She frowned. Nate sounded like an insurance assessor, calculating the odds of a disaster. "And it's the same reason you're asking what city I might one day want to live in if things work out?"
"I might not be able to stop bad things happening, but it makes sense to control as much as I can."
Was he really working out the chance of them staying together, to decide if he even wanted to try?
"So what if I said I needed to stay in LA?"
He sighed. "Then we'd have to talk about whether we should keep seeing each other, when we'd be living in different cities."
Working out their odds was exactly what he was doing. How messed up was that? And what if the scales swung against her? Would he cut her off to protect himself?
She stared into his eyes, challenging him to answer truthfully. "How do I know you won't shut me out, for fear I'll hurt you?"
"Will you?" He gazed back, unblinking, his tone as serious as though she could really answer his question.
"I have no idea," she said honestly. Her heart broke when she thought of what he'd been through, but it was crazy to wall up your heart in case something bad happened.
But she didn't want to get into an argument about it now. Not when his brown eyes were still clouded with memories of his niece. Suzie gave his hand one last squeeze, then eased from his grip. She stood up. "I'm going to wash. We can talk some more later, okay?"
"I've been completely honest with you, Suzie."
"I get it." She forced herself to sound normal. "Let's talk about it over breakfast."
The shower didn't work with the power off, so Suzie pumped water into a bucket and grabbed a washcloth. She shut herself in the tiny bathroom and took her time, thinking through what Nate had told her. If he was afraid of opening his heart, would he always hold back from her? And what if they did keep seeing each other and she somehow managed to hurt him? Would he shut himself away and swear off her forever, the way he'd sworn off having kids?
Poor Harrison. She should go see him. Maybe she could help somehow. At least a visit might take his mind off things, for a little while at least. Would his smile still be as warm as she remembered? If it was anything like his brother's, it'd be a killer smile no matter how old he got, or how bad his scars.
Thinking hard, Suzie toweled herself off. She was so deep in her thoughts, it took a while for her to register the rumbling noise she could hear. Did Nate manage to get the engine going after all?
Then she heard a male voice. Was Nate calling her? No, it sounded like he was talking to someone else.
She found her clothes and struggled into them as fast as she could, cursing over the stiff buttons on her shorts which took a bit of fumbling to fasten.
"Nate?" she called, climbing the stairs to the cockpit. "What's going on?"
But as soon as she got on deck, she saw for herself. Nate was standing on the yacht's stern, his back to her. He was looking at a boat a short distance away. The Coast Guard! Thank goodness. They could take her to Port Denarau. She'd get home with a couple of days to prep for Friday's wedding.
Wait a minute. The Coast Guard boat wasn't coming toward them, it was heading away. She scrambled over the deck and grabbed Nate's arm. "What's happening? Why are they leaving? Aren't they going to tow us to shore?"
Nate was holding something that he hoisted to show her. "They've lent me a battery. As soon as I connect it, we're good to go. I can run my test, then drop you off."
Suzie stared at the Coast Guard boat, disappearing fast. "But I need to get to the airport. I have to get home."
"That's where we're going."
"But Nate, what if you connect the battery and the engine won't start? What then? If I went with the Coast Guard I might be able to get on a flight today."
He frowned and his puzzled look that made her want to scream. She'd told him how much Friday's job meant to her. What was he thinking?
"But if you got on the Coast Guard boat, you'd have to leave right away," he said. "They wouldn't have waited for you."
"So?"
An expression crossed his face that she didn't like. It was guarded. As though he was taking a mental step backwards. "So I thought we were going to talk over breakfast."
"Don't you understand how important it is that I get home? You should have asked me, at least. We can always talk later."
His tone was cold and clipped. "I assumed you'd want to discuss our future. I thought you were interested in seeing if we had one."
Anger rose inside her like a hot wave. "How can we have a future when you don't consider asking what I want?"
His mouth tightened. The more heated she got, the colder he seemed to be. She felt like he was building a fence around himself and shutting the gate in her face. "So you would have left like that, without another word." He spoke matter-of-factly, and it was a statement rather than a question.
She remembered her doubts that he wouldn't turn his back on her if she hurt him. He was doing exactly that. He couldn't understand that he was the one who'd let her down, by assuming his dream was more important than hers. All he saw was that she was leaving. It didn't even matter if she was in the right, when all he cared about was protecting himself.
Inside she was raging against his unfairness, but she forced her voice to sound calm. If only she could get through to him, and make him drop that fence he was so busy building, maybe they still had a chance. "We could have talked on the phone, or on Skype. We have lots of time to work things out and be together. But the wedding's on Friday. If I miss this opportunity, I might not get another. Can't you understand why I'm anxious to go?"
He hefted the battery, his mouth set in a stubborn line. "I told you I'd get us there. All I have to do is connect the battery and we'll be on our way."
Suzie's heart contracted. It was no use. He couldn't see how by not consulting her, he'd shown he didn't respect her. She knew what it was like to have a guy steal from her, and this felt almost as bad.
Still, she'd bite her tongue and let him connect the thing. He obviously still felt that his test was more important than her job, and maybe he was right. Everyone else in the world would probably agree with him.
"It's a simple job," he said as he carried the battery down the cockpit stairs. "It'll take me two minutes to connect it. Probably less."
She watched the Coast Guard moving slowly away as she waited. They didn't seem to be in much of a hurry. Surely they wouldn't have minded dropping her off.
"There," said Nate, wiping his hands on his shorts as he came back up into the cockpit. "Now the engine will start. You'll be in Denarau in two hours." He turned the key, then frowned.
There was dead silence. The only engine noise was a soft rumble from the Coast Guard's boat as it motored away.
"Shit." Nate ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, give me a minute. I need to-"
"A minute?" Suzie felt her chest tightening. "You've been trying to fix it for two days."
"You need to give me a little more time."
"Time is the one thing I can't give you." She clenched her fists, fighting the urge to scream. "Why can't you understand that?"
"I understand it," he snapped, waving his hand at the cockpit controls. "You're the one who doesn't get how any of this works."
She froze as his words hit her. Her stomach turned over and for a moment she wanted to be sick. All this time he'd been treating her like an equal, when this was what he really thought of her. He was a genius. To him, she'd always be dumb.
"I'm sorry, Nate. I was wrong about us. I guess we don't have a future after all." The words felt like razors in her throat.
He said nothing for a long time. She stared toward the Coast Guard boat, too afraid to look at him. If she looked, she'd start bawling. Or beg him not to accept this was the end. If he'd fight for her instead of just protecting himself, then maybe they could work it out.
He made a noise that startled her. Was it an exclamation of anger, or pain? She turned to him, but now he was the one wheeling away. He started down the stairs into the saloon. "Once I get the engine started, the radio will come back on and I'll call the Coast Guard back to get you. If you're in that much of a hurry to leave."
She watched him go. Every step he took ripped her insides apart. Tears were starting and her face was hot. She couldn't let him see her like this. She had to get out of here before she fell apart.
The Coast Guard boat was still close enough that she could reach it in the tender, which was still tied to the yacht's stern. She'd watched him start the outboard motor yesterday by pulling on the rope, so how hard could it be?
She scrambled into the tender, grabbed the motor's starter cord, and yanked it out like she'd seen Nate do. It was stiffer than she'd expected and it came out in jerks. The engine didn't so much as cough. She tugged the cord out again, making it smoother this time, and the engine caught with a roar.