"I want to be. I try to be. My brother was always better. I think he could have been truly great, had he been allowed to be."
"What do you mean?"
"My brother died as well. He was my younger brother and he drove me crazy. I loved him so much it still hurts."
"What happened?" I whispered, not entirely sure I wanted to hear the answer.
"We went on a camping trip. It was Mikey, his wife, Anna, Sophie and me. There was a car accident and neither Mikey nor Anna made it out. I injured my leg pretty badly but thank god Sophie wasn't hurt. That's when I took her. She's Mikey's daughter but I want so badly to raise her like she's my own. I love her, you know?"
"Yes. I can see that. I'm sorry, David, I really am. I had no idea."
"How could you? It feels good to talk about it with someone, actually. My mother won't allow it. In her world it's like Mikey never existed at all."
"That's so sad."
"That's my mother."
I didn't know what else to say. I had been so consumed by my own family and grief that it had never occurred to me that David might be suffering as well. So much about him and his relationship with Sophie appeared differently to me now. It amazed me that he was so dedicated to being her father. It was hard not to respect him for the way he was trying to pick up the pieces for her.
"You know what? This has been an exhausting day. I think I'm going to head off to bed. But I meant what I said, Kayla. I enjoyed talking to you. I think I needed it."
He gave me a sad, tired smile and stood up with a slight grimace. As he walked towards the stairs I was struck by a sudden urge to yell out for him to come back, to tell him everything about who I actually was and why I was here. I couldn't, though. I couldn't even get out a squeak of a goodbye. It felt as if I no longer had words.
Chapter Seven
David
"Shit," I muttered under my breath, hoping that there were no little ears nearby to hear my profane speech. That was something that I still wasn't used to. Maybe it was easier when you had a baby of your own. You could practice watching your words while they were babies and didn't understand any of it. Too bad. I had a four-year-old and the last thing I wanted was for her to walk around saying "shit" to anyone who would listen.
"Eggs, eggs, where are the eggs in this thing?"
I felt nervous, flustered in a way I couldn't remember feeling since realizing I had my first crush on a girl. It was a kind of dazed sensation, partly sick and partly sweet all churning around inside of me at the same time.
I couldn't believe that I had spoken to Kayla like that. There were people I had known decades who had never had that much insight into what was going on in my head. There was just something about her. Looking at her made me feel excited and just a little bit terrified.
Having her in my house day in and day out made it feel more like home than it ever had before. She managed to walk the line between exotic and familiar all at the same time. I hadn't even known a woman could do that. Add to that how great she was with Sophie and I couldn't imagine her not being around for a long, long time. I wanted her badly, more so than I had wanted any woman I had met before.
"What you got going on there? Going on a little excavation?"
"Christ! You startled me. Yes, I guess you could call it that. Turns out I can't find eggs in my own refrigerator. Go figure, right?"
"Here," Kayla said with a light giggle, "let me help you before you get so lost you never find your way back."
She came towards me and wormed her way in beside me to rummage through the fridge. It was a big enough fridge but still a tight fit for two people. I could feel the warmth of her chocolate colored skin seeping into my arm and the warm scent of vanilla wafting up to greet me. She was still in her flannel pajamas and her hair was messy from a night's sleep. I wanted to touch her, to smooth down that hair and see if her skin was as soft as I thought it would be. God, I wanted her. It was getting increasingly difficult to deny it to myself.
"David? Did you get enough sleep last night?"
"I think so. How come?"
"Because," she said with a warm voice, "the eggs are literally right in front of your face. You don't cook much, do you?"
"I know my way around the kitchen."
"Oh really?"
"Really! And I'm going to show you. Why don't you have a seat, little lady, and watch the magic happen. This morning I'm going to cook the breakfast. To make up for the way I ran out the other day. How does that sound?"
"Alright, give it a shot."
Little lady? Watch the magic happen? What was I doing? I wasn't exactly a playboy but I usually had a little bit more charm than this. The more I realized that I wanted Kayla for more than just a nanny the more foolish I felt around her. I inhaled deeply and briefly shut my eyes, attempting to regroup. It was time for me to make some breakfast and I was hoping not to set the kitchen on fire.
"Daddy! Whatcha doing?"
"Cooking?"
"But why?"
Well that settled it. If I hadn't already taken care of it, Sophie had just made it loud and clear that cooking was not my forte. I had to laugh. The honesty of children definitely kept us honest as adults. There was no denying that.
"Because I wanted to do something nice for you and Kayla. I thought it might be kind of special."
"But what if it's icky?"
"Ha! It might be, sweetie. Can you tell that I don't make a lot of eggs?"
"You make no eggs."
Kayla clucked her tongue and gave Sophie a look telling her that she wasn't exactly being polite. Sophie shrugged her shoulders and went to stand in front of the little kitchenette set Kayla had moved in for her. She seemed perplexed as to why nobody else understood how much peril her breakfast was is and the expression on her face made me laugh. Kayla joined and then gently removed the still unopened carton of eggs from my hands.
"Can I help you?"
"But then I won't be making you breakfast."
"That's true, but I love to cook. So if you look at it that way it's almost like you're giving me a gift."
She raised her eyebrow in a comical expression and I sighed and relinquished the eggs. As I did her hand brushed against mine. I pulled back quickly with a feeling of surprise. That small amount of contact had been like an electric shock moving through my body. She was every bit as soft as I had imagined, soft and warm. For a terrifying moment I thought I was going to kiss her. It would be a ridiculous thing to do, maybe even catastrophic. She hadn't given me any signals that she was interested in me. She was just being friendly, for god's sake.
"Alright, alright. I can tell when I've been beat. No man can stand up against the wishes of two women."
"Nope!"
Kayla and I both glanced at Sophie and tried our best not to laugh. How like a little adult she was, with a perfectly formed and unique personality. How like Mikey she was, the funny little looks she made or the intonation of her voice. For the first time since coming to live with me I felt like she was on her way to thriving. I finally felt like Mikey would be happy if he could see her now and I was sure that it was mostly due to Kayla.
"Okay, breakfast is up!"
Kayla moved expertly towards the breakfast table, balancing several dishes on her arms.
"That's an impressive feat," I teased her, trying to hold Sophie back as she hopped back and forth and tried to help.
"I used to wait tables. I've got some pretty impressive moves."
"I don't doubt it."
"What's the foods?"
"Right! The most important information of all. We've got scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes. I figured you should still get your pancakes, David, even if you had to bail on the last batch."
"Well, thank you. That's very sweet."
I felt silly but it really did strike me as sweet. Thoughtful. She was such a charming woman. I didn't even like eggs, not really, but I would eat hers. I had a feeling I would eat pretty much anything she put in front of me.
"Napkin?"
"Tucked!"
"Fork?"
"Ready!"
"Well, then, Sophie girl, I believe it is time to dig in."
They amazed me. In very little time they had developed a rapport, a routine that made it seem like they were family. It was satisfying to see. I had made the right decision in hiring her. I had finally done something right here.