That made me laugh. Leave it to Yvonne to make things seem so simple. Just like I knew she would be, she was the voice of reason.
"How do you figure?"
She leaned forward, looking at me with smiling eyes and taking my slightly shaking hands into her own. My friend would tell me what was right. I could trust her even when I couldn't trust myself.
"You like him, right? So then do it. Like him. Forget about all of the rest of it. Girl, you've had a shit year and this spy crap was only ever going to make it more shit. This could be something good. Finally the good you need. What's the point in revenge anyway? I mean at the end of it? You're going to make yourself sick with it. Let it go and just have fun. Just like him."
My eyes filled spontaneously with tears. It was so silly to react like that, but that advice? I needed to hear it, badly it would seem. I didn't exactly know how to follow through on it but I was willing to give it a try. I wanted to see what might happen if I could just let go of a little bit of that weight I had been carrying around for what felt like forever.
"You know what? Sometimes I think you give better advice than Oprah."
"Shit! You know I do."
I started to laugh but it was cut short. I had gotten distracted by our conversation. I had let myself get completely caught up in my confusion and my feelings for David and I had quit watching after Sophie as well as I should have, the worst kind of mistake you could make with a young child. The sound of her wailing was what stopped my laughter.
Both Yvonne and I snapped to attention. Being kindergarten teachers gave us a special kind of radar to the sound of a distressed child and we were primed to discover the source of the cries. When I saw that it was Sophie I bolted up and off of the bench, sprinted towards Sophie and knelt down beside her.
"What happened, sweet girl, are you alright?"
She couldn't even answer me at first. Her chubby pink face was crumpled into a fit of tears, her little hands balled up in fists of anguish and anger. Little children were like that with every injury, as if each one was the catastrophic end, and I couldn't tell how badly injured she was. That was what was scaring me. I couldn't tell if she was crying because she was really hurt or if she was just upset.
"Sophie, honey, I need you to try and talk to me. I know you're upset but if you can tell me what's happening I'll do my very best to try and help. I promise I will."
"It's my leg. My legs all messed up. Do you think it's broke?"
There it was again, that question. This girl always thought something was broken, every time she was hurt. I wondered if it had anything to with what I now knew had happened to her and her family when she was so young. Maybe some part of her remembered that trauma and it made her more afraid than she would otherwise have been. Or maybe she was really hurt.
"I don't know, sugar, let me look at it."
"This one, it's this one here."
She stuck her leg out for me to look at. I knew I wasn't all that qualified to assess her injury but I could tell that it wasn't broken. There was a pretty nasty gash though, and I took a handkerchief out of the purse slung across my body. Every time I tried to wipe away the blood to see how deep the cut was it just returned with a vengeance. I honestly had no clue if she needed to get stitches or not.
"Well, I don't think it's broken, sugar, but I can't tell exactly what's going on. Maybe we should take you in to see your dad, what do you think?"
"Yup. He knows more than you."
Despite my concern over the blood flowing freely from Sophie's cut, I had to laugh. She was right, when it came to situations like this David definitely knew more than I did. Besides, Sophie was his daughter and I thought he deserved to check her out for himself, make sure everything was alright.
There was also that small part of me that wanted to go just to see him again. I had been struggling with my feelings for him since before I even recognized what was going on inside of me. Now that Yvonne had helped me to admit that I had feelings for David and that it was okay, I wanted to be near him as soon as possible. Even the thought of seeing him made me feel giddy, weak in the knees.
"Yvonne, looks like we're going to have to cut this outing short. We seem to have an injury on our hands."
While I was down on the ground speaking to Sophie, Yvonne had come up behind us, also intent on making sure she wasn't badly hurt. Now, as I stood up with Sophie in my arms, Yvonne clucked her tongue in a motherly kind of sympathy.
"Poor little thing, that looks like a nasty gash you got there. But you're a brave girl, right?"
"I think so."
"You look like it to me."
"I am."
"Good. Now you go with Kayla and get that looked at by your daddy and he can see how brave you are, too. Think you can do that?"
"Mhm."
"Good girl. Now you take her to that doctor of yours, and don't wait so long to call me next time, you understand me? Don't think I was joking about calling the cops. You know I'm crazy enough to do that."
"Yes," I laughed breathlessly, "that I do know. Love you, friend."
"Love you, too. Now get a move on it!"
I hefted Sophie up on one hip and nodded. I needed to get us into a cab and to the hospital as quickly as possible. One, so that I could get Sophie looked at and calmed down. Two, because if I waited too terribly long I was pretty sure I would chicken out. This was the same hospital my sister went into and never came back out of. I hadn't set foot in that hospital since the day she died and the idea of doing so made me uneasy, slightly sick to my stomach. What would it be like to see David in that environment again? Would it change the way I felt about him? Would he turn back into that monster who neglected my sister and let her die?
But Sophie had begun to cry again against my shoulder and the weight of her four-year-old body was starting to take its toll on my back and my shoulders. I didn't have time to think it over any longer. I just had to move, put one foot in front of the other until I got us through the front door.
"Alright, Sophie bear, let's go on an adventure."
Chapter Nine
David
"Alright, sweet girl, we're here. You ready?"
I was asking Sophie but the question was as much for myself as anything else. It was even harder than I had expected it to be. Standing in front of this large, unforgiving metal structure I felt my heartbeat begin to speed up to an alarming rate. This was the place where she went for help. This was the place where I lost her. How many other people were going to lose the ones they loved today? How many people went in with hope but never came out again?
"It's okay, Kayla."
I looked down at Kayla, whose earnest face was turned towards mine with a look of concern. Children were amazing like that. They could feel your emotions, read your distress like a book. Here she was with an alarmingly dirty and still bleeding cut and Sophie was trying to comfort me. What a fantastic little girl she was.
"I know it is, sweetie. Besides, I'm supposed to tell you that!"
"Okay," she nodded with a serious expression and furrowed brow, "let's help each other."
"Okay. Let's do it."
And then it was time to go in. There was no use in standing in front of the hospital all day. That wasn't going to get any cuts cleared up.
"It's floor number seven."
Sophie spoke with an authoritative voice and it was clear that this was her realm. She felt like she was in charge here and I was more than happy to let her take the lead. Now that we were actually in the hospital I realized that there might be more to worry about than just my feelings.
I had spent a whole lot of time in here while Nikki was sick. The nurses had been so friendly, so sweet. What if they remembered me now? What if they said something, exposed me for who I really was? I got into the elevator feeling slightly light headed and hoping that holding Sophie in my arms would be enough of a disguise to throw people off.
"That way!"
So far, so good. We made our way through the maze of corridors, Sophie pointing out our way with a certainty that allowed me to refrain from asking a nurse for help. That was good. That was better than what I could have reasonably hoped for. Before I really expected it or was ready, we stood in front of Dr. David Wyatt's office.
It looked so important, so official. It made me feel like a little girl snooping some place where I really shouldn't be. What if he was angry that she was hurt or that I brought her here to interrupt his work? Even worse, what if he wasn't even in there and I had to wander around searching for him?