The Dirty Series 1(115)

I break off when I realize Alec is shaking his head and stifling laughter.

“What’s so funny?” I say, the smile dying from my face.

“You can’t get a job. That’s an absurd idea.”

I’m immediately on the defensive. “It’s not an absurd idea. I had a job for years before I met you.”

“No, I’m saying, you’re not allowed to have a job while you’re here. Guests of the royal household aren’t permitted to work—by law.”

“What? Why?”

Alec waves his hand as though the reason doesn’t matter. “It has to do with corruption and influence. When the country was founded, King Edward wanted to be sure that anyone who was living and working closely with the king or queen wouldn’t be susceptible to being influenced by private businesses.”

“I don’t have any sway over you or your father. I practically never see you.”

“You have plenty to do here, anyway. You don’t need to work in the city.”

Anger rises up forming a dagger in my chest. “Oh, is that right? You just expect me to sit around all day attending etiquette seminars and smiling at cameras and waiting for you to come around whenever you have a spare second you can waste on me?”

Alec’s eyes flash with his own fury. “What, is living in a fucking palace not good enough for you? Wait, I understand it—back in the United States, you got a front-row seat to watch your rich friends play their games. Now that you’re feeling some of the responsibility that goes with it, you’re going to complain. Ceaselessly.”

“That’s not fair,” I spit, tossing the sheets back and rising out of bed. I’m not going to have this kind of argument while I’m naked and vulnerable. I pull the purple robe off the floor and shrug it over my shoulders, wishing I’d had time to pack more of my own things so I wouldn’t have to rely so completely on Alec.

“Isn’t it?” he says, his tone only slightly softer. “You seem to have a problem with the way things are here.” Alec sits up against the pillows and looks away toward the dresser, his eyes far away for a moment.

I take a deep breath in, trying to quell my anger. Emotions are obviously running too goddamn high. This isn’t who we are. I know it’s not. More than that, I love him. Even when I’m fucking pissed, I love him.

I open my mouth to tell him that, to ask if we can start this conversation over from the beginning, when he looks at me and deals the fatal blow.

“Maybe it would be best if you went back to New York for a while.”





Chapter Thirty-Six





Alec



Jessica isn’t some delicate fucking flower. She’s handled things in her life, and I know it. I don’t have to hear all the details about her time with Michael to know that it was hard for her to get away from him and then even harder to take a risk on getting involved with someone like me.

So I know she can handle a heated argument or two. I know she can hold her own.

It’s not even that I want to test her. I don’t. I don’t want it to come to that, goddamn it. I don’t need it to come to that.

I’m just exhausted.

Physically and mentally.

I’m stretched thin, so thin that I’m about to snap. My older brother is dead. I have to replace him as the crown prince, even though I never wanted that role—not really, anyway, aside from childish envy when I was young. Now that I understand what comes with the title, I don’t want it.

I also can’t let my father down. I’m the only real family he has left. We don’t always get to choose how we’re going to spend our lives. It might seem like I’m unbelievably lucky to be a prince, but it’s a heavy fucking burden. Heavier than anyone can imagine.

That’s what I’m thinking about during the pause in our tiff as Jessica’s jaw moves up and down. She’s talking, but I’m not even aware of what she’s saying.

It’s not a much lighter burden to be with someone like me.

To have your life planned out for you just because you happen to love someone in the public eye.

Jessica didn’t know that when we first met. We were playing that stupid, reckless, no-strings-attached game. We should have realized it could only backfire. I should have known that the moment I saw her and my heart practically stopped. One look was all it took. I went ahead with it anyway. I couldn’t have resisted if I had wanted to.

I’ve spent too long being childish, being aggressive, being selfish.

Of course, in typical goddamn fashion, I’ve only been trying to fix it in one area of my life.

I must be a letdown to Jessica every single day. She’s essentially alone here, and I’ve done nothing to mitigate the loss of her friends.