing. I didn't want to teach her bad manners but I couldn't say I disagreed with her.
"It's okay, I know children can be shy of strangers."
"Sure, that's true. Anyway, it was nice to meet you, doctor. I need to get this little girl home and give her a real treat. Something better than that cherry lollipop."
It was true, I had promised David I would get Sophie home, but I was also desperate for any reason to escape George Johnson. Standing there with him made my skin crawl and I couldn't get away from him and out of this hospital fast enough.
"Of course, I understand. Have a lovely day."
We started off down the hallway, me not even caring if we were headed in the right direction. The further away we got from that confrontation the better I could breath. Now if only I could get his words out of my head. If only I could stop thinking about that little "habit" rattling away in David's pocket.
***
"So did you girls enjoy the rest of your day?"
David was finally at home and I wanted it to be enough to calm my fears and doubts. I wanted so badly to go back to the way things felt when we were in his office and he was kissing me for the first time. That kiss felt like it lasted for centuries and yet only a second. It made time stop and nothing else had mattered. But then the kissed stopped and Dr. Johnson happened and things had gone back to making not a bit of sense.
I was beyond confused. I kept thinking about Yvonne's advice to just let the revenge thing go and enjoy liking him. She was probably right and I knew it, but it was a whole lot easier said than done. How could I just shut my eyes and ignore the possibility that David was hurting his patients? Even if the possibility was tiny, wasn't it my responsibility to do something about it, to see if it was true?
"Earth to Kayla."
"Sorry, David," I said with a shaky laugh, "I guess it was just sort of a crazy day. I think I just need a break. Maybe a long, hot bath would do the trick."
He moved towards the kitchen table where I sat perched and put his hands around the back of my neck. I could feel his strong, sure fingers massaging the tense muscles and I shut my eyes, wanting to think of only this. It would make things so much simpler, for everyone. Everyone but George Johnson, but he was making himself more and more unlikable with every interaction.
"I'm sorry, I've been insensitive. You just make things seem so flawless that I think I forgot how stressful they could still be. You have absolutely earned a bath. In fact, I insist on it. Doctor's orders."
"Thank you, David. I can make dinner afterwards."
"No, don't worry about that. I can make the dinner."
I raised one eyebrow at him at the same time that Sophie called out "yuck" from the hallway. We both laughed at the same time and David shook his head with mock sadness.
"Alright, alright, I get it. I seem to have proved my ineptitude in the kitchen. How about this. I will find something outstanding to order in. You can use the master bathroom upstairs. The tub there is a whole lot better than the one in the guest apartment. By the time you're good and relaxed the food will be here without you ever having to lift a finger. What do you think? Did I do good?"
"Yes, you did good."
He smiled down at me and I couldn't help but smile back. Something in his face just looked so hopeful, like he was genuinely excited by the prospect of a night of takeout with me and his daughter. It was hard not to like a man like that, especially when it came in such an attractive package.