The Doctor's Fake Nanny(11)

Sophie looked up at the surround sound speakers, listening intently to  the sound of the crooning voice falling gently down upon us.



"I like him," she said matter of factly before going back to playing  whatever make believe game she had got up to. It made me smile to hear  how decisive she was. It made things seem so black and white, like you  could just decide something was good and that made it so. It would be so  nice if life was really like that.



"I like him too."



I turned around with a start. I hadn't heard David come in, but now he  was standing in the doorway behind us, watching the two of us intently  while balancing three bowls of ice cream in his hands. He had the  funniest look on his face and it made my stomach do a little flip. He  was making me nervous. The way he was looking at me, it felt like he was  really looking. Not a lot of people do that. It was both exciting and  terrifying at the same time.



"Excellent! We're in agreement, then!"



"You're funny right now. Silly."

Sophie giggled, watching David's face raptly. It was just about the  sweetest thing I had seen in a long while, her watching him that way. In  this moment he was like her version of Superman, just for having ice  cream and a silly expression. This was what she needed from him. Just to  feel like he really loved her.



"As a matter of fact, I am feeling kind of silly right now. Can I tell you a little secret?"



"Ooooh, yup. You can!"



David walked past me into the living room to set the dessert down and  sit beside Sophie. As he passed I could smell his cologne, something  spicy and woodsy that made my heart race. I could feel the warmth coming  off of his body and, to my rising horror, I had to fight the urge to  reach out and touch his strong arm. What was wrong me? These were  definitely not the results I had been looking for in coming here and  taking this job. If I wasn't careful I was going to get myself into some  real trouble.



"Come here. Come real, real close."



"Okay, okay, what's the secret?"



"I don't like it when my mother comes for dinner. I don't like it at all."



"Me either! Mean Grandma!"



Sophie started hopping around excitedly from foot to foot and David  looked at me with a face full of laughter and an "I didn't do it" shrug  of the shoulders.



"Well, the kid's got opinions. That can only be a good thing, right?"



"Right," I said, helpless to do anything but return his grin. Maybe I  should have tried to tell them to be nicer about Dr. Elizabeth, but what  was the point? They wouldn't be saying any of this stuff if she hadn't  been so horrible.



"Dance with me, Daddy! I want to hop on the feet!"



I froze. Everything had finally felt good and light hearted in this  house for once but I was more than a little bit worried that it was all  about to come to a crashing halt. The last time I heard Sophie call  David daddy he had shown the strangest reaction, something I could never  have predicted and couldn't possibly explain. I held my breath while I  waited to see what he would do this time. Would he rebuff her a second  time or would jovial mood work in Sophie's favor?

"Of course, sweetie. You have to dance to Sinatra. It's one of the rules!"



"The rules of who?"



"The rules of life!"



Sophie laughed excitedly and David picked her up, kissing her flushed  little forehead and chubby cheeks. I had never seen him be even remotely  affectionate with her, just intermittently awkward and distant. I felt  hot tears begin to sting the corners of my eyes. I couldn't help it.  This was love. This was what it was supposed to look like, to feel like.  David was surprising me more and more, and all in really good ways.                       
       
           



       



"Dance, Kayla! It's a rule!"



Sophie now had her small feet planted firmly on top of David's as he  danced her around the room. When she spoke they both looked at me,  Sophie with an expression of expectation and David with a look I  couldn't quite read. He looked almost nervous but that couldn't be  right. What on earth did he have to be nervous about?



"No, sweetie, no dancing for me."



"But you have to. Rules are rules!"



I had to laugh at that. It wasn't every day that I was told by a  four-year-old that I was expected to follow the rules. I couldn't go  through with it though. Suddenly I felt very shy and flustered. I knew  that if I tried to attempt any kind of dance moves I was probably going  to make a complete fool out of myself.



"Nope. I want to eat my ice cream. It's going to melt!"



"Ice cream!"



Thank god. That was enough to distract her. She immediately hopped off  of David's now thoroughly scuffed shoes and grabbed her bowl up,  spooning the sloppy dessert greedily into her mouth. David still stood  there and extended a hand in my direction.



"You sure you don't want to dance?"



"Ice cream, David. It's just too good."



"Alright, alright. I know when I've been defeated. Ice cream it is."



David joined us on the floor and took up his spoon. His expression was  friendly and mild. I honestly had no idea if he had really wanted to  dance with me or if he was just teasing, seeing if he could get a rise  out of me. But what if he had wanted to? Why in the world would he want  to dance with me? I was just the nanny.



***



"Did she get to sleep?"



"Man, she did, but let me tell you that was not the easiest thing I've  ever done. Maybe ice cream before bed wasn't such a good idea. That  little girl can do some talking!"



"That she can." David laughed. "She has a whole lot she wants to say."



"But she's sleeping just fine right now and she looks happier than she  has since I came here. You did good tonight, David. It may be totally  out of line for me to say that but you really did."



"Thank you."



He spoke so quietly that I could hardly hear him and I started to get  concerned that I had gone too far. I wasn't his friend, after all. He  was my employer. I shouldn't be getting so involved with this, with him.



"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I apologize."



"No, no, please don't do that. I meant it, thank you. I guess I need to hear that sometimes."



"Well, good. She needed it, too, I think. Everything but the sweets."



"Ha! Yes, we'll have to keep that to a minimum."



There was an awkward tension in the air I couldn't quite figure out.  David looked like he was unsure of something and my curiosity would not  let it go.



"What is it?"



"Can I ask you something, Kayla? With the understanding that you can  absolutely decline to answer if you aren't comfortable with the  question."

"Okay, that's fine. I think."



"You mentioned your sister earlier. You said Sinatra was one of her  favorites. Was one of her favorites. Did something happen to her?"



I wanted to punch him and throw up all at the same time. Somehow I had  never pictured having a conversation like this with David. I should  have. I definitely should have seen it coming, but I simply hadn't. Fool  me once, right?



"Yes, something happened to her. She passed away."



"Shit. I'm very sorry to hear that, Kayla. When did it happen?"



"Three months ago. She had heart trouble, she had it all of her life. I  thought she would get better. I really believed that, right up until the  day she died."



"I wish I knew you then. I wish I could have done something to help her."



My mouth tasted like it was full of metal. Even though I knew he hadn't  ever figured out that he was right in recognizing me it still shocked me  to hear that he honestly didn't know who I was, who my sister was.  Sure, of course, he must have had hundreds of patients just like her,  but how could he just forget them? They might not mean a whole hell of a  lot to him but they did to their families. Just like Nikki had been the  light in my world.



"Do you think you're a good doctor?"



"What? Why do you ask?"



"I'm just curious. My sister's doctor didn't really care about his  patients. He didn't have a clue who they were and he thought his world  and his opinions were more important than anyone else's. So do you think  you're a good doctor?"                       
       
           



       



I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel as badly as I did. The only  problem was that when I looked at his stricken face and eyes shining  with unshed tears it kind of broke my heart. I was torn between my anger  at him for my sister and my growing feelings for him as I got to know  him. I almost wanted to take my question back but there was nothing I  could do. It was already out there, hanging in the air like a fog.