"Stupid sun," she muttered.
"Hmm?" Nate stirred sleepily. "You can't be cold? I'm starting to overheat." He drew her closer anyway, settling his hand into the curve of her waist.
"I'm not cold, I just don't want our night together to be over. I'm like Juliet, insisting it's still dark and the dawn isn't here." A seagull cawed and Suzie laughed, remembering the movie. "Listen, 'tis the lark, not the nightingale."
"And thou art more beautiful than a summer's day." He moved so he could kiss her. "Hungry?"
Her stomach growled in response and he laughed.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"What's for breakfast?" she asked, not moving off him. She didn't want him to stop touching her, but now that he'd mentioned it, she was starving. And she could murder a coffee.
"Slim pickings," he admitted. "The cereal's gone, but I remember seeing a can of peaches in the cupboard. Oh, and there's a can of spaghetti." She wrinkled her nose and he laughed. "I have to admit, I'd rather have buttered toast and eggs."
"I need to wash up." She slipped out from under the covers, stood up and stretched, enjoying the feel of the sun and light breeze on her naked body. She ached in all the right places, and her whole being was infused with a glow of satisfaction.
"You're beautiful."
His admiring gaze was warmer than the tropical sun and it felt darn good. She'd always been Second Best Suzie, but with him she didn't feel that way. By the way he looked at her, Nate didn't think she was second best anything, and if a man like him could gaze at her like that, she had to be doing something right.
She stretched again, slowly and deliberately, enjoying the appreciation in his eyes. Maybe she'd always been tough on herself. Just because Laura was ultra smart and successful, didn't make Suzie any less worthy. She could be successful in her own way, on her own terms. To hell with always feeling like she wasn't good enough.
"Forget breakfast. Come back to bed," said Nate. He ran his hand down the sheet, pulling it tight over himself so she could see he was hard again.
She rounded her eyes in mock surprise. "You're not spent yet? How many times did we make love last night? Surely you haven't got a single sperm left in your body. I'd better call the Guinness Book of Records to tell them about your prowess."
"It's completely your fault." He gave her his crooked, boyish smile, and her heart felt as light as air. "How could any man look at you and not get an instant erection? I'll bet everywhere you go, there are embarrassed men trying to cover up the fact you've made them pitch a tent in their pants."
She laughed. He made her feel so good. How could she have ever thought he was arrogant, or mean? It was obvious he was used to being in charge, but he was confident and assertive rather than bossy. And when he was sweet, or funny, it made her knees turn to mush.
"You know, I'm going to miss you." She kept her tone light, after all, Nate had already confessed to a serious fear of commitment and she didn't want to freak him out. But they were so good together, surely she wasn't the only one who didn't want this to end? "Perhaps we could keep seeing each other? I mean, after I've made the party a huge success and been showered with praise and money, and you've created the super-smart robots that'll wipe out the human race. Maybe you could visit me in LA? Or I could come and test drive your new car, by not driving it at all."
He rose onto one elbow, his expression suddenly serious. "Suzie, as much as I didn't want a relationship, I don't want to walk away. But if we're going to turn this into something more than a holiday romance, we should talk it through." There was no trace of laughter in his eyes now.
She could have sworn the sky was cloudless, but just then the day darkened. Suzie glanced up. There was a single grey cloud obscuring the sun. Where did that come from?
"If we keep seeing each other, it could get serious," he went on. "And before that happens, I'd like to know more about your plans for the future. Where do you want to live? Could you move if you had to, or is there something keeping you tied to LA?"
She frowned. "My job, of course. And my dog, Rusty. He's a black labrador. But we don't have to worry about things like that right away. We can keep it casual to start with. And, you know. Visit."
Nate shook his head. "If we'll eventually want different things, it's better to find out now."
Wow. He'd got serious quickly. "You don't believe in taking things slow?"
"It's common sense to get everything in the open. Problems are bound to come up as we go along, but we should talk about the important things up front. For example, you should know that I never want to have kids."
"What?" She blinked, wondering if he could be messing with her. "Where on earth did that come from? A minute ago we were talking about whether we were going to keep seeing each other, and now we're at the having kids stage?"
"If never starting a family is a deal breaker for you, we can end this now. But if it gets any more serious it won't be so easy."
She wrapped her arms around her naked torso, feeling suddenly exposed. "Wait a minute. I'm a long way away from having a ‘do you want children' conversation, let alone hearing you say that if things get serious, you'll make that decision for me."
She turned away so he couldn't see the look on her face. Too much, too soon. Seriously, could he hear himself? Her clothes were piled on the deck where she'd dropped them last night. She grabbed her T-shirt and shorts and pulled them on.
"You're angry," he said.
She composed her expression before turning back to him. "No. I just can't plan my entire life in advance. And frankly, it's a little unfair of you to insist I do."
He reached one hand to her. "Sit for a moment, and I'll tell you why I want us to talk about these things now."
She hesitated a moment. Then she lowered herself down, but she didn't nestle into him like she would have done just minutes ago. Instead she sat cross-legged on the mattress, facing him. He took her hand anyway, and held it while he talked.
"After we moved to Florida, Harrison fell in love with a girl called Nancy. She fell pregnant when Harrison was twenty. Too young to get married, at least that's what our father thought. But they did anyway, and they had the cutest little girl. My niece, Yasmina. She was smart as anything. As soon as she started talking, she was a complete chatterbox."
Nate shook his head with a smile that was heartbreakingly sad. "The things she used to come out with. She was so … " Nate sighed, the words trailing away, and Suzie squeezed his hand. She dreaded what he would say next.
"Yasmina died when she was four, and everything fell apart. Especially Harrison. He lost his job and took up drinking. Made a career of that instead."
Nate took a deep breath. "Harrison used booze to try and wipe the memory of her death. He almost managed to wipe his life out, too. I called him every day for the next few years, and each time I dialed his number I'd brace for news he'd succeeded in killing himself. Nancy stuck with him for a while, but I wasn't surprised when she left. I tried everything I could think of to help. Counselors, rehab, tough love. Yasmina died six years ago, and Harrison's finally cut back on the drinking, but he hasn't gone back to work. Mostly he sleeps and watches TV. He's thirty, and he looks like he's fifty."
"That's awful." Suzie swallowed, remembering the conversation she'd had with Harrison just a couple of days ago. While they'd been talking, she'd pictured the boy she'd had a crush on all those years ago. Back then she used to wait until he was working in the store before she went in to buy a piece of candy, using it as an excuse to flirt with him. What might he look like now, with lines of grief and misery etched into his face?
But she must be missing something. She rubbed the middle of her forehead, trying to understand. "I still don't get why you've decided not to have children."
He sucked in his breath. His lowered eyes made it obvious this was difficult for him to talk about. "Yasmina choked on a piece of apple. It got stuck in her windpipe, and they couldn't get it out in time." His thumb stroked the back of her hand. "If a piece of stupid fucking apple can kill a smart kid out of the blue, there's no way to keep them safe, not a single thing you can do. How could anyone want to have kids when they could be gone like that, in an instant?"
Suzie bit her lip. "Are you saying that the reason you don't want a family of your own is because you don't want to get hurt again?"
He tilted his head and spoke slowly, as though trying to find the right words. "When it's impossible to protect the people I care about, all I can do is manage my risk."