The Difference Between You and Me(67)

A couple of little kids dart in and out of the crowd, chasing each other through the legs of the grown-ups. Huckle holds court on his back porch, passing out sodas and lazily kicking a hacky sack around with three or four other guys who look like they got lost on the way to a Phish concert.

In a corner of the fray, Margaret and Charlie sit side by side, like the king and queen of the dance. Bert, their Access-a-Ride driver, seems to have made a special off-hours run to bring them here this evening, and he stands behind the two of them, awkward and protective at the same time, like a Secret Service agent in his mirrored sunglasses. His arms are crossed high and tight over his chest, but Jesse notices that he’s tapping his shiny patent-leather toe to the music.

In the middle of the dance floor, Fran and Arthur have their arms around each other, doing their three flashiest community-center-swing-dance-class moves over and over again. Normally, Jesse would be embarrassed to watch her pot-bellied, parka-wearing father dip her giggling mother to the floor. But Jesse hasn’t seen them dance together like this for a long time, since before her mother got sick. It feels like a gift to see them so happy.

Someone’s dog, a big, sleek, doleful-looking Weimaraner, threads its way through the crowd and out of the tent. Jesse is moving toward him to stroke his head when Emily appears beside her.

“Hi,” Emily says tensely.

Emily is in an oversized overcoat—maybe Mike’s—holding it closed with her clutched arms, but underneath Jesse can see a few inches of satiny blue party dress. She can only imagine what the rest of it looks like, what the shape of the neckline is, how the texture of that satin would feel on her fingers. She swallows, and extinguishes the thought.

“Hi,” Jesse says. It’s strange to be talking to Emily in public, even now, in the dark, this far away from other people.

“You’re wearing it,” Emily observes.

“What?” Jesse looks down at herself.

“Your, um, suit.”

“Oh yeah.”

“You wore it last year, too.”

“I only wear it on special occasions,” Jesse explains. “So, how’s your dance going?”

“Incredible.”

“How come you’re not over there?”

Emily pauses. “I’m looking for Michael,” she says. “Is he here?”

“I think he was. I think I saw him in there for a second.” Jesse jerks her head toward the tent.

“He’s in charge of my souvenir photo booth area. I left him and Snehal in charge, and I looked over a second ago and no one was manning it.”

“Oh. I don’t know if he’s in there anymore. I haven’t really been keeping track of who’s been coming and going.”

Emily looks past Jesse into the tent, and Jesse follows her gaze. The tent is hopping, but Mike doesn’t seem to be there.

“Your dance is going great, too,” Emily observes. Jesse starts to respond but Emily says suddenly, “I’ve been missing you.”

“Oh.” Jesse feels her heart lurch. She doesn’t know how to respond.

Emily takes a step closer to her and lowers her voice a little.

“I think, you know, I think I was really stupid to say we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I said it. I was so overwhelmed. I’m still really busy and overwhelmed but, like, it doesn’t take any time away from my responsibilities to see you, right? It’s just my break, it’s easy to fit you in.”

Jesse waits a second before she says, “Uh-huh.”

“And I miss you. I actually miss you a lot. Can we forget I ever said that? Can we just, like, start up again on Tuesday?”

Jesse looks up at the night sky. Long, inky clouds are streaked across it, but here and there, in between them, a scintillating diamond-point shines through.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh. You’re too busy now?”

“No. I mean, I am, I’m busy, but I’m just not…” Jesse swallows. “I don’t feel like hiding anymore.”

“Oh.”

Emily nods briskly. A shiver passes through her body, and she hugs herself, shrugs her shoulders up to her ears. Jesse fights the urge to wrap her arms around Emily, pull her close, keep her warm. She looks down at the ground.

“And I guess, like… I want to put my energy into other things?”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Emily nods again rapidly. “I get it. That’s fine. I totally understand.”

Jesse looks up and meets Emily’s eye.

“But I still, like, love you,” Jesse says, and Emily inhales sharply, like she might burst into tears.