The Dinosaur Feather(130)

Karen joined Anna at the table while she ate her breakfast. Lily went back to play in her room. Karen had made coffee. It tasted heavenly.

“What’s behind that door?” Karen asked, pointing over Anna’s shoulder. Anna swallowed her toast and turned around to look at the door to Thomas’s old office, as if seeing it for the very first time. Then she stole a look at Lily who was absorbed by her game.

“It was Thomas’s office when we lived together. I nailed the door shut when he moved out. We didn’t need all that space.” She smiled bitterly.

“What’s inside it now?” Karen wanted to know.

“Nothing,” Anna said, taking another bite of her toast.

“Aha,” Karen said. A short silence followed. Then Karen remembered that Jens had called.

“Seven times on your cell and twice on the landline. I unplugged it so it wouldn’t wake you.” Karen gave Anna a searching look.

“Did you speak to him?”

“No. Your cell is over there.” She gestured to the kitchen counter. “I saw his name come up on the display.”

Another pause. Karen turned on the radio.

“Okay,” Anna said, eventually. “Would you answer it when he calls back? I’m going to Professor Helland’s funeral at one o’clock.” She checked her watch. “Shit, I need to buy flowers . . . how long is a funeral? Two hours? Three? Would you tell Jens I can meet him at four thirty? At his place. Without Cecilie. And I want him to respect that. I can only stay an hour because I have an important lecture at the Bella Centre at six o’clock, and if Cecilie is there, I’ll leave immediately. All depending, of course, on whether you’re prepared to babysit Lily? I’ll be back between seven and eight,” she added. Karen thought it over.

“Yes, that’s fine,” she said. “But I want a favor in return. I want you to promise me you’ll meet with Troels, properly. I want to be there. I want all three of us to get together and see if we can be friends again. If not, well, then I’ll just have to accept it. But I want you to give it a try, Anna.”

Anna mulled it over, then she held out her hand.

“Deal,” she said.

“Great,” Karen replied.


Jens called while Anna was in the shower.

“He sounded surprised I answered your phone,” Karen said. “I told him you were showering, but you would be at his house at 4:30 p.m. And no Cecilie. He protested to begin with.”

“Yes, it’s tough to do anything without Cecilie.” Anna towel-dried her hair angrily.

“Anyway, he agreed eventually. He sounded really upset.”

Anna disappeared into her bedroom to find some suitable clothes. She decided on black jeans, a thin black sweater, and Chuck Taylors.

“You can’t wear that,” Karen objected. “Chuck Taylors?”

“I wear what I want,” Anna said. “They’ll just have to take me as is.”

They hung out in the living room for another hour. Lily and Karen played with Lego bricks on the floor, and Anna sprawled in an armchair she had dragged to the window. She looked across the rooftops. There was a huge lump in her throat, and every time she closed her eyes, she saw Johannes. His bad skin, his soft gaze, and his hair with the awful red dye that was growing out. Lily came over to her chair.

“Mommy’s crying,” she said. Anna looked at her daughter. She was about to shake her head, deny it, wipe away her tears, and lie, but suddenly the light outside changed and it was as if Lily’s small head glowed.

“I feel really sad,” she said. “Because I have a friend I can’t visit anymore.”

“Why not?” Lily asked.

“Because he’s dead. He’s in heaven.” Anna pointed to the clouds, which had parted and for a moment the columns of light beamed down to the earth. Lily looked in the direction of Anna’s finger and narrowed her eyes.

“He’s kicking a ball around. I think he’s happy. Heaven is a good place, but I’m here on earth, and I’m sad because we can’t see each other.”

“I want to go to heaven,” Lily said, looking longingly out of the window. Anna lifted her daughter onto her lap.

“You will one day,” she said. “But first you need to be here on earth with your mom for a long time.” Lily snuggled up to Anna for a few seconds. Then she climbed down.

“I want to play with Auntie Karen,” she said.

Karen had been watching them.

“It’s terrible what happened to . . . your friend,” she said quietly. “What was his name?”

“Johannes.”

“It’s terrible what happened to Johannes.”